Dear Abby's Waste Bin

Holy Shit

2007-01-17T00:41:00.000+01:00

You idiots are still reading this crap?

Go away or you'll tempt me to post something. [evil grin]

Ask Google 5

2006-03-16T10:17:00.000+01:00

Excuses for moving out of an appartment without losing your deposit

5. ...and I thought I'd ask my son, the officer, why would the landlady's daughter have a 100$ bill rolled up her nose...

4. Are those illegal immigrants living on the top floor?

3. About that cut I saw you getting from the pimp downstairs...

2. Was that your husband spying on my 12 y.o. through the toilet window yesterday?...

1. The postman left this package from designershoes.com here for your son.

my crazy psycho jealous insecure girlfriend

And she's still your girlfriend because?...

i fucked your girlfriend

Send high-resolution pictures/videos here. No discretion guaranteed.

what if my boyfriend doesnt know if he wants to get married

Just do what every other dumb Bridezilla-wannabe does. Stick around and wait for him to decide for another 10 years until he dumps your ass for a 22 year old. Then start calling up psychic-lines and buying books like "How to Get Married After 35".

pregnant please dear god i'm only 17

Friends With Benefits

2006-03-11T21:44:00.000+01:00

I am in a friends-with-benefits situation with a guy. When we first started seeing each other I was really falling for him but then after a couple months he let me know he didn't have time for a full time committed relationship.

Translation: Sorry gal, you have a nice rack & all, but so do many other girls. Nice screwing ya.

I was very disappointed. So I agreed to a FWB because I could still be with him.

That was stupid.

When we started the FWB I thought I was ok but now I still have feelings for him.

Huh? Did you really think, hey I'm in love with you, lets get it on a few times maybe it will go away?!

I got really emotional a few days ago and he told me that he is not seeing anyone else at this stage but still doesn't want a relationship. He likes his space and being alone.

Kinda makes you wonder how many other silly twits is he saying this to, doesn't it...

I just found out today that he and my neighbor went out for drinks last night. She is the one who mentioned it to me. She knows that he and I have been intimate and that I had strong feelings for him and that he wanted a FWB but I told her honestly that I didn't know if I could do it. She doesn't know that I went ahead with the FWB.

What, too chickin to admit you sold yourself short after all?

He however has not mentioned going for drinks with her.

Why should he? He doesn't owe you that. Now if he was porking her after you guys had agreed on being physically exclusive that would have been a different story.

He called me last night and asked me out for a drink but I was going to a show and couldn't. I told him I would call from the show and when I did he said he wasn't having the drink, he was in the store with his daughter. But it seemed like he wanted me off the phone.

No shit lady. If I were sitting next to some hottie in a bar, I'd want to get your delusional ass off my phone too.

I know he has the right to see whoever he wants but this is so hard because it involves my neighbor who lives by me. It is right in my face.

Yeah, it makes it harder to stay in that insipid little fantasy of yours. Not necessarily a bad thing.

And he just told me he wasn't seeing anyone, but he is. I don't know how to deal with this. If I stop sleeping with him, I'm afraid he will sleep with her.

Oh my God that would be like...the end of the whole big wide world!

I don't know what to say to him. I feel so horrible right now. Oh, and he also lives in this same development.

Some people like to keep it in the family.

Ask Google 4

2006-03-09T16:56:00.000+01:00

what does it mean when he wants space

a) He needs a bigger bed
b) He needs a bigger appartment
c) He needs a bigger car
d) He needs a woman with bigger tits/ass than you

i married a pothead loser

Great. So when is the book coming out?

what to say when ex calls

Sandy? Sandy who? Well Sandy doesn't live here anymore. [click]

is masturbating every day good?

No! Masturbation will make you blind and crippled! It can lead to constipation, acne, hairy palms, bad posture, mental problems etc. etc! I can't emphasize enough how much damage can be done to the body through excessive masturbation!

How to put off a wedding

Fuck with the best man and the bridesmaid. Send the video to the groom.

I Rest My Case

2006-03-05T15:50:00.000+01:00

I've always been the obedient, studious only child to protective, caring parents. A few years ago, I thought I married a sweet tempered but underachieving guy who would always treat my parents well.

That's a novelty. Most women just marry a guy and hope he is going to be a decent husband and a good father.

I worked as a lawyer while my husband attended ~~basketweaving~~ chiropractic school. Things started going south when I became pregnant with my first child and he er, we decided that I would become a full-time mom until our two children are old enough to go to preschool. We now have a baby and a toddler.

I feel that he pushed me to have children before we were financially stable because he wanted to have children while he was still in his early 30's.

Husband: Listen up woman. It's time for me to sow my seed. Ready or not here I cum.

Wife: As you wish my lord and master, but who's going to stay with the kids?

Husband: You of course, you're the wife aren't you? You know: wash, iron, fuck, ect.

Now, we are struggling financially and I am resentful and angry at him for not working hard enough, for spending too much time with his brothers and sister instead of with me, for not helping out with the kids, for not sleeping in our bed because our children sleep in the room with me and he does not want to be disturbed at night, for not helping out enough with chores around the house, for changing from the sweet tempered man I thought I married into a sarcastic, quick-tempered, foul mouthed man and finally, for not wanting to give up the guest bedroom bed so that my parents who live 2 hours away can sleep on it when they come to visit me every other weekend.

Holy shit, you really ARE a lawyer.

Do you think this is one of those marriages that will get better in a few years when the children are older and I begin working again?

~~How the fuck should I know?!~~ Oh yeah, sure, whatever.

Is it unfair to ask him to give up the guest bedroom bed so that my parents who live 2 hours away can stay for two days every other weekend?

Who cares. But let me guess, your husband thinks it is.

He feels jealous of my relationship with my father and wants me to stop constantly telling my parents our problems.

Too fucking bad. He knew you were daddy's girl before he married you. Just as you should have known that losers are only "sweet tempered" until you are under their thumb.

The problem is I feel my parents are always there for me and he only sometimes is. Who is right and who is wrong?

You're not in court of law anymore. Right and wrong is irrelevant now. This is just life. It's all about short-sighted choices, and whether the crap you are willing to put up with is worth it.

Ask Google 3

2006-03-03T19:03:00.000+01:00

pussy free wife

Q: I got married about a week ago. I was asked to wait until our wedding night and I was really looking forward to the action. So there I was laying in bed, in a beautiful 5 star hotel in Vegas, drinking out of a really lousy bottle of champange, when my wife finally came out of the bathroom, still fully dressed, sat on my bedside and said:

"Honey, there is something I haven't told you about me."

"What?" Silence. "Let me guess, you're not a virgin."

She shook her head.

"So what is it?"

Sobs. I hugged her. "It's ok honey, tell me, whatever it is, it's ok, I LOVE YOU."

"I..." More sobs, then really fast. "Idonthaveavagina."

"Huh? Can you say that again? It sounded like "I don't have a vagina!"

"It's true". More sniffs. "I don't."

It's been a week now we'll be flying back tomorrow and I'm still stunned. I really love her and want to make this work but how?

Signed,

Freaked

A: Dear Freaked,

while it is a tad unusual for a woman to be born without a cootch, I am surprised that you would feel all is lost. There are worst fates than a lifetime of chocolate-covered love and hummers.

pervert behavior

I was typing an e-mail on my 46-year-old boyfriend's computer, when I noticed that he was still logged on Ebay. I clicked on his bids, curious to see if he was finally going to get me the engagement ring he had been promising for the past 15 years, for my upcoming birthday.

Well, there was one 5 buck BIN for a silver bracelet made in China, and a 200$ bid for some teenager's pink "Very Well Worn/Used Sneakers Size 6 1/2"!!

It can't be for me, cause my feet are size 8 and he doesn't have a daughter. Is this pervert behavior?

Sir Confused

2006-02-28T17:27:00.000+01:00

I am a 40-year old man, and have been dating a 34-year-old woman for almost a year. I have been divorced two years, no children, and I'm really looking to get married again and hopefully still have a family.

~~Stupidity~~ uh, Hope breeds eternal.

Having said that, my marriage and divorce was awful and I don't intend to go through that again so I'm being careful.

Are you now?

My girlfriend is perfect in almost every way - we have a lot in common, we want the same things, and we are mutually attracted to each other.

Wait a minute. Let me take a deep breath first. Sentences like these are usually followed by a but(t) the size of Texas.

The problem is she is seriously depressed. She told me she has been on medication for depression for years. I have decided she is worth the effort, and I have bent over backwards to show her that she can count on me, that she can still have a happy life, and that I'm serious about this.

There we go again. Another Knight Wannabe.

I have been giving, expecting and receiving little in return, for almost a year now, and I'm running out of gas.

Saving the world is losing its luster already? Tsk, tsk, they just don't make knights like they used to...

She knows this, and feels terribly guilty about it, which only serves to make things worse. I want to help but I don't know what else I can do at this point. She breaks into tears many times a day, she sleeps constantly, there is little affection between us, and almost no sex life.

It never fails to amaze me what people consider to be an almost perfect mate.

She sees a counselor occasionally, and there are plans to change her medication when circumstances allow it, but obviously there is no guarantee that things will ever change. When she is not crying, things are great.

How comforting to know that blatant denial is an equal opportunity act.

The rest of her family have been very supportive of me and appreciate what I have done and how hard this has been for me.

The payoffs of being the martyr. So sweet, so uplifting, so rewarding... so short-lived.

My main question is, how long do I continue to do this, knowing to some extent time is running out for me at 40 (please, no "men can have kids when they are 80" reasoning).

People who procreate after a certain age are either pathetic or senile.

I've done this so far because I thought she was worth it, but I've been burned before seing people the way I want them to be, rather than the way they really are.

Damn, that was a deep. Imagine if you'd actually put some of that self-reflection to use. You'd be dangerous.

Do people at her age and extent of depression recover enough to have happy lives?

Facing up to this illness and taking personal responsibility for its treatment is vital. Nothing you have written indicates this woman is facing up to anything, except her mildewed pillow.

Is there hope for her (us)?

Oh yeah, lots and lots of hope. Please, no thank you's. Just don't name any of your kids after me.

Is there anything else I can do to help her?

Yes. When she starts running to jump off from that 15 story building, make sure you get out of her way.

Ask Google 2

2006-02-22T11:31:00.000+01:00

boyfriend wants to sleep instead of talk on phone

I was ~~pmsing like a 12 yo.~~ feeling really down the other day, and after ~~six~~ a couple of screwdrivers, I called my guy to tell him that I miss him. He sounded kinda groggy and he was a bit nasty to me. Said to stop calling him and that he wanted to sleep. Ok, maybe I shouldn't have called at 3.30 in the morning. But if he really loved me, he would understand and be there for me! I feel sooo neglected. Now his best friend Dave has just called and asked me to come over to his place and watch a movie. Should I go?

should we break-up we live together dog

I've been living with a great gal for amost a year now. Everything is perfect. Well almost everything. There is this trouble with her dog Scooby.

At first, I thought it was cute that he wanted to sleep with us. He would curl up his 70 pound frame at the foot of the bed only causing minor discomfort. But over the next few months, Scooby started to slowely inching his way up the bed until he was sleeping between us. That turned into sleeping under the covers between us with his head on our pillows!

As if this ain't bad enough, he wants to be in the room when we have sex. I tried to lock him out a few times, but he would bark and scratch at the door. I told her he was going to do this at first and that he would get used to it. But my girlfriend felt guilty and wouldn't cum unless I let him in again. Should we break up?

virgin blue balls until marriage

I'm an 15 yo. Mormon and our bishop said we can't have sex with another person before marriage or we'll go to hell. We aren't allowed to self-abuse either . Lately I have noticed that I get these huge erections, especially when I'm around Janet from the seminary. Afterwards my balls feel heavy and achy. They sometimes get a bluish tinge. John, from the church, told me this will go away when I marry, but I can't marry for a while yet, my parents say I have to finish school first. I'm afraid it will get worst and I won't be able to hold off until then. I don't want to go to hell. What can I do?

Am I The Other Woman?

2006-02-21T19:30:00.000+01:00

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. We were engaged in December. He has three children and I have two. We all live together (except he only has his kids every other weekend). My problem is this. Although we are now engaged and have plans to buy a home together, he hasn't made a move to get a divorce.

Yes, engaged sounds much nicer than "shacking up with a married man", I grant you that, but the law might not quite agree with you when the wife comes knocking for her share of the house.

When I've asked him about it, he says either he doesn't have time to call lawyers or he doesn't have the money for a retainer. Neither of which is true.

So? That didn't stop you from falling for it, hook, line and sinker for FOUR YEARS, like some stupid little 18 year old.

My other issue with him is that he bends over backwards to keep peace in his relationship with his ex. (What ex? There you go day-dreaming again...) She still wears her wedding ring, still wears his clothes, and is abusing the kids.

She's wearing... his clothes?

He seems to not be bothered by any of this and is upset with me if I ask him not to buy things for her house or maybe SAY SOMETHING to her about sleeping with her 7 year old son or calling her 10 year old daughter a little bitch.

Of course he's upset. What are you giving him lip for, you obviously think this ~~cowardly piece of shit~~ "man" is good enough to parent your kids.

A little background- she is a stay at home mom, has not worked for 14 years. He pays every last bill down to her cell phone and gas. He pays a boatload of cs and spousal support and pays for all the kids extra stuff. I have NO problem with what the court ordered or the extra stuff for the kids, but come on, this woman makes 45,000/year from child and spousal support. She's not hurting for anything. Does he really need to buy her ice cream for her, too?

A little backround - we live in a fault state. So when she calls and tells him to "Pick up a few tubes of Häagen Daz on the way home." and he says "I can't, I'm taking Stacy's kid to Boy Scouts", she screams "Well YOU HAD BETTER, 'cause my laywer's number is on speed-dial and when SHE'S finished with you, you gutless bastard, you won't HAVE a car to drive your whores' kid ANYWHERE."

Will he ever divorce her?

Yup. Madame Kazelka from the 'oroskopes says he will. When Bill Clinton runs for office again.

Ask Google

2006-02-19T21:47:00.000+01:00

Contrary to popular opinion, "Dear Abby" is not the most popular advice columnist out there. Every day, millions of people ask Google for advice on a variety of life-and-death matters, such as "stink foot" and "jacking off".

Much like "Dear Abby", Google cannot answer all these queries personally. But those that never make it need not despair. They still have a chance of being answered...by me!

* * *

boyfriend neglects me when high

Can't be. Everybody knows that drooling in front of the TV when high is solely reserved for single guys. All the others are too busy knocking on their girlfriend's door with 2 dozen red roses in one hand and an erection in the other. So it must be you. When was the last time you trimmed? Or took an I.Q. test?

why does he call but not leave a message?

He was just checking to see if you were available for sex.

Of course he could also have an allergy to speaking on answering machines...assuming that you do actually have one.

wants to try anal sex

who does?

she: run don't walk to the nearest store for ky-jelly and condoms.

he: what a pervert, tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine.

PS. Come back and tell us ALL about it.

do i drive by his house

As often as you can. Up and down the street, several times a day. Really really slow. Guys love that. Make sure you blow lots of kisses and wave when he peeks to see if you are still there. That will make him feel even more wanted and cherished. When the cops come, tell them you are looking for Cindi's Massage Parlor.

husband ejaculates quickly

Stop showering. Wear old baggy clothes and large white cotton underware until they have a nice shade of yellow. If that doesn't help grow a mustache.

funny honeymoon nightmare

I dreamed that we had been married for 5 years, that we had 4 kids and no money even though I was working hard on my career as a part-time cashier at Tarjay's. My husband, who had been layed off 2 years into the marriage, was either busy playing video games or over at his best friend's house to fix the plumbing for the wife, because the friend was in Irak.

I had just stumbled on a valentine's card underneath the car mat, which was addressed to the 16-year old girl next door, when I realized that my period was 15 days late. Then I woke up.

Roses Are Red

2006-02-14T17:28:00.000+01:00

[Dear advice columnist,]

I have been dating two guys for about a month. They are not boyfriends and we are not exclusive. I was not expecting a present or anything but neither one of them even called to say Happy V(agina) day. Should I be upset and drop them both or do I not have any right to be upset and just let it go??

Love Online

2006-02-10T13:26:00.000+01:00

I met my guy in a chat room.

How... original.

He chased me intensely in the beginning, wanted to meet and I met him. He continued to pursue me romantically, phone calls all evening, chat when we'd get home from work etc. We met a 2nd time and actually had sex. But he was still attentive during the week afterward....

And that must mean I'm special to him, you see? It can't be just booty-sex if they call the next day. Cosmo said so!

Then we had an intense argument breakup, because he drove 2 hours to meet another girl that he'd met ALSO on the internet when he had been claiming to be too busy to come and visit ME.

You didn't actually think you were the ONLY ONE, did you?! People who go fishing on the internet seldom have just one hook in the swamp.

He tells me at that time "She is just a friend and invited me to meet up with her and other people one evening. I didnt know I wasnt allowed to have any friends". Defensive. Like I was in the wrong for even questioning him.

You were wrong. Since when do some chats, a few phone-calls and a one night stand qualify as an exclusive relationship?

Well we made up after that one but nothing was the same. He stopped telling me he loved me, never offered to visit or if we talked about it, it was always put off till another time. He would talk about how broke he is and how much it costs to fill up his gas tank...

Driving around to sow your seed in desperate single mothers across the country is not exactly cheap these days.

I should say I live an hour away from him and I'm not always free to do things on the weekend as I have a child.

And of course that's a great excuse not to go out when you CAN, pine for internet casanovas rather than dating the nice guy from the basketweaving course, and putting out on the second date instead of at least asking for cash up front.

He would still call me 5 or 6 times in an evening ( we both work 2nd shift on boring jobs) but it was getting less and less. Finally one night online with him I told him I missed all the romance and was unhappy without it and was close to giving up.

Giving up what? The privilege of being some wanker's "one in every port" gal?

He got extremely angry, called me on the phone and went off on me. That he needed to be about himself at this time as he'd always been about everyone else. That he thought we could talk as friends. Well I said I already had friends that we were lovers. His answer was "we made love ONE time".

Unfortunately that doesn't deter some people from googling for wedding cakes and baby names.

That hurts! To me it was special, him saying that was like it meant nothing to him because it was only once....

Wipe yourself off, you look like a panda for chrissakes. When will women realize there is no such thing as a waterproof mascara.

He went all weekend without calling or speaking. On Monday night he called and said "I owe you an apology. It has been me. I have been acting like a jerk and you dont deserve that. I am working through mental things right now and until I get my head on straight I guess I am going to be this way. I'm not trying to get you back or anything i just felt I owed you an apology because it wasnt you or anything you did or said".

I thanked him for the apology. I didnt really say anything else, but now I wonder if he was trying to give me an opening to make up.

Trust desperation to see "an opening" in the most obvious letdown.

He didnt offer to change anything or go back to the loving relationship we had. So I didnt know. But did I give up to fast? Should I have said do you want to work on it?

Please someone, whack this poor woman out of her misery. Yes a battle mace will do just fine.

He Doesn't Want Kids

2006-02-07T15:56:00.000+01:00

We have been together for 9 years, have been married for 2 years. It was always a given that we were going to have kids, often discussed. Three years ago I got pregnant and lost the baby halfway through the pregnancy.

Ever since then our relationship changed. He thought I got pregnant on purpose and was not happy about it at all, said he was glad that it did not work out.

He said WHAT? And you went ahead and MARRIED the moron? What the hell's wrong with you?!

Our sex life also changed. He did not want to be close to me and to be honest I did not want to be with him either. We are great together, great friends but when it comes to sex we just do it to get it done, you know?

This should surprise me? How? It was over the moment you got pregnant.

Last September I asked him when he wants to try having a baby and he said January. Now suddenly halfway through the month he changed his mind. He said he is not ready, not sure if he will ever be and if I want a child I should find another guy to have it with.

The first time a man shows you his true colors BELIEVE him.

I don't know what is going on. I have not been pushing the issue, except when I asked last September. I told him that I was very hurt.

So what? It's not like he gives a fuck.

I don't know what exactly happend but after we got married I got a great job and make awsome money. He has been without a job since August and I think that has a lot to do with his reaction.

Keep swimming in denial, sweety. (No, that's not a river in Egypt.)

I don't want to lose him

Yes. An unemployed, insensitive asshole who sucks in bed. I can see why you don't want to lose him.

but having a child is very important to me and to be totaly honest, at 33 I hear the clock ticking.

Just don't work yourself up to a frenzy now. You might slip and fall on a worst dick than this one.

Is it better to just let it go and live with the thought of not having children or should we split?

I think it's better to have a spine. If you had one your question would have been a no-brainer.

Can't Stop Bitchin

2006-02-06T11:06:00.000+01:00

I'm sad and depressed because my boyfriend of 3 months thinks I flip out so much that he's not sure if he even wants to be with me at this time.

Sad and depressed don't change anything. What are you going to DO about it?

I am going thru stress at work and I only talk to him about it, so unfortunately I unleash my pent up frustrations on him.

Well stop it. He's a boyfriend - someone to date and have fun with, not your friggin therapist.

When I tell him whats going on at work, I get so angry that I wind up picking a fight with him or verbally lashing out at him. I know I am wrong here. I love him so much and yet I've done this twice to him.

Spare me the "I-don't-know-why-I'm-doing-this" crap. If you really love him get your ass to an anger management course.

He is a very sensitive man and he gets very upset about this. His feelings are genuinely hurt and he tells me so. I feel awful of course for hurting the feelings of someone I love. I must confess, I do get surprised by his reactions because he is so sensitive. He is the most sensitive man I've ever dated and I'm not quite used to this.

Hello? Just because your other boyfriends were brutes like you that does not make him "sensitive".

I want to put this relationship back on track. How can I do this? He came over to my house this morning and stayed for 6 hours. We just talked about it and he dropped the whole "I need space" bomb on me. I am devestated but not surprised. What can I do to save my relationship?

The usual: Take him seriously. Stop invalidating his feelings. Start therapy.

How can I survive this new "space"?

By getting a life.

I'm so sad and depressed right now that I just want to take a sleeping pill and make myself go to sleep so I won't have to deal with the hurt i'm feeling.

I hope you've bought an economy size bottle...because tomorrow you'll still feel "sad and depressed".

Easy Rider

2006-01-30T15:36:00.000+01:00

I was involved with someone who used me for sex for almost a year. I'll call him the "snake."

I'll call you "skank ho".

When I got tired of him, I ended it and accepted his requests that we be"friends". We only talk via the internet, so it's obvious that he didn't want a friend, but wanted to keep me on the back burner so that he could use me some more.

And you still talk to him because?

Well, I asked him to set me up with one of his single friends because I really wanted a relationship.

You know it's bad when a woman is so hard-up for a man, that she has to ask her former fuckbuddy to set her up with someone...

He did, but he didn't want to. Me and his friend went out and we had a great time. The "snake" then told his friend "everything" about us.

ie. Dude, you don't want to do no real dating with that ol' skank ho when you can have it for free like I did.

A couple of days after the snake admitted to me that he told his friend we had slept together, his friend contacts me via IM and says he would like to sleep with me. But, he made it clear that he did *not* want a relationship with me because

a) I live 4 hours away
b) I'm too old (12 years his senior).

Ugh.

Well, though not what I wanted initially, I agreed to it because I want the sex just as much as he does.

Your vaginal self-respect just...blows me away.

Now, his friend and I had made plans to get together, but he hasn't returned my calls and or e-mails ( I left several) this week. I had a big argument with the snake and I think the snake told him to stay away from me to get even with me.

Why would he do that, when he went through all that trouble of setting his buddy up for free nookie? Maybe the boy didn't feel like driving all day just to have some desperate pussy even if it is free.

I told the snake that I did not want him, that I wanted his friend and to leave me alone. I don't think it's a coincidence that his friend hasn't called me. I think the snake had something to do with it.

Did the voices tell you that?

Is there any way to win this? I really like his friend and I want to sleep with him. But, how can I if he won't return my calls?

Come on, don't cry...you don't want snot dribbling down your lips now do you? I know some great guys back at the newsroom who would be very happy to return your calls. All I'm asking is for a tiny, measly 70% cut...

Affairs Are Relationships Too!

2006-01-29T13:28:00.000+01:00

I have known my married man for almost 3 years now. Been friends since day one.

ie. We are two dawgs who had the hots for each other right away.

We've been having an emotional affair for over a year now...a physical affair for about 4 months. We talk (via IM) 4-5 days a week, usually 8-10 HOURS a day.

Getting paid to cyber with your fuckbuddy. Nice.

He knows so much more about me than my husband does.

He knows that my husband is married to a liar and a cheat and a whore! Isn't that marvelous?

Heck, he knows more about me than I do!

It's very hard to perform cunnilingus on yourself.

He discuss so much more than sex.

Oh yeah, he also talks about how his wife doesn't understand him, that mother-in-law is being a bitch again, that his daughter's new braces are bleeding him to death and how his boss was busting his balls the other day by demanding that he actually work for his money.

He says I know more about him than his wife ever has.

True. For example, you know that his wife is married to a liar, a cheat and a dog. How precious!

We have 'rules'. The main one being that we can never 'see' anyone else.

I hope your stupid rules include condoms.

He's told me if I ever met someone else and 'cheated' on him (yeah, I know!) that he'd never speak to me again.

I bet you swooned when you heard that one. Thought "Awwww, he must love me!", when he's just worried that his propensity for fucking around might give him the herpes or worst.

I think about him all the time. He says he does the same. He even told me that he thinks of me when he's having sex with his wife. (Bad, I know).

Yeah, I can tell how the remorse is just dripping from your every crevice.

We share so much. You can't talk to someone for hours on end and not have a 'relationship' right?

Wrong.

We were in this discussion on Friday and he mentioned that we dont have a relationship.

You don't.

A sneaky, filthy fuckaffair does not a relationship make. At least he knows that.

I said bull. If it was only sex, we'd not discuss anything else. He'd not ask about my kids. I'd not ask about his job. We'd not spend hours on the computer or have phone conversations every day. It'd not be mentioned that I make him happy and he loves being with me. Would it?

He could also have a dog that he loves spending time with and who makes him happy. That still doesn't mean they have a "relationship".

I just think that MM and I do have a relationship. We do have 'strings attached'. He disagrees. Can you really be involved with someone this much and not consider it a relationship?

Because the only relationship a selfish immoral low-life cheater can have is with themselves.

Horny Pincher

2006-01-18T19:06:00.000+01:00

My husband & I have been married almost 5 yrs. He is a very touchy feely guy and in the beginning of our relationship he could never seem to keep his hands off of other females. He was just always trying to be funny.

Come on dear, I didn't mean anything by patting her tit, honest! I was just trying to be funny... Ugh.

I told him that I didn't like it and it took a while for him to finally get it.

It took a while for him to stop doing it in front of you.

Well, the other night we went bowling with another couple who we've known for a few years. My husband was holding the door open and my friends husband walked in first, me second and my friend behind me and my husband behind her.

Can you say premeditated?

I then heard her yell and then she said "Well, I guess I got my Christmas goose before Christmas". I knew immediately what he did. So, I asked her why she yelled and she said "Your husband, (the dirty bastard), pinched my butt".

What I want to know is how her husband reacted to this fascinating bit of news.

I was livid. I would have never know that he did that if she hadn't yelled.

That was the whole idea, moron. I'm surprised she had the cahones to tell you the truth.

I was going to talk to him about it the next day because I didn't want to spoil out time out with them.

He was counting on that. Actually, strike that...he was hoping your denial would make you forget by then.

At first he tried to deny it but, then he said that he didn't know why he did it.

Didn't you know? ROTFL The devil made him do it!

I am so sick of his childish behavior. What do you think about this?

About what? That your husband is a pervert who keeps groping women in hopes that one will grope him back? Nothing to worry about, happens all the time...

Am I overreacting?

Yeah, totally, now take ~~a bottle~~ some Valium and go back to sleep.

Yelling Pecker

2006-01-15T15:43:00.000+01:00

My situation is that my fiance is a ranter. If he is angry over one little thing, he yells and screams and then that one little thing turns into bigger things and other things, and he screams and yells and screams and yells.

And he's your fiance because? (Check all that's applicable.)

a) He has a big dick...and knows how to use it.
b) He's a multi-millionaire...I can buy a lot of earplugs for that kind of money.
c) I'm a masochist...I love taking it up the ass, mentally or otherwise.
d) I'm a spineless woman with low self-esteem...I believe he's the best I can do.

During the rants, he ALWAYS says that he loves me and asks "why are you doing this to me?" Sometimes I think that I am really doing something to him. But most of the time I think that he's just over-exaggerating things.

It's called mindfucking. Give it another few years and then you won't have to wonder if he's exaggerating anymore. You'll know for sure that it's your fault.

His favourite time to rant is when we are in the car, commuting to work, at 7:00 in the morning. We are stuck together in the car for 45 minutes, and he'll start, and it seems that each time I ask him to stop, he goes harder.

Of course. He knows you don't have the balls to stop the car and kick his sorry butt to the curb.

Also, I have talked to my doctor about the ranting and raving, and how I feel awful all the time, and she's put me on anti-depressants.

Gee, great doc, where did she get her degree? Off some Internet spammer? Are anti-depressants the answer to everything these days? What the fuck happened to common-sense?

I've only been taking them for about a week, but they are supposed to help me sleep, which means that our sex life hasn't been the greatest in the last week (we usually do it three or four times a week, which is how we both like it). I told him right when I started the meds that I would be tired.

And you expected what exactly? Consideration?!

Anyway, he ranted about that, all the while I'm trying to tell him there's nothing wrong with our sex life, it's just that I'm tired from the meds, and I am not into it in the middle of the night (for the millionth time). I try not to spend too much time with him because we can have a great three or four hours together, but anything more than that, he rants.

I'd love to know what kind of a marriage you have in mind, if 3 hours a day is all you can stand of him.

He doesn't hit, or call names....and he treats me like gold when he isn't ranting. He is very romantic, and thinks the world of me.....but he is very jealous.

Ugh. Hello? [bitchslap] Hello? Anybody in there?

Leaving him right now is not an option, because our life is not intolerable.

Your definition of intorelable is truly fascinating...to say the least.

The only thing that is intolerable is this ranting....

Yeah. That and the shit you call brains.

How To Change A Man

2006-01-13T10:05:00.000+01:00

My husband and I married in November. We are pregnant with our first child due in July.

You are pregnant honey, he just knocked you up.

We have had problems throughout our relationship with his inability to grow up.

Which you apparently decided to ignore, hoping for what? That he would...(gasp) change?!

We are both 33 and met 2 years ago. After 3 weeks he moved in. During it all, I have been the one to pick up the pieces and "fix" his life for him.

Bored women who go out looking for love often come home with projects.

He is finacially a mess, his family is the worst support system you can find and I am basically so tired of dealing with him that the love I thought I had for him is gone. Or at least burried so deeply I can not find it.

Acting like a mommy to some looser rarely generates feelings of lust.

When he was 24, he got drunk and drove, killing a woman. He received 16 years in prison and served 8. He got out about 6 months before I met him and though I was very sceptical, he swore that he learned his lesson and would not mess up his life again.

Unfortunately you didn't learn yours: staying the fuck away from addicts, violent creeps, married men and jailbirds.

Well - here we are 2 years later and just last weekend he went on a 36 hour drinking binge and passed out smelling like a piece of garbage in the middle of the living room floor.

The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

Now, I am a financial analyst making about 80 thou a year. I own the house, all of the furniture, I pay for all maintenance, etc. I paid for the wedding and honeymoon and he pays me 800 a month. We are in therapy but nothing that she tells him to do to try to regain my trust works for long. He does it for a few days and then when the pressure is off, he reverts right back to where he was before.

Because people don't change unless they want to.

In fact, we are in therapy because 3 weeks before the wedding, he tracked down an ex girfriend from pre- prison days and carried on conversations with her. I found out, kicked him out, we started therapy and went ahead and married. I'll be honest, I thought it was a bad idea. However, when I found out I was pregnant 4 days before the wedding, I thought that this news would be what would get him in gear.

Naw. You're just another fool who thought Aisle-Altar-Hymn means I'll Alter Him.

He grew up with an father that was not the best and always swore he would shape up and be the ideal father and husband.

STOP saying "he swore this and he swore that". Do you have any idea how inane it makes you sound?

Now, we have been married a month and I am ready for a divorce. I can totally be on my own and give my child a stable, calm life without worrying about his drama.

But? (Everytime they say something sane there is always a "but" attached to it.)

I told him last night and he is very hurt and angry and kept saying "only a month".

Damn right he is angry. He can hardly lay claim to 50% of your posessions and your pension if he's only been married to you for a month.

I need guidance. Can anyone help me?

Call your local laywer. He'll be more than happy to get your head out of your ass.

His Mother Likes Me

2006-01-11T13:00:00.000+01:00

It has been three months since my ex broke up with me (we were together for two years). My ex is a mama's boy who is also a teenager at heart and refuses to grow up. He still hangs out with teenaged friends and he is 32 years old. He still collects toys, stuffed animals, and acts like a teenager. He also drinks too much and smokes too much.

And it took you only 2 years to figure that out? How remarkable.

Our breakup was kinda nasty because I wanted him back for quite a while and he found a new gf.

The reason you wanted an overgrown baby back was?...

The first time we broke up, his mom helped to get us back together.

His mom?! Hellooo, stupid?! She's looking for a replacement! The clue phone is ringing, and it's ringing for YOU!

This time, I tried everything but he didnt want to get back to me. Instead he found a new gf that is 18 years old.

Awww, right up his alley...

I am now on the verge of a life changing move. After the ex broke up with me, I spent a long time trying to get back together with him. He was adamant about not getting back together with me. Finally I gave up and decided to move on with my life. I decided to move out to San Diego and found a new job out there.

Great, just make sure you don't fall for another manchild while you're at it.

Today, as I was driving, I got a weird phone call from the ex's mother. Asks me how I am doing. She also tells me that she wants to keep in touch with me even though I am moving away. She tells me that she thinks her son, my ex, still has feelings for me and that I should give it some time. To keep some limited contact with him, and that he will come back to me. She also wanted my parents' phone number (ugh) so she could get in touch with me if need be. She told me that she thinks my ex still has feelings for me because he is sad I am leaving. She tells me that she wishes that I had ended up being her daughter in law, because she thinks I am good for him.

ROTFLMAO. I can hear her thinking all the way to here:

Oh no! That silly bitch is going to run off to San Diego and it will be YEARS before I can find another tard like her, desperate enough to take that log of wood from my hands.

I told her that if he cared about me, then why did he find a new gf. She told me that he always likes to have a girl on his arms, but she is nothing, and if I clean up my life

YOU should clean up YOUR life? For a good for nothing

(by getting rid of my gay best friend),

Homophobic,

there is a big chance he will come back to me, because one of his biggest hangups with me was that I was too close with my gay best friend (who is also my first ex).

Insecure,

She told me that, like all guys, her son likes to be the center of attention and wanted to be the center of my life.

Aging Fratboy?!

She told me that she knows it will take time for me to get my life in order but that if I keep in contact with her, and limited contact with him, there is a BIG possibility that he may come back to me.

To which you replied: STFU! And if you ever call me or my parents again I'm going to file stalking charges.

Right?

I am not sure what to do now.

Huh?

I am on the precipice of moving out to San Diego and am excited and happy about the move, but her call has unnerved me a lot since it brought up a lot of memories, feelings, and hopes that i had been trying to forget for a long time.

I give up.

Drunk N Fuck

2006-01-06T16:21:00.000+01:00

I met a guy thru friends back in October. He told one of my guy friends that he likes me and to "go for it."

Huh? YOU should "go for it"?!

A few weeks later, I got up the courage to tell him I liked him. He said he wanted to start out as friends first and get to know each other.

That's why people date. They like what they see and start going out in order to get to know each other better.

Which we did. We have mutual friends and we all hang out t/g every weekend.

Hang out and see if you like each other enough to date? That doesn't make any sense.

Just recently, I was hanging out with him and he was very flirty with me. He has his arm on the back of the sofa and it end up around my shoulders. He gave me his number outta the blue.

I barely know this guy, he wont even ask me out, but he's hugging me, sort of... Oh wow! He must like me, he must really really like me!... Barf

We had been drinking. Later that nite, he started coming on to me really strong. We end up having sex.

She likes me, she really really likes me. Doesn't seem too particular about dating or being exclusive, either. I bet if I wait until she's drunk I could get a free ride...

He said it wasn't because he was drunk.

Of course not. He was horny.

I'm thinking that it was a combination of his feelings for me and drinking.

Oh I know why he fell all over me as soon as he had a couple of beers. He must be in love with me but too shy to tell me.

Grrrrrrrr. Yeah right.

My friends told me to NOT ask him about it and that if I bring it up to him, he'll think somethings wrong.

Oh definitely! You have to pretend it never happened or you'll give him the impression that you want something serious, and he'll go and look for no-strings sex somewhere else!

Bottom line, its not like we met and jumped in the sack.

But it's not like you were dating exclusively either.

I wanna know if I'm handling this the right way and if I should follow the advice my friends gave me.

Depends what you want. So what do you want?

I want to eventually date this guy.

Then you've got this so ass backwards it's pathetic. First you date, then you agree to be exclusive and then you sleep with him. Anything else is a One Night Stand, Friends With Benefits, etc. It rarely if ever leads to dating and a relationship.

Expiration Date

2006-01-06T15:15:00.000+01:00

I am 28 years old and have been dating my boyfriend (who is 25) for 4 1/2 years now.

Why? Too immature to snag someone your age?

We have broken up a couple times and dated other people, and we have always come back to each other...so I feel confindent that he is the person I want to be with and he wants to be with me.

I wouldn't be too sure about that. All it really tells you is that this isn't working out but nobody has the balls to move on.

The problem is that I am thinking marriage within the next year or two and he is not.

Why should he? 25 years old is still a fucking KID in man years.

We have discussed it once, but I don't want to keep bringing it up, because I really do not want him to feel pressured. But I also don't want to give him an ultimatum or deadline, because that will just scare him off.

Manipulation is not easy is it?

I just don't know what to do.

Tell him what you need and if he can't provide you move on to one who will...that usually works quite well.

I don't want him to think I am just going to wait around forever for him to propose.

What would give him that idea? I mean, you've only been waiting for him to pop the question for what, 5 years?

I want to married by time I turn 30 and I am afraid that it is not going to happen!

Oh, puhleze, get over yourself already. You sound like a heroine out of a badly written Chick Lit novel.

Married To Roger Rabbit

2005-12-29T19:35:00.000+01:00

My husnand has a serious problem, he likes to watch porn.

But that's the least of your troubles isn't it.

I caught him having internet sex with someone several times. When i confronted him with this he got angry.

Excuse me, he got angry? So what did you do? Say "I'm so sorry I barged in on your cyberfucking sessions, I should have knocked?"

What hurts me is I just had a miscarriage and could not have sex. I asked him why? Is it me? He then said that he would like to have sex 3 to 4 times a day. Then i told him ok i will try,

Spoken like a true disgrace to the female gender.

but i also told him i work mon-fri 8-5, we have 4 kids together, 9,6,2,1 (those are the ages),

Jesus lady, ever heard of birth-control?

when i come home i am feeding them, cleaning, washing, ironing clothes for the next day and making sure there homework is right and finished properly, while he is sitting on the couch.

Sorry. Can't feel sorry for you. Your fault for picking out a lazy bum and making so many kids with him.

I then told him that this is cheating, he then laughed at me.

Of course. He knows better than to take your weak admonition seriously.

I am hurt also cause he wants a threesome.

Cry baby.

I don't know why he does this.

It doesn't matter why. The question is are you finally going to grow some balls and kick him out or not?

I am not out of shape, i have a body like Beyonce,

and a mind like Britney Spears.

I think that is good for having 4 kids.

Stupid breeds eternal.

He Knows If You've Been Sleeping...

2005-12-24T14:21:00.000+01:00

Not That Into You

2005-12-23T14:44:00.000+01:00

My boyfriend smokes pot everyday throughout the day. Has no sex drive and all he wants to do is sit infront of the computer and play some dumb game or chat with online buddies from his game. He has no friends, never goes out and never wants to do anything but sit there and do nothing.

And you've met...how again?

Today he told me that he's not into me anymore and that the fire that he had for me is gone. i know that the best thing to do is for us to end this relationship but knowing that he's not into me is killing myself esteem.

So instead of walking out with at least some dignity left intact, you'll continue to glue on to him like a leech until he calls the cops.

Is it possible that pot smoking and the fact that he seems depressed is making him feel that he's not into me and is pushing me away?

So fucking what. It's not your problem to solve.

Or is it really the fact that i'm not attractive enough to have him want to make love to me?

Newsflash: You can't make everybody love you. Not even Jesus managed that.

He says he feels pressure by me. The times that we've had sex he's penis is not hard enough and he ejaculates quickly leaving me unsatisfied. I feel so terrible...this is hurting myself esteem....

Yes sweety, keep throwing quarters in that broken vending machine. God forbid, it might occur to you that there are perfectly functional vending machines right around the corner.

Can the pot be affecting his libido so much that makes him not want me?

The thought that a guy might just not want you anymore, (even if he's just one of the worlds biggest losers), must be really scary to you, huh?

He even told me i should find someone else because i deserve better...

The lights are on but nobody's home.

Christmas Shopping Fun

2005-12-21T12:17:00.000+01:00

Christmas is coming and i wanted to get my husband the Xbox 360. I was going to go stand in line at best buy at 3 a.m. but i heard that people were already in line at 4:00 pm to camp out all night for the xbox 360...so i resorted to ebay...

Oh, oh...

i was watching the bids and i placed one. i hit pay in the heat of it and authorized my credit card to pay it..my final cost was $760.00..they sell in the store for $400.00 plus tax...omg i know...

Yes. Oh my God...but not the fucking end of the world.

Well, i mistakenly left up the ebay screen and my dh seen it and said "i see an astronomical amount of money bid on the xbox, i hope you did not do this because i would never pay that much money, you need to cancel that bid" i said i already paid for it...oh why did i do that?!

Well why shouldn't you? What do you have to fear? Unless of course your husband is an emotionally abusive control freak.

Anyway, i tried to cancel, i tried contacting the seller, no response yet.

The seller would be have to be extremely silly or exceedingly kind to return that kind of money. It's not a commendable practice but you could chargeback if you are desperate enough...

We were supose to have "family day" dinner and king kong movie w/kids, daughter 14, son 16 (on zoloft)

On anti-depressants already, ey? But then again living everyday in an atmosphere of pent up anger and fear, for years, can do that to a kid.

My husband kept saying, "I would never pay that much..did agree that we would go together and shop for a gift for eachother like a movie camera so that we can have it for christmas and vacations, (and amateur porn scenes...)?" It was totally upsetting to everyone, the kids just sat around w/no expressions on their faces...

They are clearly used to this.

I lost it and was so sick to my stomach, i threw up in the bathroom, but all my husband could do was sit there and state over and over again that I should not have made such a stupid purchase.

Lovable fellow you have there.

I said to him , "stop already, no matter what you say, it's not going to change the fact that i did it, now let me try and undo it..." Anyway, an hour passed and he was like, lets go to the movies..well, the mood was null and void...the kids did not want to go, my son said , "You are not the one that has to take medication!"

What he forgot to add was: "But you are the one who should!"

I cant' take it, it's too emotional. that was the last my husband said anything...he left a check on the table and said to pay my credit card, it was the amount of the xbox..now after everyone got upset, he says "what ever happens happens" ...ok, i was wrong, BUT, he should not have carried on to so upset the kids like that...

So what are you going to do about it? (Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you're planning to grow a spine any time soon.)

i know how he felt, he did not have to pound it in my chest..which by the way was so heavy , i could not breath...i know i'm wrong, believe me, i will never bid on ebay again...

This has nothing to do with Ebay.

Seems like there are always holidays that i can say oh yeah, that was the Helloween that husband was mad at me for someting or other or oh yeah, that was the Christmas that husband opened his presents like they meant nothing, opened up a wallet and said oh, a wallet and put it aside.

One would say a no-brainer. Simply stop buying him presents right? But you can't, can you? You need his approval to be happy and the longer he withholds it, the more expensive the gifts get...

i know he doesn't mean to blow ...i know i was wrong...he had every right to be mad at me, we did discuss not getting anything for each other that we would shop and get a camera or something...i screwed up...

Yes, you're right! I'm an awful, disgusting human being for wanting to make you happy and I realize this now, but please, PLEASE can we go back to being lovey dovey again? I can't STAND it when people are mad at me...

We are so stressed and depressed right now.

Gotta love the holidays.

Horse & Carriage

2005-12-20T12:57:00.000+01:00

I am twenty years old and have been married for one year and 2 months.

Haven't you ever wondered why there is a law that says you can't drink unless you are 21...but any teenaged snot can get married and/or have kids?

My husband is currently out of the country, he is visiting his girlfriend, in europe. I know about this girlfriend, i talk to her on the phone, she even stayed with us for six weeks, last year, we got married at city hall while she was visiting.

A girlfriend. One that you knew about before you got married and obviously approved. So what's the problem?

She doesnt know we are married.

Huh? Didn't you just state you guys got hitched while she was staying over your place? What did you guys do, sneak off to city hall for an hour while she was visiting the museums?

Even his friends dont know we are married. I feel like things are backwards. like i am the woman he tries to hide.

Because he's already married?

Why did i marry him? Cause i am madly in love with him.

What I want to know is why did he marry YOU?

He told me he loved me, he said many things. A year later i find out that if it came down to it, he would chose her over me. Knowing this, i still stay with him. i feel like i screwed up big time.

Don't be so hard on yourself sweety. Brain damage, especially of the severe kind such as yours, cannot possibly be your fault... unless you've spent your formative years banging your head on a wall regularly.

I am the one who shares his bank account, who shares his bed, who puts up with him, who takes care of him. His friends are finally starting to figure out what is going on between us, and they wonder how i can put up with it, calling me a strong person.

I don't know how to break this to you, my dear child, but I'm afraid what they are really saying is "Lucky bastard! Why can't we find a stupid cunt like that?"

I sometimes feel like im his mistress, and hes trying to lie to about our marriage. its not supposed to be like this right?

Well if you must ask...

Im beginning to wonder what my purpose is. i dont know if he just keeps me around so he wont be lonely, and so he knows their will always be someone to sleep with.

Maybe. But he didn't have to marry you for that now, did he... So tell me. Did the guy have a green card before you two met?

Im his wife i deserve respect, dont i?

Tut tut..."respect", where did you ever hear a grown up word like that?

I want to be happy, and these days hes been gone, i have realized that maybe i have convinced myself to be happy. i would do anything for this man. he goes out with his friends, and drinks, i dont complain. when he comes in stumbling drunk, and puking, i take care of him, and do so much for him. but he just doesnt love me, i dont think he ever did. but i cant stop loving him, i have tried so hard.

Are those violins that I'm hearing?...

i dont want to be divorced at the age of 20. i meant what i said, i meant my wedding vows.

Yes, I'm sure you did, you sad twit. Did you also understand what they mean?

i do miss the fact that i did not have a wedding, but every time i think i want to leave, he does something or says something that changes my mind, i just cant leave him, i physically cant.

What? You have spinal injury too?!

Hes been gone for 15 days, and is coming back in 4 days, and i tried to pack up and leave, and every time i started, i broke down crying, and couldnt do it. i would look at our bed, and remember the times we had there. i cant even sleep at night, cause hes not with me. but, hes overseas sleeping just fine. its not fair, it really isnt.

It's not fair either, that I have to live with those overwelming urges to bitch-slap you for being the most insipid little whiner on the face of the earth. But that's life.

i talked to him last nite, and i said something along the lines of, "you havent seen me in 15 days" and he responded, " i know, thank GOD, i havent had to see you" so i told him if thats what he wanted, i could be gone before he got back, and he said he didnt want me to go.

Of course not. He has to get his green card first.

What is wrong with me?

Too much oxygen.

How To Get Promoted

2005-12-19T09:28:00.000+01:00

I'm 23 and dating a man who is 39.

Because my father ran off when I was 2.

It is a big age gap, but he is very young looking and so far the age gap hasn't got in the way.

I wear so much make up that people think I'm 30 anyway.

He's divorced with 2 kids. This isn't a problem for me.

It's not like he ever really sees them.

However, in the beginning he told me that he doesn't believe in anything after divorce. As far as he's concerned, if a marriage fails, then he shouldn't continue with serious relationships.

This is menspeak for "I just want a fuckbuddy."

This concerns me, because it's as if he's trying to tell me that he doesn't want our relationship to go anywhere.

Let me guess. You don't comprende menspeak.

Or is he just saying that he wants to take things slow?

Please, don't overexert your brain like this, it's not used to it. Unlike womenspeak, menspeak rarely has any hidden meanings.

Things are going well but I don't want to smother him too much and make him feel like I'm getting too close, so he ends up pushing me away.

Put the musket down slowely and back off NOW. You're NOT on an expedition in Kenya. You're NOT trying to catch a rare kind of elephant for your zoo back at home. STOP wasting your time trying to make a man get serious, when he clearly says he's not.

What can I do to show how much I like him and appreciate him without pressuring him?

What you're really asking is:

How do I get a guy to commit after he's clearly told me that he's just in it for the sex?

Hon if I knew how to do this I wouldn't be sitting here laughing at you; I'd be doing readings for Madonna at 20.000$ an hour.

I really like him. He said in a phone call last week that he loves me, which was a shock.

I love you = I want to marry you NOT.

He has suggested we go away on holiday together soon, which to me suggests that he wants to move things on...

In what way does wanting to go away on a holiday with one's bone-picker suggests that one wants a commited relationship?

Any advice??

Sure. Keep living your life on the premise of such intangibles as "suggest" and "assume" and I guarantee you, it won't be just your tush that will keep getting hairy.

Back. Now With Even BIGGER Morons...

2005-12-16T20:03:00.000+01:00

Just when you thought it was safe to procreate again...

I'M DATING A MARRIED MAN AND I WANT TO STOP!

OK, I KNOW WHAT YALL THINKING BUT ITS NOT LIKE THAT! HE'S MY BEST FRIENDS BROTHER AND HE HANGOUT WHERE I HANGOUT AT.

I USE TO SEE THIS GUY WAY BEFORE HE GOT MARRIED BUT I STOP TALKING TO HIM. I HAVENT TALK TO HIM IN OVER A YEAR, SO WHEN I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL HE WANTED TO TALK BACK TO ME BUT I DIDNT GIVING HIM THE TIME OR DAY.

SO ANYWAY I FINALLY GAVE HIM MY # AND HE WOULD CALL AN CALL BUT I WOULD NEVER GO OUT WITH HIM BECAUSE I WASNT INTERESTED IN HIM AND I STILL KNEW HE WAS MARRIED. UNTIL ONE DAY I FINALLY WENT OUT WITH HIM. IT WAS COOL AT THE BEGINNING AND THAT WAS 3MONTHS AGO AND NOW IT'S LIKE I WANT TO GET OUT THE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I'M UNHAPPPY.

OH I FORGOT TO MENTION HE HAS 3 KIDS 1 BY HIS WIFE AND ANOTHER ONE BEFORE HIS WIFE AND THE OTHER BY A GIRL HE CHEATED ON WHILE HE WAS MARRIED.

HE'S CONTENT WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT I'M NOT. I DONT KNOW IF HE STILL SEEING HIS BABYMOTHER WHO ALSO LIVE WHERE I BE. I'M KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT IM GOING TO STOP CALLING HIM AND I DID ONE TIME BUT HE CALLED AND WE TALK AND I STILL SEE HIM.

THIS IS NOT ALL BUT I DONT WANT TO TAKE TO MUCH OF YOUR TIME. WHEN I DONT CALL HIM I THINK ABOUT HIM AND WHAT HE DOING WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND WHEN WE ARE TALKING IM STILL THINKING ABOUT THE SAME STUFF.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

Humor Me, Will Ya?

2005-10-03T13:38:00.000+02:00

The Perfect Wedding Day

2005-09-17T16:26:00.001+02:00

I got married a week ago. On the morning of my wedding, my "husband" and I got into a little spat over him not wanting to talk to the DJ and give him directions, so I gave him vague directions and he got lost.

Of course. Everybody knows it's much easier to pick a fight with someone else because you can't give directions.

He started yelling at me, telling me that I had no reason to be annoyed and that I was acting like a baby. I explained that I was mad because he is friends with the DJ and all he had to do was talk to him for 2 minutes and give him more detailed directions. Well, one thing led to another and he wound up screaming at me that he was going to "rip my f***ing throat out".

Nice.

I started crying and was extremely upset. He never apologized. In fact, he kept saying that he never said that. Now, this was my wedding day. He went on to call me a baby and acted like everything was normal. This was 2 hours before my hair appointment. He kept saying horrible things so I finally told him to call his mom and call it off. He did and then demanded that I call my friends and tell them it was off. I did.

This is getting better than Jerry Springer. Please, go on.

Then he started screaming that he was going to the reception and he would marry one of his many exes that were going to be there. he said "Don't be surprised if I'm married to someone else tonight or within 2 weeks. I'm getting married to someone!!!" I cried all morning and he did not comfort me at all. He just smiled a devious smile.

Because he knew you didn't have enough balls to call his bluff.

He later convinced me to go through with the reception since we spent $20,000.00 and it wasn't refundable and people from all over the country were on their way there.

Trust a dumb broad to fall for that.

We took our vows. On the way to the reception, he told me that it was all a sham. That we only went through with it so that his mom didn't look like a fool in front of everyone. He kept talking about how much money we put out and he wanted to recoup it at the reception.

Spoken like a true gambler.

I was devastated.

Apparently not devestated enough to kick him in the balls and call a lawyer to arrange an annulment.

At the reception he acted like nothing was wrong. So I thought that maybe he was just joking when he said that it was all a sham.

That's a mistake many women make.

At the end of the night he proved me wrong. he didn't come home with me. He went out with his exes and came home at 6:00 a.m. That was my wedding.

So?

Now, a couple of the envelopes w/ money from the reception are missing and he is blaming me. He thinks I stole the money. His family has been telling him that cards kept falling out of the card cage onto the floor. But he doesn't listen. If he wants to place the blame, then why can't he be suspect. He went to the casino on our wedding night. For all I know, he took the money for gambling.

And coke. Don't forget the coke.

He has hurt me to the extreme. He keeps telling me that if we stay married, its my decision. He won't take off his wedding ring. He refuses to rip up the certificate.

And I bet somewhere in your deluded, underdeveloped brain that must mean he "loves you".

It's up to me, he says. He hasn't apologized or even tried to make up for his behavoir or the horrible things he has said to me.

Why should he? He's "recouped" the wedding money now and it's not like you actually meant anything to him.

He even told me that he won't be a father figure for my daughter because her father is involved in her life and he shouldn't have to have that responsibility.

Charming fellow, isn't he?

What have I done?

Something incredibly common. You married an asshole, due to stupidity, character weakness, and an outrageous lack of self-esteem. What are you going to do about it now?

Do I deserve this?

Yes.

I told him that a man who was getting married would not act or say the things he has said to me. I told him that no other man in my life would have treated me like this and that no other man in any of my friend's relationships would act like this. Now he's mad at me and is demanding an apology.

You mean you haven't done so already? What kind of a spineless twat are you?

This is ridiculus. HE ruined my wedding day.

Unless you were getting married to yourself, like all the other amoeba do, it was not just your wedding day.

I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.

Get over it already. One would think you were a 5 y.o. in Sudan and somebody cut your clit off with a piece of dull glass.

He has never told me that he loves me.

This was the least of your clues.

I guess I should have seen it coming.

Kinda hard to do when it's stuck in your mouth.

Geographical Cure

2005-09-15T21:03:00.000+02:00

I have been dating my Boyfriend for about 2 years now. I love my boyfriend and he is a great guy. He has treated me better then any other boyfriend but I have only been in two relationships.

After reading the letter I shudder to think what the others were like.

We both dream of moving to florida and living together. I would love to see this happen but I can't. I have graduated college, started my career and I'm ready to move on in life. He, on the other hand, quit his job about a year and a half ago and is still jobless.

Look, this isn't brain surgery, and you don't need to sleep with 20 dudes to figure it out either. If you are dating a "great...but" guy, then you get your butt off the sofa and get moving on.

He blames this on his criminal background for something he did at the age of 18 and he is now 28. He says that if we move to florida he can find a job.

Of course.

He has been filling out applications here and thats all. He shows no motivation when it comes to getting a job (he will get an interview but never follow up) and I think he really doesnt want one.

But...but... what makes you think that?

He is still living with his dad and his dad supports him. He plays Everquest online or plays cards online all day everday or watches tv. Again no motivation. He also is constantly watching and downloading exstreme amounts of porn and masterbating about twice a day.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the average woman's definition of a "great guy."

I wouldnt mind this but sometimes it makes me uninterested in having sex.

Having a non-starter for a boyfriend was never exactly conductive to the female libido.

And there are even times when he does not get aroused, cause he was masturbating too much already that day.

Pass the tissues.

So the fact that he has no job and does not show a want for one makes it hard to believe he will change if we move to florida together. Also his lack of motavation and want to do nothing but watch tv, play games, watch porn, and go out with his friends is starting to make me loose interest.

Well, obviously a part of your deductive reasoning is still operational, but...

I would love to see my dream come true "him with a job and me still in my career living happily in florida"

...I'd say the majority of the damage is permanent.

Is this possible?

I hear they do great things with voodoo these days.

What do I do...part of me wants to stay but part of me wants to go.

You are depressing me. Go away.

Cyber Love

2005-09-11T16:27:00.001+02:00

I am 30 years old and just recently ended my marriage to be with a guy i met online 10 months ago who happens to be 5 years younger then me.

You must feel so proud of yourself.

I was not ready to end my marriage till we had met up close.

...and I could assess for myself if his dick was as big as he claimed it was.

I went to europe and met up with him about 4 months ago and when I returned I filed for a divorce.

Good girl. [pat, pat]

But he is still over protective. He reads my emails and doesnt allow me to talk with my friends online. He demands to know all the passwords to all my email accounts and my voicemail. And it annoys me because I know he checks up on me. He picks fights all the time for the littlest things, like if someone emails me or if I don't call him the minute I wake up or I log in and don't tell him.

Overprotective eh?

I told him I ended my marriage to be with him so why is he is still like this?

He figures if you did it with him you'll do it to him.

He always has something to say about what I do wrong and that I dont know how to be in a relationship.

That much is true.

He says he ~~is more fucked up~~ loves me more than ~~I am~~ i love him that is why the little things bother him more. And that he will change when I go there in a year to be with him and we are finally together but I don't believe him.

There is much to be said about the mental ability of a woman who lets some wacko fuck with her mind all the way from the other side of the pond.

I think he will still be this way.

You think? No honey, if you actualy did think you'd be dangerous.

We fight all the time and when we fight it gets nasty and he calls me bad names. Yet when I try to end things he begs me to forgive him and that he will change but nothing is changing.

I have some (slightly moldy) cheddar that would go perfectly with this whine.

And he says that I have brought him to be the way he is because I started the relationship when I was still married and now he has no trust in me. He also says I make him call me bad names because I dont admit my faults and I aggrevate him.

You know why this method is such a classic? Because it never fails.

I told him if I am so horrible then why are you still with me and he says because he loves me to much. Which to me doesn't make sense.

You need sense to make sense.

Everytime i try to end it he cries, says I dont love him and I did nothing for him and states I am just like the rest of them and begs me not to end it and I go back.

Oh yes, having a guy treat you like dirt and then beg you to stay is such a turn-on...

I dont know what to do! Please help!!

Well... it doesn't look good this year and the next one doesn't look good either. The waiting list for lobotomies is long.

Oral Fixation

2005-09-08T18:53:00.000+02:00

I really need some relationship advice. I have been going out with my boyfriend for ten and a half months. We are very affectionate, he tells me he loves me all the time, calls me Amy ::insert his last name:: or wifey occasionally.

Let me guess, and you find that soooo romantic. (Barf)

We are together almost everyday, and get along great. Yet last night, he told me that he wants to take a break. He said he is confused about how he feels about me. He has been confused for about the past month. He said he knows I have my heart 100% into this relationship and I deserve someone who can do the same. He feels we are rushing into things, and doesnt know if he wants a marriage and a kid to result out of this relationship.

Oh man, she really had me going there for a while, and I said and hinted all kinds of things that maybe I shouldn't have. Now she expects the big M. Not right away, but definitely some point down the line...

Dunno. She's ok, a little boring in the sack, though. Sammy, my girl-pal, said I can do better. Looked at me weird when she said it too. And that hot-looking girl at work has been smiling a lot to me lately...

The weird thing is we both have talked about the prospect of marriage and a baby girl, we have even picked out a name and speak quite frequently about the future...this is the far future though.

No, you talked. He just said what he thought you wanted to hear.

He even has said marriage in spring of 06, a baby not before summer 08. (All the while thinking, hopefully the world will end before then.) He said he just needs some time to figure out how he truly feels.

aka. play the field.

My sister thinks that our relationship has progressed too soon too fast. We feel in love quickly, and he needs time to figure out how he really feels.

Have you noticed how this only seems to be a male problem. Most women never seem to have any trouble attaching themselves, all the way to the hilt, to the first idiot who comes along.

I am supposed to hang out with my boyfriend this coming Sunday...he still wants to hang out once a week or so.

I know, I'll put her in the back burner just in case. Alwas a good idea to have a girl, eager2please, around.

We both will not be dating anyone else. (officially) He says he wants to spend some time with me, but does not want to have ~~penetration~~ sex while we are sorting this out.

As he'll be getting that from somewhere else.

He has a high sex drive, loves recieving oral. I don't give it to him quite as often as he'd like. He has told me that he would like me to do it more (I do it once a week or so) as I am currently not satisfying his oral needs.

"I might stick around but you'll have to blow me every day, preferably as soon as I wake up in the morning."

So the thing is, I don't know if I should give him lots of space and try to better or sex lives through oral. We have sex quite frequently (3 times a week at least), but what is lacking from his point of view is oral.

While of course you're satisfied with any dregs he chooses to dish out to you...

I don't know how I should act when I see him on Sunday...should I dress provocativly, and attempt to turn him on? Shove him against a wall and give him the oral he desires?

Sure, go ahead, let him have some anal too while you're at it. Then write back to us and tell us how it went. And don't spare on details either.

Or, should I look nice, but let him make any moves if he chooses to do so?

Whatever. Either way smacks desperate to me.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Any advice = "only advice on how to keep him".

I truly feel that this relationship is meant to last, and he is my One True Love.

I also believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

I Was Used

2005-09-07T11:43:00.000+02:00

To make a long story short I dated him 14 months. We seemed happy and enjoyed our time together. But several times he borrowed money from me and did not repay me.

I Love You + Lend Me Money = Loser

And he had me to run errands for him, do laundry, ect.

...which I did, because I thought it would make him realize that I'm The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Him (TM) and he would stay with me forever.

The last time I saw him he gave me $125 to take to the dealership to make the final payment on his car. ( This (one and only) time from his own money.) The dealership is only a few miles from my home. He said I could give him the receipt when we would meet for lunch the next two days. Well, I made the payment, got the receipt and went to meet him for lunch but he never showed up.

What for? His car is paid now.

Never called to cancel our date or even to tell me he was getting back with his ex. It has been 6 weeks now and I never heard from him again.

Your contract has been terminated, your services no longer needed.

A week after he did not show up for our lunch date I did some checking and discovered he moved back in with his ex! At first I was devastated. Now that much of the heartbreak is gone, it is being replaced by anger. Maybe I should not say it (Why not? Oh I forgot, "good girls" don't say things like that.) but I feel I hate him now.

You don't really hate him, you hate yourself, because you thought you had a deal. You were going to be the maid/secretary/bank and he was going to be "everything you've ever wanted". (ugh) Only you forgot to communicate this deluded little expectation to him, didn't you?

It disgusts me thinking how he made love to me often then run back to his ex. After all, I'd NEVER do that to HIM.

So? Not everybody thinks like you do, and if you had any brains you would have known that from the beginning. The clues were there.

What do you think of this: I found out he moved back in w/his ex the day after we made love(the last time I saw him)!

Sex doesn't have the same connotations attached to it for everyone. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Not only that I am angry at the fact I let him have my money several times that he never paid back. And run errands for him. I was loyal, affectionate, honest and nice to this man. This is the way I get treated for it.

He simply took what you freely offered, while you thought, "by accepting my undying adoration, you bind yourself to the following Terms Of Service."

He even once said a woman has never been as good to him as me.

That alone should have tipped you off.

He said that he never wanted to lose me. Well, he did.

No honey, he didn't lose you, you lost him.

If he ever realizes the mistake he made and wants me back, it won't work...(very easily)

Actually, I'm hoping he will call wanting me back. That would be my revenge because I'd tell him off. I'd tell the jerk to go back to his ex again! And if I ever bump into him I will sock it to him. I am bitter toward him because of the way he did me.

A pussy looks in the mirror and fancies herself a tiger. Chill. Guys like him rarely return to a mark that lent them money, and if you throw a hissy fit on the street all he's going to do is turn around and tell his new doormat, "it's the psycho-ex I was telling you about."

Is this normal to feel this way toward one you loved and cherished so much?

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

After all I feel he used me.

How did he use you exactly? Cause all I see here is a little girl who is pissed, because the loser, whom she was unskillfully trying to wrap around her little finger, got away.

Will I always feel this way?

Probably.

I'm sorry if I said anything to offend. I'm very angry right now.

Don't worry My Child. I'm sure God Will Understand. Now say 10 Hail Marys and [request for sexual act cencored].

To Love And To Cherish

2005-09-05T10:03:00.000+02:00

I am married to a man that can be the sweetest person you'd ever want to meet.

..which is just a playact to hide the mean fucker he really is.

The problem is that after we were married for a few months he began to sexually and mentally abuse me. I won't go into great detail about it. I'll just say that even when I made it very clear that I didn't want sex, he made sure that he got it.

I can only imagine how much horror lies behind that understatement.

He made me feel so horrible that I would just give in and lay there to take my medicine. It was a very demeaning and terrifying experience.

Rape usually is.

After some serious arguing, I finally got him to see that he had to stop. It slowly subsided. It has been months since it last happened.

Sweety, while the abuse is not happening in the way it use to, I'm willing to bet it's still taking place in another form. Those things just don't stop just because of an argument.

He is going to go to counseling when his insurance at his new job goes in effect. (He is bipolar, by the way.)

Councelling is not enough. Bipolar persons often need meds to control their condition, meds which many times they refuse or suddenly stop taking, because they miss the high they used to have, as their condition was on the upswing.

It's difficult to be them or to live with them at the best of times, but one should expect, even from them, a minimum adherance to the law, and the law clearly states that rape is wrong. People who don't comprehend this simple fact need to be sent to a correctional facility until they DO.

It all seems like it should be getting better now... but it isn't.

Are you kidding me? Sometimes a lifetime is not enough to get over rape.

I am trying my very best to let go of the pain but it is still there. I've lost all desire to have sex with him.

Completely normal, I would say.

He was very understanding for a while. Now it has been going on a month since we have slept together and he's getting impatient. The last two days he's been asking me how long it is going to take me to get over this.

This man has no concept of what he's done to you. If he really did, he would have been willing to do anything to make it up to you, including chopping his own dick off.

I'm very sure that I would have left by now if I didn't have a baby who is due for heart surgery in a month. I'm an emotional time bomb these days. The thing that eats at me the most is that I allow the abuse. Why would any woman knowingly allow a man to hurt her over and over again?

Because she loves her child more than anything and is so frightened out of her mind that she has convinced herself there is no way out?

A few nights ago he kept me up until around 3AM arguing about why I just don't get over what he's done. AND... why I just won't give him some. He did the very same thing the next night. He makes me feel horrible and exhausts me so much until I say "HERE! JUST TAKE IT!!!" I know he knows how to get his way. He knows that I will do that because I just can't take any more.

Yes.

How is that fun? What is such a turn on about the woman you supposedly love being turned away from you and crying because she doesn't know whether to throw up or cut your penis off?

I have no idea either, but maybe some sicko out there can explain it for us.

Once the surgery is over, I'm not sure what will happen. Will I be so stuck in the "victim" cycle that I will stay?

This is completely up to you.

I just want to run out of here screaming at the top of lungs and running over everything in my path. I couldn't do that anyway. The only time I'm allowed to leave by myself is to get groceries!

Life doesn't have to be this way unless you want it too. You do have a choice. As soon as you feel able, take some extra change with you and call here.

--

PS. This letter departs from the usual parade of dumb fucks, for the simple reason, that the person who answered this letter simply advised the woman and her husband to get councelling. "If both of you are in treatment all of this can be worked through, sorted out and forgiven. You can go forward if you choose to. It will take time, patience and work on both your parts though."

Just reading that even messed me up.

Hello Ms. Psychologist, Award Winning Author and Esteemed Guest on Radio and TV-shows?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Rape is a crime! And I don't care if the rapist is the "woman's husband", it's a CRIME. Councelling is NOT a cure it all, except maybe for the councellor's wallet.

"Get councelling" was the last thing this woman, who is clearly at the END of her rope, needed to read.

Ghost Of An Ex

2005-09-02T07:59:00.000+02:00

I have lived with my b/f for 6 years and up until recently his ex has never been an issue.

So? Depending on the character of your partner, an ex can come back and bite you in the a$$ even as far as 20 years down the road.

She does have 2 kids with him and last week she was arrested for a dirty drug test and the state of Utah took her kids.

Nice going white trash.

We tried to get them and this I will back him all the way. But now he and his ex talk all the time and he tells her to call him if she is going to fall off the wagon call him any time day or night and he will help her.

No fear! Your enabler is here!

They talk and laugh on the phone and he tells her about things that happen here

Uh, yeah, I got a blowjob yesterday, but it wasn't as good as the one you used to give me.

he only talks about the kids very little.

What for? It's not like any of them cared for the kids in the first place.

He tell me, she needs him so she can get the kids back and that is the only reason he is nice to her, (?) when they are not on the phone together he cuts her down but you would never know that is the way he feels when she is on the other line and I have known him for 6 years.

And you're lapping it all up, because you're afraid of losing him.

I think she is back in his life and he just will not admit it cause I pay for everything he cannot work and is fighting with disability.

Honey that's not a boyfriend, that's a gigolo, and not even a very good one at that. If you're going to pay for sex, let me know, our male ho-bag from the sports section has gotten tired of writing inane articles about overpaid NBA brats.

Do you think I'm right or am I just being paranoid please help cause I am at my wits end.

Yes, you are just paranoid, go take ~~30 pills~~ a pill and call me in the morning.

He even tells her he loves her and very rarely tells me that.

Whores rarely "love" their Johns.

But he keeps telling me it's only for the kids and If I do not understand that then I'm stupid.

Well, he's at least right about one thing.

But I do not understand.

Because you're stupid?

he can laugh and talk with her and be so relaxed and with me he is always on edge.

Come on, cut the working boy some slack.

Is this just the beginning of the end.

Of what?

Dating Sites And The Bored Boyfriend

2005-08-30T09:57:00.001+02:00

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Well about a year into our relationship I was using his computer and I accidently (my ass) hit the history button and saw all the websites he had been going to. One of them was a "dating" website.

Yawn. Was it at least a gay dating site?

When I started looking a little bit further I saw that he had been looking up girls that had profiles in our area and he even had a profile up that said he was "single and looking".

Of course. You don't go about setting profiles at dating sites if you aren't "looking" in some way or another.

I was furious and confronted him about it. He said it was just a stupid thing that he did when he was bored (?!) and he would never contact any of those girls and he would NEVER cheat on me.

And like a good, desperate girlfriend I believed that.

Of course he went off and said I had no right to be snooping.

So? Every cheater/liar says that. People, who have nothing to hide, could care less.

First, of all he is very shy and it is hard to believe that he would go out and cheat on me.

Oh really?

But the way I think of it, is why even bother putting up a profile if you are not interested. I thought he was just playing with fire. Anyways, I forgave him and told him not to do it again.

(fingerscrossing) Yes mom!

The day before yesterday he was using my computer and he left his email open. I know I should have not done it, but I looked in it really not expecting anything.

Liar.

I saw that he had registered on match.com on a night that we had an argument. Needless to say I was furious. I looked him up on that site and it said once again that he was looking for "something casual, with no strings attached."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

While I was livid I registered on the website with a fake profile that I knew would interest him, since I know what he likes. I (as my fake profile) actually even sent him a note today that I was interested in him. I don't like playing games, and now that I have cooled off I am itching to say something to him.

Ok, so you go wail to him, "Wah, I found anoooother profile. How could you do this to me after I told you not to?" and he says "So? I was bored/pissed, it didn't mean anything....Wait minute, what were you doing snooping in stuff again. What the fuck's wrong with you? You better do something about that jealousy, girl, if you keep it up you'll make me got out on you for real!"

What will you say then?

He doesn't have any clue that I saw his email and I have been acting all sweet with him and asking if he loves me and is he really into our relationship, if he is bored.

You can quit patting yourself on the back, Miss Detective. Unless that's your usual (lame) way of acting, you're being anything but subtle.

I just don't get it, we hardly ever fight and I try to give him space when I sense he needs it and we just get along well.

ie. I am such a doormat, why would he go out on me when there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. Hell, I'd even go for a threesome if he asked me sweet enough. (But only if it were with another guy)

He treats me great and is loving, helps me with everything, is always calling me and coming over

...to check his e-mail and get some free nookie.

I don't want to get into a fight with him but I just can't drop this nagging feeling.

ie. Even I, in my infinite stupidity, can't deny it any longer...

I am tempted to see if he would go through doing something with my online alter ego and at the same time I just want to confront him about the whole thing...

Of course I could kick his ass to the curb too. But nah, way too simple, not enough drama.

Oh and I forgot to mention, once I saw the new website, I went to the original one that I caught him on and his profile is still up. He even added new pictures to the site and he even had the balls to add a picture that I took of him that I just LOVED. It pisses me off that he would use that picture to pick up other girls. I am fuming!!!

Go take a cold shower. It just might stimulate your undeveloped mental facilities.

Brotherly Love

2005-08-28T09:20:00.000+02:00

I just want to know if I am being to jealous, insecure, or just down right insane.

Or all three.

So I went away to Lake Tahoe with my boyfriend, his sister and my cousin. I had a GREAT time

...for about 5 minutes.

- except something that was a little weird going on.

Oh?

During our 16 hour drive to Lake Tahoe, I noticed that my boyfriend and his sister were talking more with each other than either of them talked to me or my cousin. So my boyfriend and his sister are close - I have always known this. To a degree, yes, I have always been a little jealous over it because I want that with him.

Yes, many other girls have a thing for unattainble or emotionally unavailable men. They can't all be obtuse can they? Maybe some are just mentally deranged.

So later on that night, we all get ready to go out. I am dressed semi-okay - just like all of us were. So my boyfriend comes up to his sister and says "WOW - YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!" I was sitting right there and he looks at me and says "WHAT, ARE YOU MAD I DIDN'T SAY IT TO YOU?!?"

Well, he does seem to have all the earmarks of a true moron. Yup, I'd say you two deserve each other.

I didn't know what to do so I just said "I could care less!"

Oh you lame duck you!...Here have some bread.

I mean he made that comment in front of everyone and I surely didn't want to start an argument or show my feelings were hurt.

He was counting on exactly that.

So as my boyfriend helped me through the snow to the car, he asked if I was mad and I said "no, I am hurt, and you know why!" He did know why.

No he didn't. He fell silent because he was busy trying to navigate your answer through the air between his ears.

We got to the casino and he pulled me aside and asked me again what was up.

So you coldly said:

"If you ask me that a third time, I'm going to kick you right between your legs."

All I said was "you know why!" (Cause I'm a nice passive-agressive chick and I don't say things like that.)

He totally apologized and said he felt super bad about it.

No he didn't. People who say things like that are either out to fuck with your mind and know exactly the effect of what they're saying or they are too inane to learn how to be considerate.

So the night was fun - we got back to the cabin - went to sleep. The next morning his sister and I made a deal where she cooks breakfast while I do the dishes from the day before that we left out. So I cleaned and she cooked my boyfriend breakfast. He was sooooooo appreciative - gave her a hug - kept thanking her over and over. She handed him a napkin and he thanked her two times - and very heartfelt thank yous. OVER A NAPKIN! Everything she said or did - he laughed - LOUDLY! Kinda like you do when you first are falling for someone. He almost seemed to be flirting with her - and she almost seemed to be flirting back.

Ok, ok. I get the drift....ugh.

My cousin even picked up on it. She pulled aside and asked if I was okay and I told her I really wasn't and she said "let me guess why...it is because your boyfriend treats his sister like his girlfriend and you like his sister?" And that was it - she hit the nail on the head!

So what are you going to do about it?

So my boyfriend and my cousin left not too long after that to go snowboarding. Of course my boyfriend didn't say bye to me - only his sister (but I was heading upstairs to the bathroom to cry because I was just feeling real low).

Wah, fuckin wah.

So my boyfriend and cousin get back from snowboarding - he comes and sits down by his sister and puts his head on her shoulder and she props his feet up on her.

How sweet.

After we all decided to go to bed he asked me what was wrong. So I told him. He came back with "you are just jealous!" Well heck yeah I am, I want my boyfriend to tell me I look beautiful, I want my boyfriend to appreciate me giving him a napkin or me cooking for him, I want my boyfriend to laugh at stupid things I say - I want that bond that he has with her - which I should be having.

Out of curiosity: If a vending machine were out of Mars bars, would you still sit there 4 hours later and whine about it? (Probably.)

All he could admit was that he rarely complimented me and he should do it more often.

That might be an acceptable excuse from dork who truly doesn't know the ways of the polite world, but this guy knows...and you know he does.

I said "it sucks because she will always be the number one female in your life!" and he got so
mad, turned over and sat there for a while and then said how messed up that was for me to say.

The old "It ain't me, it's you."

But you know what, I mean it. I told him that too.

There might be hope for you yet.

Am I out of line for feeling the way I do?

Ok, strike off the above. If you must ask you're hopeless.

I honestly feel he'd drop ANYTHING for her, and the sad thing is...I don't think he'd do the same for me. He swears he would - but sometimes I just don't know. :(

So? If someone's actions are not congruent to their words, then you go by their actions.

Do you have any advice?!?? I feel this is such a sticky situation I am in! :(

It's only sticky because you make it so.

Other Woman's Nightmare

2005-08-26T14:37:00.000+02:00

About a year and a half ago I met a man on-line. I found out after about a month that he was married with three kids.

So?

The problem was, I liked the attention and he said he was going to leave her.

The problem was, I was so dumb that I actually thought this would work.

After about another 3 months he did leave her and he moved in with me. I felt horrible for her, but I loved him and didn't want to lose him.

Love had nothing to do with it, more like desperation to have a man, any man, and an advanced stage of mental retardation.

He seemed like a different guy then.

It's called the honeymoon phase for a reason.

Now we have been together all this time and he still talks to his ex wife at least once a day. Sometimes several times a day. He does have kids with her, so I understand that there are times he MUST talk with her. We get the kids every single weekend for the entire weekend.

Welcome to reality.

He gave her his tax refund for a car, because he was driving her back and forth to work every day in my van (behind my back at first).

When the wife becomes the Other Woman...

Now she has a car, but he still is constantly running around for her. He slept with her about 8 months ago. She ended up telling me about it (to rub it in my face). We fought about it, but decided to work past it. I can't seem to get past it.

You're long past all respectability and reason, honey.

He thinks it's normal for a guy to talk every day with the mother of his children. Is it? He thinks it's normal to take the kids every single weekend even though it means him and I can't make any plans. He sneaks off to call her sometimes. He lies to me to go do things for her so that I won't be angry.

Heh, the joke's on you now. In another couple of months you'll be back to cruising online sites, while they'll be feverishly working on their reconcilliation baby.

He is so afraid to let this woman down! He freaks out if the kids clothes gets dirty. I mean honestly gets all upset and swears and stuff. She was very controlling and it seems like she still controls.

Nobody has that power unless the other person gives it to them.

Can someone give me some insight as to how to get him to stop or even if I can get him to stop?

Stand on your head naked and cluck like a chicken 5 times during the 3rd full moon of the 4th season.

I love him like crazy but I can't stand all this drama anymore!

Oh, come on, you Jerry Springer addict, admit it you thrieve on it.

She Wants Him Back

2005-08-24T13:32:00.001+02:00

My boyfriend hadn't been talking to me for about 3 weeks now and i didnt know why he wasnt talking to me.

So how long will you continue to wait until you get the hint?

i tried to call him he wont answer my phone calls and he wouldnt answer the phone when i called him. so i got really upset Thursday morning and sent him an email at work calling him every name in the book and i said something really bad that he's sensitive about i said "if i had known i had to put up with your bullsh*t, then im glad i got rid of your child."

I'm so proud of you for not propagating. Wait, I don't have a medal of honor but I think I have a NARAL pin here somewhere.

he was really upset when i had an abortion last year, and now i know i really f*cked it up with him, he thinks i never cared about him or loved him or loved our baby because of what i said.

Wrong. He's there thinking, oh my gawd, and I nearly had a child with this crazy-ass bitch?!

he just said right now he needs some space and time and if it was meant to be then we might get back together. im so distraught over this guys i need some advice really bad.

Uh, yes, uh, I know, voodoo can help. Stick your head in a bucket full of water for 10 minutes. Yeah, that should help.

our relationship has never gotten this bad, he used to call me everyday just to say hi he was and still is a really good boyfriend. the only problem i saw with our relationship was distance (we are both military hes in CA i got stationed in ID).

Ok. Just a slightly off-topic question: Aren't basic writing skills mandatory in the military anymore? Have they really gotten that desperate?

we were planning to get married in april even though we are both 19.

so that we can divorce at 21 like all of our friends at the base.

i just got upset was because his behavior was all so sudden with the no-phone calls and no-calling back.

So? Since when was that an acceptable excuse to spew out filth and hurt people?

i really still love him and i always cared about him and we were always there for each other, and i know i shouldn't have said those things, i was just so upset of why i was being ignored.

Stick a lollipop in your mouth or something and go do some growing up you whiny brat.

December Loves May

2005-08-22T14:39:00.000+02:00

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other on and off for 3 years. I am 26 and he is 49,

What's the problem, are you too ugly to get one of your own age?

but we have lots in common and I really don't feel the age gap most of the time.

Except when we´re in bed and he has trouble getting an erection.

We didn't have a very good year as we broke up twice and in June, (we weren't together then), I went and kissed a younger guy (he's about 21) when I went on holidays.

Who happened to be my kid brother.

So now I sometimes feel I want to try to be with a guy my age, just to test the waters...

I want to find out if it's true that a young one can do it two times in a night.

it felt good that I could just walk down the street with him and kiss in the middle of the street without thinking of anything. I don't do that with bf because I don't want him to be seen as an old pervert.

I don´t want people to think I was so desperate for a guy that I settled for an old pervert.

I love my bf and he is so crazy about me. The other problem is that these few days I don't enjoy kissing anymore. I used to like it when he kissed my ear but now I just don't feel like being licked that way. I am also not really interested in sex. I don't get turned on, even when I look at some erotic images or just watch sex scenes in movies (they used to turn me on), but I think that could be something to do with the Pill.

After the 21 year old, my boyfriend suddenly started reminding me of (ugh) my dad, but I don't want to admit that I don't want him anymore so I blame my disgust on the Pill.

I am guessing that we're just suddenly being too intense. We've been seeing each other almost everyday. I feel I need to breath and just chill out at home on my own.

I wanna bet you wouldn't say that if he was a hot looking 25 year old. You'd be writing and whining to me about "ooooh why can't he commit".

I get such mixed feelings because I want to be with him yet I want to be on my own.

I want to break up with the old boy, but I don't want to look like I'm superficial, ya know what I mean?

Also, the way he is so crazy about me makes me want to distance myself.

Desperation is never sexy.

I feel angry that I feel this way, maybe it is just PMS.

PMS doesn't last all month long, but denial does.

I have such mixed feelings, I don't know how to resolve them.

You don't want to.

Back-Up Girl

2005-08-20T19:30:00.001+02:00

I met this guy almost 3 years ago. He was dating when I first met him. We were very much attracted to each other and so we started seeing each other even though he was dating this other girl.

I would love to know how you'd react if some other girl thought it was ok to sleep with your boyfriend just because she had the hots for him. But, let me guess, you don't have a boyfriend.

Then the girl broke up and he didn't ask me out right away and I completely lost it and got very very mad at him and eventually we just stopped talking to each other.

Why did you get mad? Surely you weren't that dumb to think this sordid sex-affair meant anything to him, did you?

Then he started seeing this other girl an it's been around 2 years and they are still seeing each other. Their relationship is not exactly perfect, they are having quite a bit of problems.

All relationships have problems. It's how you deal with them that counts.

We started talking to each other again and he started flirting with me and we kissed a couple of times.

So? Many assholes like to fuck around with spineless, desperate girlies.

Then I was injured and out of the picture for couple of months and now I am back at work and have started talking to him again. He told me that he likes me and he always has but he has a girlfriend and he needs to figure out what to do. Also he is living with her right now.

Isn't that like... telling you something?

According to him, the are having a lot of problems but then definitely there is something which is preventing him from breaking up with her.

She gives head that good?

I have strong feelings for this guy. During this three years, he has cheated on both of his girlfriends with me.

And, like the fool you are, you think this must be love, eh?

He wants to be friends and see what happens.

What part of "I don't want you" is so hard to understand?

I am not sure about it. I have made it clear that I wont have any intimate relations with him till he breaks up with his girlfriend and moves out.

Why should he? There is nothing you could offer that he can't find in the next cubicle. There are many, many sad women like you, my dear.

Everytime we go out, we end up flirting with each other, though I have made is clear that nothing is going to happen between us.

If that's what it takes for you to think that a guy is seriously interested you must be really in need of a lobotomy.

Is there anything I can do to make things work between us, or shall I just forget about this and move on?

No, please stick around, spend another few years flirting with him. Write back and whine some more. You wouldn't want to actually wake up, straighten out and put me out of business would ya?

Cut My Nose To Spite My Face

2005-08-18T12:02:00.000+02:00

My boyfriend has the habit of 'vanishing' and 'not calling back' and 'not being reachable' sometimes for a whole weekend.

That's perfectly normal behavior...for another girl's boyfriend.

I watched this for 3 weeks now and I restrained myself from breaking up or having a one night stand. But I could not.

So instead of cheating to get back at him, which only the dumbest ho-bag would do, you broke-up and started a course in learning how to communicate?! (Can't be.)

One night he said he would call me and he loves me. And when I called hours after we agreed to talk his friend picked up the phone and told me my boyfriend is 'busy' talking to a male friend and can not talk to me, not even say hello. At 11 pm on a saturday?

Hey, maybe your boyfriend was trying to talk his "friend" out of jumping off from the Empire State Building because the dude grew 36D boobs overnight. Didn't you think about that?

I snapped. I didnt say much. I hung up the phone and went out with one of my male friends. What do I need to say. I ended up having sex with my male friend.
It was nice. I do not regret it.

No, you need a conscience, and some mature brain-cells for that.

I broke up with my boyfriend the next day. I did not tell him that I cheated on him.

No, of course not, you don't actually want him to think that you are a two-time strumpet or anything.

He begged me to stay with him and had a good excuse for his behaviour.
I stayed with him.

And not just because you're a sucker for a good story either.

Next weekend; same game. So I slept with another friend of mine.

If you're going to make a career out of this, you might want to consider me as your manager. I wouldn't ask for a big cut either. Just 70% or so.

And now I realised that I am HURTING MYSELF in this relationship! I end up sleeping with man I do not want to sleep with just because my boyfriend hurts, rejects and neglects me all the time.

Tone down the self-awareness crap. If you did "get it" you wouldn't be writing here.

I need to end the relationship with my boyfriend. But it is almost like an addiction. Like a drug.

Oh yes, yes, ignore me, use me, treat me like dirt I am baby!

I know he keeps on coming back to me. And I keep on taking him back. But the burden of me cheating on him gets too much.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for you now? Just wondering.

I do not really have the strength to break up. I do not want another relationship of mine to fail. Even though it is not my fault.

Yes, I can see how being a compulsively cheating psycho-slut is someone else's fault.

I can not stand this guy anymore. I fear to talk to him or to see him. I feel guilt and pain at the same time.

Awww, wanna a (slightly used) tissue?

On the other hand I am still the one calling him and trying to 'make things work'.

Consistency is never the forté of the mentally ill mind.

Please help me!

Sure, just tell me where to shoot.

Jacking Off To The Phone

2005-08-16T19:48:00.000+02:00

I have been married all of 9 months. My husband is a great guy. Would bend over backwards to make me happy.

I am truly fascinated by some women's definitions of a "great guy". It usually turns out to be some skunk that I wouldn't want to touch with a 10-foot pole.

But here is the thing.

This oh so tiny little thing...

I have noticed that he is like addicted to porn and phone sex. He doesn't realize I know about the phone calls when I'm gone.

If you tell me that you knew about this before you married him, I'm going to thump you.

Its affecting the way I feel about myself, and makes me conserned about how he is with our 4 month old when I'm not here.

You got married because you were knocked up? Good goin' twit.

Just last night, I had to run some errands. I came home about 2 hours later to hear my baby screaming in his crib and found out that my husband was apparently masterbating to a porn flick and on the phone with some sex line.

I don't know what to do.

Ask Lorena Bobbit. I'm sure she has a couple of good ideas.

I certainly want to do whatever I can do to make this marriage work.

Can you clap with one hand too?

When I confront him with things he just acts as if I am over reacting. I dont know how to bring this up without making him sound like a terrible husband and father.

Denial becomes you.

I just feel totally lost and even more scared.

I would feel scared too if I had so little brain power.

I don't want to leave the house without my son anymore.

When I'm home he is a doting father and husband. Its like a secret double life.

I hear they have a 12-step program for that.

Anyone here have some suggestions on how to make this better?

Stick your head a little deeper in the sand and your butt a little more higher in the air. Atta girl. (Kick)

Married To A Vampire

2005-08-15T14:50:00.000+02:00

I met this man 1yr ago and still can't understand.

You're in good company.

When I met him he told me, that about 8 years ago he was with this woman awhile after his wife passed. They had a relationship but it only lasted 4 years because he asked her 3 times to marry him and she refused. So he broke the relationship but carried on a business working relationship with her hanging wallpaper.

Horizontaly?

When we got together he said one night he needed to tell her about me and that he was changing families. HMMMM.....??

Are you sure he didn't say "going to have two families"?

I thought that was strange but went on. Well she was extremely mad that she threatened to kill me if she ever seen me alone.

So you told the police and filed a restraining order, right? RIGHT?

Well he still worked for her despite all the evil things this lady has tried and 3months later he married me.

You married a guy you only knew 3 months? Why wait so long? Why not get married right away? (snort)

We have now been married almost a year. And all through this marriage he has spent nights with me days with her. Saying he is working.

Yeah, right, whatever.

She does everything to keep him from using the money she pays him (Which is only 20 % of anything they do) for this family.

Oh, she is there physically there to stop him from handing money over to you?

He would never commit adultery nor would he cheat. He knows better.

How do you know, do you have a camera watching him all day long?

Yet our time consists of 12:00 A.m to 7:00 a.m 7 days a week.

(Turns to the audience)
Haven't you ever wondered about women who go along with bullsh1t like that? What do you think goes through their mind? Do they have a mind?

He has gone on 5 long trips all over u.s with her saying all it is is work related and that he is doing it for the family.

I thought he can't spend any money on your family.

He loves me and my kids with all his heart and soul. And her well she has gone as far as spying on me all the time to calling C.P.S and making so many reports they are trying to take my kids away.

Perhaps they should.

I try to believe him but I am married to a stranger and i am very confused all the time.

Well don't be. A man can't be married to two women at the same time, so you're not married. Simple.

Please let me know your opinion. I really do love him, but if this is impossible to win then I have to go to counseling and try to end it. Don't want to.

Who told you to leave him? Keep your bloodsucker. Have a few kids with him. I hope you have a good job though.

Love And The Flakey Woman

2005-08-14T11:37:00.000+02:00

I am with a man now, have been only for about 3 weeks. I know I shouldn't have jumped into it after an ended 2 year relationship, but sometimes you do it even though you know.

Yes, tell me about it. The fools led by their emotions today are the advice-asking whiners of tomorrow.

I've been burned so many times in the past, that I have developed weird reactions to certain things.

You have a whole bunch of baggage and instead of dealing with it like an adult you...

I haven't been able to quell these actions, but I have figured out what triggers them, so I let him know that.

... expect from other to "respect your hurty places".

And he was fine and understood and just lately he's been slipping with it. And now I don't know what to do.

What? He isn't always catering to your numerous emotional needs...Tsk, tsk, ditch the b@stard, he just doesn't deserve a high-maintenance chick like you...

I can already tell things aren't going to work out. The last time I felt that, it took a year before things ended; I can't bear hurting feelings.

No, you're too much of a wimp.

If that's not confusing enough just two days ago, a good friend of mine who up and disappeared two years ago showed up in my driveway. We were wonderful friends, real close, but he never noticed I really liked him the whole time. I gave up on it, had to for mental stability.

A normal alternative like asking the guy out to a movie and taking it up from there never occurs to wacky broads.

Well, now that he is back he says he wants to start a relationship with me and he could think of no one else he wants to be with and all this other extremely sweet things.

I'm sure that hugely appeals to the part of you, that's constantly looking for the perfect situation that will make her feel good forever.

I've never had anyone say anything like that to me, or chase me down for that. My relationships are usually with people I've known for much less than a year. Never with real close friends.

Of course not. The ones who know you well, know better than to get involved.

I don't know what to do!

Just don't do anything healthy like getting therapy or something like that.

He says I should break up with my current boyfriend because he can see how he makes me feel.

He probably hasn't gotten laid in months, remembered that you had the hots for him in the past and that all you'd need would a little sweet-talking for you to put out a few, before he'd "disappear" again.

What should I do?

What you've always done. Anything but dealing with the common denominator of your unhappiness.

Sex And The Cold Fish

2005-08-12T10:10:00.000+02:00

I don't know where to begin. I have never, ever, been interested in sex...

Being catholic can do that to a girl.

I've often wondered if I should have ever married. I don't know if I am in love with him... or have every been.

Women like you are often more in love with the idea of being married, than the person they're marrying.

Even after 10 years together, I still don't know. I feel like I am with him just for the kids, he is a good father...but he has ignited nothing but hatred in me.... it all stems in the bedroom that I feel like I am 'obligated' to him... like that is my job...and it makes me hate it and him.

You hate your husband because he has normal sex needs? Maybe you should hate yourself instead, for making vows to a man, knowing you did not mean them.

Before getting pregnant, I would oblige, about once a ~~week~~ (month), sometimes longer... and that got us through,

You mean it got you through.

but with being pregnant and chasing around a potty training 3 year old... by 7pm I have not an ounce of energy left...

That is a reality for many women, but coming from you it just sounds like the excuse it is.

and I fear going to bed, because I know the dreaded question...."can we do it, or can you do somthing", such a romantic line, ya know...

The average man is only as good in bed as the woman who trains him.

most nights I'm beat, have heartburn and just dont' want to... because other than bring home a paycheck (and not even a good one at that), what has he done for me...

For your information, if he has regular work and his paycheck is enough for you to stay at home, you have more than millions of women in this world have right now.

I live my life vicariously through my favorite televsion shows and he gets angry that I have a few favorties and it cuts into 'his time'... but I need to unwind too... after 16 straight hours of noggin, nick jr. and disney channel...

That's what tires you out? Letting your kid watch TV 16 hours a day?

I need my salvation....

Where is my knight on his white horse? Where is my promised millionaire with his private jet? Why hasn't he come me? Waaaah.

Other than that I don't have a 'real life'.

I'm stuck being a housewife to this pig who wants icky, dippy sex.

Usually I will just give into his 3 year old temper tantrums at 11pm... that he stomps around like a baby, assure him it will get better... and just do it.

You're such a saint... NOT.

Last night, I couldn't, I was so tired....and I don't want to have sex with him...my bones are killing me anyway, (how old are you anyway, you sound 70 if you were a day.) but he dosen't care...... so he went on with his temper tantrum and proceeded to throw the alarm clock accross the room at the tv...

He had at least 6 years time to divorce your frigid a$$ with out any serious consequences. He deserves all the blue balls he can get.

I don't want to live like this...he is not violent.

10 years of in an out of the dog house is bound to make the sanest guy neurotic.

I would never say to him I want a divorce...

No, you "good girls" never do...

because he says that and thats his easy way to scare me... but I'm not scared ...

Why should you be? You'll get the kids, the paycheck and he'll get the blame.

I just don't care... I care about my kids and myself.

Truer words were never spoken...

My problem is I just can't pretend.

There were other alternatives to pretending, but you choose to ignore them.

We can't afford counceling...so that isn't even an option.

Just keep cranking out kids from a man you can't stand sweety.

How To Be An Evil Stepmom

2005-08-10T13:57:00.000+02:00

I have been married 5 years. My husband is the custodial parent of a 7 and 8 year old with little to no help from their mom. I am 7 months pregnant and we also have a 15 month old.

You poor thing, didn't your mommy teach you anything about birth-control?

I have told DH that our lives would be so much easier if his kids did not exist. I told him this before and after we got married.

To marry a man, whose kids you don't want, is the height of stupidity. What did you think was going to happen, that the kids would disappear as soon as you said your vows? I'm surprised you had enough brain cells to sign you name at the register.

The fact that he still went ahead and married you after what you told him, speaks volumes about his intelligence as well.

Stupidity breeds eternal.

I told him I do not like the fact that he has kids, that I want him to compensate me with the $130/mo that he was supposed to get for child support (he has never gotten a dime) so that I could save the money for my kids when they got older, and that his kids drive me crazy.

You want to confiscate his childrens child-support for your own?

His kids told him a month ago that they felt like I did not like them because I said that I do not like being around them because they do not do what they are told to do. He and his kids took that to mean that I do not like them.

It took them 5 years to figure that out?! That was fast for a family of imbeciles.

And he has been upset since then. He says that I treat my baby differently than his kids and yes I do, but I am never mean to his kids. (ie. I scream at them a lot and beat them with a slick stick 3 times a day but would never let them starve or anything.)

Ever since, he has been drinking everyday (has never drank the entire time we have been together), coming home at 3,4,5 am.

Reality finally has reached his brain...

I told him that he had to get somewhere else to live if that is what he wanted to do so he left!

Why are you so shocked? Didn't you mean your sorry little ultimatum?

He says that he is depressed and hurt that he has been foolish enough to stay with me all this time knowing how I felt.

Did he at least take his kids with him? I would shudder to think that they are still with the woman who hates their guts.

I feel the same way, I married him when I was 23. I have had to stop living for myself and help him care for his kids. I will never be able to get back my 20's.

Who's fault is that you petty twat?

Now I have kids of my own that I am reposnsible for.

And he's solely at fault again...how exactly? Last time I checked you didn't need a husband to take the Pill or to get your tubes tied.

And let's not forget that he has left me home alone big and pregnant to run behind a toddler.

Keep your whine. You made your bed, now lie in it.

He will not talk to me, but has told everyone in his family that I made him leave home (not why).

Be glad. It would make you look really sh1tty.

I have been so upset with him that I am fine with him not talking to me. This has gone on now for about 2 weeks and it is driving me crazy.

Get a spine and call a lawyer. It was over before it even started anyway.

I do not want something to happen to my child and have expressed this to him because I am having difficulty force feeding myself, not to mention the stress that he has put me under is causing me to cry way too much.

You have brought all of this unhappiness onto your own self.

I am willing to do anything for him.

No, you aren't.

I have tried changing the way that I think about his kids but that gives me more anger and resentment for them.

Then you should have left this man alone. But that's what happens when you have more sh1t than brains.

We have been to counseling, me alone and together, and he refuses to go back to couseling.

He knows there is no use talking with you.

Wait Until Marriage

2005-08-09T16:52:00.000+02:00

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, very seriously, and we plan on getting married probably Spring 2006. We are both 21 and seniors in college.

What's the big hurry? Your brains haven't even finished growing yet, barely any life-experience to speak of, and you already think you've found Mr. Right?

Anyways, when we started seeing each other, we decided to make a pact that we would wait to have intercourse until we are married, since he is a virgin and has always believed that you should wait. (I think the whole buying the cow, thing...)

You want to marry a guy whom you don't even know if share any sexual compatibility?

When you write back 2 years later, and tell me how tiny his wiener is or how frustrated you are because he only wants to have sex once every blue moon while wearing 10 in. heels and a tutu, I'm going to laugh my a$$ off.

I was fine with this at first, since I only had one sexual partner before, which was one year prior to when my current boyfriend and I got together and it hadn't been very good, but we are moving in together this summer and a year away seems so long to wait.

Starting to get a little desperate for some action, already?

I have suggested new things for us to try, but its still not enough.

Tell your hypocritical boyfriend that oral sex is sex, so you might as well finish it off and find out if his package is up to the forever-after-deal.

How can I wait till my wedding night? Any suggestions??

Buy a vibrator. Make sure it's a good one. You're going to need it for a loooong time.

The Accidental Other Woman

2005-08-08T13:40:00.002+02:00

I met my MM (your m'n'm?) on New Years almost 2 years ago, when he threw a party at his house. Hence, I have also met his wife, who was kind and welcomed me into their homes.

Is that how you repay another woman's generosity, by fucking her husband?

He fell in ~~love~~ (lust) with me as soon as we met. I was smitten by his ~~personality~~ (gorgeous body) and hung out ~~occasionally~~ (5 times a week). I was totally oblivious to the ~~love~~ (lust) he felt for me. (ie. I knew he had the hots for me and I cock-teased him in every imaginable way.)

About two weeks ago, he dropped in for a business trip and we got ourselves really drunk. Somewhere in the midst of our alcohol induced babbling, we started making out. I don’t really know how it happened but it did.

The alcohol made us do it! (Not it didn't.)

He left the next day and we kept in touch via emails from our mobile. He called me every day. I was falling in love but was also determined to hold tight to my morals.

What morals?

Coming from a broken family (parents separated when I was four), I know all about the stigma attached to a woman who breaks up someone’s marriage and the immense amount of pain the children will go through.

So I promised myself that when I would grow up, I'd go and break another woman's home so that I can get back at the world.

One week after he left, he returned to visit me for four days. One the first night, we went out and got really drunk. (Again?) I ended up at his place, feeling terribly sick. I stripped down in the bathroom and proceeded to vomit into the toilet till I was near unconscious. (So when are you going to do something about your drinking problem?) He got worried about me and barged into the bathroom, threw me into the shower and got me clean. After that we both passed out on different beds.

Ugh.

Somehow in the middle of the night, we ended up in the same bed and ~~made passionate love~~ (fucked like the dawgs we are.) The next few days were wonderland for the both of us. We were in our own little world. We were in denial, he was reckless.

Lust has that effect on people.

I wrote a letter to him after he left. I wanted him to try and work out his marital problems. I told him that if he chose to get a divorce, it cannot be because of me.

You just wrote that letter to ease your conscience.

There are his three young children to consider, my family, cultural divide (he’s English, I’m Chinese), age gap (he’s 37, I’m 25), etc. An affair is just the wrong way to start a relationship; it would lead to problems in the future. I wouldn’t be able to live with the scrutiny from the people around us, and worst of all, hatred from his children.

Oh please, do you have any idea how hypocritical you sound from here? If you really thought that adultery was wrong, you would have never, ever been part of it, or given yourself an excuse to be part of it.

But it was not to be. 3 days after he left, his wife goes through his phone and sees our conversations. All hell breaks loose. She even throws up. (Can you blame her?)

She finds out it’s me and she said that she knew he liked me the day we met. (A woman should always listen to her intuition.)

I am overwhelmed with guilt, shame, confusion, frustration, helplessness, anger, self hate, worry, fear. I want to curl up and die. I want to dig a hole, bury myself in it and disappear from this world forever. I am also angry at him for not being more careful with the messages. I did ask him specifically to delete my mails as soon as he reads them.

You certainly didn't feel any shame when you uncrossed your legs for him (not just once either) and come on, admit it, you don't truly regret what you've done at all, you're just ashamed because your dirty deed came out in the open.

His wife is leaving him with the kids today (back to the in-laws) so that he can think things through. He told me to forget them. He wants me to tell him if this relationship is something I want to continue. I can’t forget his situation because it is going to affect us!

All I wanted was to get drunk and fuck a little, I didn't intend to become stepmom to 3 little brats!

I am in love with him but I don’t want to be the one to break up his marriage. I think he owes it to his wife to try to work things out. I did tell him that. I told him the only way to save his marriage is to stop seeing me.

I made feeble attempts to keep him away, but I secretly hope he won't listen to me.

He loves me, he loves my boob job, he loves my messed up mind, and he doesn’t mind my bulimia.

You're right, he does love your boob job and I'm sure you're an addictive ego-booster. But he doesn't care about your fucked up personality one bit, trust me.

I love him and I do want to continue, but I don't want to break up his marriage! Things just spiraled out of control in such a short time. I can’t breathe. My conscience is suffocating me. What can I do what should I do? What should I tell him? How can I not lose him? How can I live with myself?

Easy, send him back to the wife. After a little while you will get weak and you'll start the drunken hook-ups again. With a little luck she'll catch him and this time instead of going away to let him "think it over" she'll take him to the cleaners and fed-ex his sorry remains to you. Then you can play act own sick little version of Woody Allen and Soon-Yi for ever after.

There is another alternative of course, but you don't have the decency or the courage for it.

How To Mindfuck Yourself

2005-08-06T22:45:00.000+02:00

i dated a guy for five months. we are both the same age (32) ....physically

i noticed he really never wanted to talk about the past.

Or about those innocent-looking skeletons lurking in his closet.

he was set to think of the future; which i liked. he was doing well with his job and had just bought a condo.

Job+Condo = he must be marriage-minded.

i am my career as a teacher, but was going to film school at the time we started daing.
we were busy, but we made time for eachother.

Like any two people who have the hots for each other.

suddenly he began to get jealous, not trust me and question me.

And you realized that he was a psycho and gave him the slip.

i dropped out of film school and tried to prove to him that i would make time for us and think about a future together.

Huh? What did you get all that education for, if you were just going to abandon it for the first idiot who throws a hissy fit? Why even go to college, for that matter. You could have saved the money and bought some curtains for his condo.

he liked that. i became his buffer. he would complain about his job, his roommate. (what, no condo?) but he would never give me the time of day.

Of course not. You don't make time for your doormat.

i was confused.

You gave to get. You never communicated your expectations. Then realized that it doesn't work and you were simply confused?

we began having sex and i began doing little things for him. i then began questioning his love for me.

so i picked out this random dude and within record time i started making radical changes for him, so that he'll love me and be good to me forever. only i didn't tell him that. he was going to know by my huge sacrifices for him. but something went wrong....

he was never supportive and he would yell at me if i couldn't accept his busy schedule. he would make me feel bad about my body, then he said that he wanted me and only me.
i felt every time he did not want to deal with anything, we were breaking up. sometimes i felt he never wanted a girlfriend. at times i feel he manipulated me to think he wanted to be with me so he could have sex with me at his convenience.

the relationship was horrible but he said he really wanted to work things out.

I never cease to be amazed, how receptive certain broads are to mindfucking.

i had trouble trusting him, but i really loved him because things were so different at the beginning.

you see, if i only would wait long enough, that wonderful person he pretended to be in the beginning would come back.

he would just text message me. he never would talk to me. always text messages,

like"when you coming ho?" or "where are ya biatch?"

anyway, i was starting to run out of options to keep him so...

i decided to have anal sex;

i decided to give my a$$hole away and shit through my mouth.

which i was still skeptical. after that he only responded to me if i talked about sex. it was upsetting, but i wanted to have faith.

Excuse me there for a moment, while we're in the confessional mode: some guy from the newsroom heard me read your letter to the chicks from the fashion page and asked for your name, said something about wanting to meet you. I really didn't want to, but I owed favors. I'm sure you understand, eh?

he would call to check up on me, but we never did anything. never went out on dates. he would say he would make it up to me. i wanted to believe him. every time.

You poor Good Girl you. [pat, pat]

two weeks after we had anal sex, he said he felt guilty. he finally was telling me the truth about everything. how he could not make a committment and that he really didn't know what he wanted.

That's rather unusual for a mindfucker. He must have been feeling really cornered.

i screamed and told him all my anger about the entire relationship and that he would be just like his father, cheating on his wife. i told him all the horrible things i had thought and how strong i was to deal with his crap.

You weren't strong, you were stupid, and now you're blaming it on him so that you can feel better about yourself.

i told him it was crappy and that he will never know what a beautiful woman i am and how he took advantage of me.

He didn't take anything you didn't offer.

he felt guilty and then text messaged me that i will always be in his heart.

Translation: the nekkid pictures I did with my cell are making the rounds as we speak.

i hate this man. it's been two months now and my level of hating him has decreased, but i am in pain. i feel ashamed and bitter.

And as long as you're unwilling to see your role in this boring little affair, you'll continue to feel ashamed and bitter.

i've always had problems with men and now i don't think i can ever trust a man.

How can you, when you can't even trust yourself.

4th Date's The Charm

2005-08-05T23:17:00.000+02:00

To make a long story short, I met a guy through the internet. We talked on the phone twice before meeting last Thursday. Things went great and he called me on the Friday then on the Sunday. We met again on Monday, he called Tuesday and we met again this Wednesday.

So you had the magic 3 dates after which many guys these days expect the girl to put out. (Guess who's responsible for this sorry state of affairs.)

He insisted on coming to my place and promised we would not do anything.

You fell for that? A guy you barely know, who insists on coming over your place, is rarely interested in your photo-albums.

Well I knew better, but since I trusted him I invited him over anyway.

You can't "trust" a guy you've only met 3 times. You just want to trust him.

We watched fireworks from my balcony and talked. Then when we came back inside he was all over me.

Yup. He kept his promise alright.

Even though I really wanted to wait, we ended up having partial intercourse.

Ugh!

Afterwards, he said he was really tired and so we kissed again and he said that he would call me back the next day. Well he never called.

Then realized that you weren't going to go all the way, and since that was all he was really interested in the first place, he dropped off the face of the earth.

So I am really discouraged. He was my third sexual partner and I seriously never would have done it with him if I felt he was insincere.

Well, you have a long way to go before you start relying on your "feelings". Until then, don't let strangers into your appartment and in your pants.

What should I do if he calls again?

Spare yourself the agony. He won't call.

I feel like I should end this relationship because he did not respect my wishes and he kept pushing me for sex that night.

First: 3 dates do NOT constitute a relationship.

Second: Be glad he gave up and left and didn't beat you/rape you instead.

You have no idea how close you were to becoming another statistic.

On the other hand, we hit off so well. We enjoy doing the same things, he is fun, and he seems to be a good guy.

I can't believe you're still actually considering him. What the f@ck is wrong with you?!

Want To Meet His Kid

2005-08-05T12:51:00.000+02:00

I am currently dating a 26 year old man for a month but we are getting along great, let me mention though that we are already having sex. My problem is that he has not said anything to his 4 year old son about us dating.

Why should he? You have only known each other for a month. In fact it's a relief to read that there are single parents out there, who don't introduce their kids to every Tom, Dick and Harry that crosses their path.

I know that Gavin is only four but it makes me worried that he hasn't told him because he attends a daycare where I am a teacher and see him everyday so I don't know what the big deal would be.

Are you always this short-sighted, or has your insecurity rendered you completely witless?

Should this relationship run its course, you're going to have enough trouble looking each other in the eye, without having a troubled kid in your hands and everybody at work gossiping about it.

The thing that bothers me is that he will invote me over to his apartment on weekends that he has Gavin only after he goes to sleep.

Well stop being in a hurry to play mama. The honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. You'll get to deal with the angry tyke and his jealous mom soon enough.

Do you think he could be holding off on telling Gavin because then his ex girlfriend who he dated for four years would find out and then there would be questions?

You still don't get it.

Why don't you ask the kid's dad? I'm sure he'll be happy to clue you in.

Overtime Or Over Heels?

2005-08-03T13:30:00.001+02:00

Hi there.. I have a very big question... I don't understand why my fiance turn to stay at work longer and longer hours...

[Long suffering sigh]

I can tell already it's going to be one of those no-brainers.

It has been about a month now that he (my fiance) is staying at work for so long.. he usually come home either by 5 or 5.30 to have dinner with me.. lately he did not call to tell me that he will be home late and he is still at work until 7 or 8 pm.

So what was his excuse? I mean, you did ask him "hey, what's the deal with the overtime? "

What? You didn't?

When i picked him up after work as he didn't take the car. He didn't react like before.. before everytime i drop by as a surprise to pick him up from work he will be more than happy .. these days he looks worry and nervous and this morning he told me that if I gonna pick him up again on my way back please call the office first to let him know...

Why? So that you don't accidentally run into him getting a blow-job from the perky-breasted brunette with the tongue-piercing?

(the office number because he lost his mobile phone)

Are you sure he lost it and didn't just, erm, lend it to somebody?

He has been working very hard.. (heh) when he comes home sometime he didn't even want dinner he said that he has already eaten some pizza from work or something like that.. he will be too tired to even talk to me.. (and of course much too tired to screw) he just want to watch tv then go to sleep and get up to go to work..

however, i feel that lately he has been having a very angry feeling toward me with everything i do.. everything i do seems to be wrong for him or not rights... he is very grumpy

If that man was really doing overtime, he'd be angry about his workload, not you.

Like last weekend.. we had a big fight about the wedding planning.. he went to check out few places for our venues with me and on Sunday's evening, he screamed at me that he can't handle it anymore..

And you sat there, head bowed in shame instead of imperiously calling off the wedding (until you get a grip, asshole).

He said that i supposed to do all the wedding things by myself

Why should you? It's not like you're getting married by yourself.

he said that i have been slow and wait for him while he got so much on his hands like work and stuff...

"and stuff"

That's a novel way of putting it.

i was waiting for him to see with me because i thought that we could make a decision together.. I just never see he so angry at me like this so I feel nervous...

Be nervous. Be very nervous.

Anyway, i wonder if he likes someone else at work (Oh my god, I'm blinded! A ray of intuition!) or he just work harder (he is a principle of a school).

Oh oh.

Should i just calm down and act as normal? ...while I spend some of that wedding budget on a detective?

Sure!

By the way this weekend is his Birthday and he needs a break from the city so we are going away for the beach.. should i say anything and if so what should i ask ?

I wouldn't but, if you really must, say:

"You've been acting like a total dickwad lately, and if you don't want me to pawn off the engagement ring for a week in Las Vegas/new appartment/whatever, you better start talking. Be very convincing."

Cart Before The Horse

2005-08-02T20:14:00.000+02:00

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and we were just blessed with a baby boy 6 months ago. Although I am the only one in my relationship who considers it to be a blessing.

Yes I admit that I lied to him in the beginning of my pregnancy. I told him that I was not going to keep the baby and that I would go take care of it before school started in August, but I didn't.
I didn't tell him the truth because I was pregnant the year before and had a miscarriage. When I told him I was preg. the first time he became distant. Not talking to me or anything.

There is no shame in getting knocked-up accidently and deciding to keep it, fully knowing that you´ll probably have to raise this child alone. But getting pregnant twice in twelve months means that at least one of you is either plain ol' sloppy with birth-control or completely out of touch with reality.

He never asked about it until after we returned to school and by that time I was afraid to tell him that I didn't.

You knew damn well by his reaction to the first pregnancy, that this guy didn't want a child at this point of his life and that another pregnancy would mean the end of your relationship.

Instead I went along with trying to get rid of the baby on my own (WTF?!) and decided I would tell him when it was over. Eventually I broke down and told him and we tried some abortion clinics but I was already too far along so that was no longer an option. We were having a baby and it was nothing we could have done about it.

You really believe that crappy story you're dishing to us.

Snap out of denial honey.

You wanted to keep the baby, (probably out of residual emotional baggage due to the miscarriage), and you wanted to keep the man too, so you did what many before you have done, procrastinate until it was too late for an abortion and hoped that once the baby was a certainity he'd "come around".

The nine months I was pregnant was HELL!!! He practically hated me. We got through it all and our son was born but it ruined our relationship. He feels like HE PUT ALL HIS TRUST in me and I BETRAYED HIM.

CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR FEELING THIS WAY?

Though that is not the case.

Isn't it now?

We are still together but things are not the same. I am mostly concerned about my son. Since the day he was born he has only came to visit twice. (We live in diff. states.) When we talk on the phone if he doesn't hear the baby, he won't ask about him. I mean he asks about him most of the time but he never calls and says how is my son everyday the way a father should.

That man never wanted to be a father. You forced him to become one and now you complain that he's not up to the task?

He takes great care of our son financially but that is not what makes a father.

Be thankful. Another lesser man would have left you to fend for yourself.

I am afraid that we will drift apart. And my son will be left to be an outside child. I know things happen for a reason, I believe in that but this is not a life I want for my child. I want him to grow in a loving household with both of his parents.

Newsflash: You already have drifted apart. Your son IS an "outside child". He might grow up with two parents, but it will be with another man.

He deserves that. I didn't have that and I know how it feels.

If this was really important to you, you would have given him up for adoption, instead of trying to make the wrong shoe fit.

My boyfriend has his own apartment that his parents pay for. His dad is a Doctor. So his only job is to go to medical school.

FYI, going to medical school is like having two jobs.

When I told him that I was planning on going to nursing school where he lives and get family housing he told me that I shouldn't expect us to be hanging out because if he does he will fail in school.

Which is understandable but he didn't even sound excited or say hey that's a good idea my son will be closer and I will be able to see him more. He says that he doesn't want to get married right now because he cannot provide for a family yet.

The guy is practically screaming that it's over.

But I feel like why can't we be there for each other struggle together work together as a team until we get to where we need to be.

You really don't get it, do you. A baby does not a relationship make. Especially a relationship that was never serious in the first place. (Hello? You didn't even live in the same state!)

How do I make it through this? How do I even begin to pick up the pieces and what about our son?

First, accept the facts.

1. You are a single mother now.

2. Your boyfriend doesn't want you or the baby.

Only then you'll stop trying to get him to "do the right thing" and be able to move on.

I cannot force him to be a father. I cannot make him want to be with his son.

But you would if you could.

I just don't want my son to end up being the one to suffer and hurt in the end.

He'll be just fine, unless you keep up the pity party for the next 18 years, and/or go out and desperately start hunting for replacement daddies.

Will He Ever Leave Her?

2005-08-01T12:33:00.001+02:00

20 years ago I dated a man that was 14 years older than I. We loved each other very much and he did ask me to marry him. I said "no" at that time because of my parents. I was only 21 then and foolish enough to listen to my parents and not smart enough to listen to my heart.

Your parents did you a huge favor... what a shame you never matured enough to realized it.

He and I went on with our lives, married other individuals (yes, for all the wrong reasons).

Hindsight is always 20/20.

I've been married for 13 years and have an 11 year old child. He's been married for 18 years and has no children. About 1 year ago we ran into each other and everything came flooding back.

I was in a very unhappy marriage, hadn't had love/affection/sex in our marriage for over 5 years and we were staying together for the sake of our child.

That means, for at least 7 years, you did have a happy marriage and in time, like most marriages, you just got stuck in a rut and instead on working on the marriage you...endured. How noble of you (not)!

Bill was also in an unhappy marriage and had they had been living in separate bedrooms for over 6 years and had not had a sexual realationship with his wife for all of that time.

It doesn't take a genius to see where this is heading.

Unfortunately once we ran into each other again, the pull was so strong that we just fell back into each other's arms.

I doubt that there was any electrical magnetism at work, but I'm sure there was plenty of the animal kind, combined with the fact that both of you hadn't screwed properly for quite a while and a strong sence of "entitlement".

We were seeing each other on weekends and lying to our spouse which neither one of us was proud of. The guilt was overwhelming for both of us, but it didn't stop us (God forgive us).

This is not a friggin confessional. Stick to the facts.

We decided that it was time to break from our spouses.

Oh no, my dear. You decided.

I did. I am now getting a divorce and actually my spouse, soon to be ex, and I are very friendly and somewhat relieved . . . our son is actually doing okay with it. My ex-husband is actually going to be living with my parents for the time being until he finds a suitable place for himself. He is very close to my family and we all love him very much, (I just don't love him and he me in the husband/wife sort of way).

So you mistook lust for love and you ditched a marriage that could have been saved with good councelling and some real effort from both sides for...

Now for Bill:

He told his wife in the beginning of January that he did not love her and wanted a divorce. She took it very hard. She called me on my cellphone because he told her about me and she told me in no uncertain terms that he was staying with her. Then she made him get on the phone and say "yeah" - that was all she "allowed him" and then took the phone away.

Now there's a woman with some balls. But if she was really clever, she'd let you have his sorry old ass to wash and to wipe for the rest of his dotage.

She said I won't let you take him away from me, we've been married for 18 years. She was not crying (although I was), she was very much in control. I did not hear from him at all.

Not only because he's a coward. You see, he never forgot what this was all about; having a good time and lots of sex. And once you started making noises about getting serious, he either:

a) just went back to his wife, told her "Forgive me honey! The Jezebel made me do it!" and begged her to keep him away from your claws.

b) made a half-assed attempt to ask for a divorce and, once she reminded him what exactly he would be losing as a result, he paddled back as fast as his varicose-veined feet would let him.

When he spoke with me he said "I just can't hurt her, she has no one", and you're so beautiful and have so many friends and family, how can we be together when I know I'll be killing her? (What a bunch of crap!) He's also afraid he'll be left financially ruined. (Heh, that's more like it!)

I basically told him "I love you, I always have and I always will, just do whatever you have to do". (Tsk, tsk. I can just hear the tremulous voice, see the unshed tears in your eyes, feel the wind your cape makes, as you swirl around and rush to the door.)

I have not heard or seen from him since.

My questions are:

[snip about 15 questions, all variations of the same theme: Will he ever leave her?]

I'm not just going to disappear and make it easy for him . . .

Don't be a silly twit. All you'll do is get the law involved, and you really don't want that.

I'm really hurting like I've never before . . .

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Wait until you get back into the dating scene.

What To Do With K-Fed Clone

2005-07-30T09:04:00.001+02:00

He's 29. Him and I have a son together. When i broke it off with him for cheating on me, he moved in with the "ow." (Cow? Sow?)

It lasted about 8 months, he got her pregnant with twins, left her when she was about 4 months along and is now seeing a 20yr old.

Don´t put away the baby clothes yet.

He has also cheated on the 20yr old with me. Im not proud of that as i allowed him to "have his cake and eat it too"...

....and because it showed him that you are weak and desperate.

I have now however, taken a stand. Put my foot down and set specific boundaries between us, no more sleeping together, im working on "no contact" at all.

If that´s just a ploy to get him back, you can stop. It won´t work.

I still had deep down inside hoped he would "wake up" realize how good things were with me, we were building a family or so I thought.

Oh. I didn´t realize you were married...

He claims he still loves me but is too confused and his life is just turned upside down now. He even lost his job.

But...but...but...being a serial impregnator is a full-time job!

All this new girl does is giggle. It makes me sick. Maybe she does it on purpose but when him and I talk and she's there I can always hear her in the background giggling about something. She seems so childish.

Do I detect a pattern in his choice of women?

Im find myself wondering what does he see in her?

A breeding mare?

She calls him 4-5 times especially when he's visiting the baby at my house, (i have since cut that out too).

The visitations or the calls?

When we were together I found an email he sent to the "ow" (cow? sow?) saying he cant get away to see her b/c I watch him like a hawk! It's funny b/c this 20yr old seems to keep even worse tabs on him then I did.

And just as unsuccessfully.

One day he was dropping the baby off from his visit and he had to go back to the store to get pampers (which, let me guess, you paid for) and he came up to drop them off, she was calling him complaining saying what's taking so long. So maybe the grass isnt always greener on the other side.

Still hoping he´s going to "wake up and come back to you". Why should he? There are simply too many women out there just as eager to do his bidding.

We are still attracted to each other and seem to have this closeness/bond that I just cant handle anymore b/c I dont want [to be] his leftovers.

Unfortunately, you don´t want it bad enough.

So im wondering will it always be about him?

That´s for you to decide.

Since I'm the mother of his son he feels it's his right to be able to sleep with me always?

Hon, unless he´s raping you, it´s you who uncrosses your legs for him.

Why wont he change his ways?

Because he doesn´t want to?

I saw such a bright future for us.

And it was soooo bright that I forgot the birth-control.

I coldnt be with him the way he is now.

Why are you still here then?

He keeps saying who knows what will happen, it just isnt right for us right now etc.

That´s "back burner" talk.

You want him back? Really want him back?

Call him up. Say you want him back. Say you´re willing to do anything for him. He doesn´t even have to go to work, you´ll do that. Tell him he can fuck around with anybody he wants, any time he wants, as long as he comes home to you in the morning.

Boyfriend Brags With Money

2005-07-29T12:48:00.000+02:00

This isn't anything major, just a little gripe I'm having and wanted to air it to you and get some perspective. My bf and I have been together a year, and living together for the last six months. He's 9 years older than I and has been married once before. Since we met and fell in love, my life has felt totally blessed. [snip a long paragraph of nauseating tripe]
In other words, our relationship is absolutely perfect!

But?

Just one little gripe:

Nothing personal, but I get a little tense when I read this. Usually it turns out to be a gripe the size of Texas.

Sometimes it'll come out through conversation things from his past. Like, "oh so-and-so and i went on this fab vacation to Hawaii together", or we'll be passing by an upscale boutique in NYC and he'll casually mention he bought an ex a pocketbook from that store. Or one time I was looking at a magazine and an ad for expensive watches was on the page, and he said how he once bought an ex a watch like that. I love to cook and bake, and one time he mentioned on how he and an ex used to go to fabulous plays and restaurants in NYC.

Ok. So either he´s insecure, or he never learned that it´s extremely bad manners to talk about all the great stuff you´ve done for your exes.

Just tell him:

"Thanks for sharing, but that´s too much information for this current girlfriend."

or my personal favorite:

"Tell that sh1t to someone who gives a f@ck, a$$hole!"

Now I DO NOT want to sound like a materialistic little golddigger. (Huh?) I have a fantastic job and a great career and can take care of myself, and I have everything I could possibly need and want (except good weather, it's cold and cloudy) and I DO NOT need a man to buy me things.

So what´s the problem?

But I feel a little left out because he has bought his exes these fabulous presents and taken them on exotic vacations and dined in amazing restaurants, and well, he hasn't done that with me.

Like most women you´ve quickly deduced:

Guy spending money on a woman = TRUE LOVE =>

=>Why isn´t he doing that for me?

It's not that I feel I'm not good enough, but I feel a little short-changed.

Come on. Admit it.

All this talk (which could be just that, talk) is making you feel like you´re not good enough.

There's no real way I can explain my feelings, but I do feel left out. I've had the wonderful privilege of having traveled and eaten at fine restaurants as well, but never with a boyfriend.

And the funny part about it is, you probably wouldn´t missed it either, if he hadn´t opened his big mouth.

So at the risk of sounding petty, how can I explain my feelings?

You don´t. For whatever reasons, you never prioritized having a guy who wines and dines you. That´s quite fine. Now you have a bee in your bonnet about it. That´s not his problem.

I tried to let him know how I was feeling, but he got annoyed and said I was making him feel bad. He also said I should be focusing on the more important things (which I totally agree with) and not the petty ones.

Well, tell him.

"I would have never gotten these ideas if you wouldn´t talk all the time, about all the money you´ve spent on previous pu$$y."

Then if he´s really that great, he´ll get the message and keep his mouth shut in the future. As for you, get over it.

Drunken Hook-Up Does Not Relationship Make

2005-07-28T08:42:00.000+02:00

For about 5 months now I've been flirting on and off with a friend. We have had long "deep" conversations and we really seem to enjoy each others company. But nothing ever really happened.

He likes you, but doesn´t LIKE like you.

One time a couple of months ago we were enjoying an evening together and had some wine. Apparently, some of our other friends thought we needed to stop for the night as we were getting a little too close and took us home.

WTF?

If you´re both adult and single, you need to ditch these overpatronizing "friends". A drunken hook-up might not be the cleverest thing to do, but that should be up to you to decide.

We talked on the phone that night though for a couple of hours, had a good conversation and I confessed that I was attracted to him.

If you were after a relationship, skipping the "confessions" and inviting him to a proper date would have been a better idea.

After that night things continued as they were before, he didn't act on the information at all, other than some more flirting.

Weeks went on like this then the big night happened. Once again we were enjoying some wine, but this time we ended up alone somehow. Without normal inhibitions in place, we started fooling around and ended up sleeping together.

You woudn´t believe how common this situation is:

* Girl is hot about boy and is hoping for something serious.
* Boy is hot about the girl but doesn´t want a relationship.
* Things heat up and girl confesses to boy that she´s hot about him.
* Boy doesn´t respond with "Oh, me too, lets date and see what happens", but continues pu$$y-teasing.
* Girl goes along with it, even though she has no idea what´s going on, because she´s doesn´t want to scare him off.
* Boy thinks "Hmmm, she doesn´t seem averse to some no-strings nooky either."
* They end-up hooking up for one drunken night, which may or may not result to a friends with benefits situation.

I don't remember everything that happened that night and either does he.

Do you guys drink this much often?

We've talked about it a couple of times, but never actually discussed the specifics of the night. I really want to know what he thinks about it, but I'm so hesitant to ask. I mean if he wanted it to happen again wouldn't he bring it up? Or is he too concerned about how uneasy I may feel about it?

You´re getting it all wrong. According to him, there is nothing to talk about. He didn´t want a relationship before, and still doesn´t want a relationship now. But I´m sure, if you told him "Hey, want to come over for a movie?" he would. Just skip the booze this time.

To make matters even more complicated, he is quite a bit older than me (25, 45)

Ugh. No, not again!

so I don't know if that plays into it at all.

Yes, it does. But not the way you think.

Husband Is A Liar

2005-07-27T10:43:00.000+02:00

My husband is a liar and I don't get it...

No, obviously not.

One recent situation was our taxes. Last year Husband complained all the time that he couldn't spend time with Daughter or help around the house because he was working late....well taxes came in, I added up the figures and not only did he NOT work late for the whole year but there were times he took days off w/o pay.

You might want to check credit card and phone bills as well...

Next was yesterday. I had radiation treatment and needed him to watch after Daughter. He calls at 5:30pm to say he'd just left work. After the tax situation I wasn't buying it so I called his work and they said he had left an hour prior to when he told me he had actually left.

"Honey I just left work" = I just left the slut I´ve been boinking.

He doesn't awnser my questions, says I'm nagging and why do I have to know every detail. (umm, last I checked I was only asking what took him so long to get home)

A man with clear conscience wouldn´t talk like that.

Come to find out he spends lunch twice a week with a buddy (girl?) friend of his and goes out for drinks after work...

...with a hot, large-busted blond.

Funny part to that was, he said he was taking those days to spend extra time with Daughter...

I´m terrified to know how old your daughter is, and how she spends all that time alone while her father is out carousing with other women.

He says to me the other day that we got along better when we didn't try to get along....What the heck does that mean?

We only get along, when you don´t ask any uncomfortable questions, or place any demands on me.

And who on earth doesn't try to get along with the people around them?

Someone who´s a selfish a$$hole?

How To Fuck Up Your Girlfriend

2005-07-26T16:01:00.000+02:00

I´ve written previously about my live-in boyfriend who emotionally abuses me.

And now you´re writing to tell me that you´ve dumped him and moved on. Well good for you!

I've tried to leave him,

Whatever your reasons are, they better be good.

but he always twists everything around and turns it into my fault.

And you believe him?

For example, last night we were watching TV. Well, he made a comment about how I need to start doing sit-ups again for my abs, b/c apparently they aren't good enough for him (which, by the way, he comments on frequently.) He constantly shows me pictures of what I should look like (I am 5'1" and 105 pounds.)

How about him? Are his abs, butt and the length of his prick good enough for you?

Anyway, after he said that last night, my response was "Why do you always make comments about how imperfect you think my body is". I asked this question calmly, without an attitude and without any raised tone to my voice.

He´s got you well-trained, I see.

Then he starts to raise his voice and says "you always make stuff up. The lies have got to stop" and blah blah blah. He went on and on about how I make everything up. I can honestly tell you all that I would never make this stuff up.

Mindf@king Rule # 1:

If she has a valid complaint, tell her that she´s making it up.

I have been absolutely miserable. I just want a happy, loving, caring relationship.

What on earth makes you think you´ll have it with him?

I've told him that and his response is "I'm the only who tries to save this relationship, I'm the only one who is affectionate".

Mindfucking Rule #2:

If she still complains about the way you treat her, remind her how much you love her and how commited you are to the relationship. Don´t worry that this crap is completely unfounded. If she´s like most women, she´ll believe you.

He calls me a name or make some horrible comment or tells me to shut the f*** up and then 5 minutes later he insists that he never said any of it.

Mindfucking Rule #3:

Push her around, call her names to keep her already low ego down to size. God forbid, she might get ideas that she´s worth anything and leave you. When she complains use Mindfucking Rule #1.

He tells me that all I want him for is yardwork. Now, I do own my own home which he lives in and never contributes to the mortgage (!) and when I ask him about it or comment that he doesn't pay any rent, he says " well I take you out to dinner 2 times a week and I pay for dinner for YOUR daughter". (!!)

He rarely contributes to monthly expenses and I do not believe that going out to dinner twice a week and him paying for my daughter occassionally even compares to what I spend on mortgage payments and bills. (I´m shocked! A glimmer of intelligence. What a shame it´s just that... a glimmer...)

I ALWAYS offer to pay when we go out, but he pays and when we argue he throws it in my face. About the yard... he's been doing alot of work with it this past week (I believe he is trying to make up for last weeks horrible argument) well, he is now throwing that in my face, saying things like I should be more appreciative and think he's so great for doing common yard work.

Mindfucking Rule #4:

If you´re using your biatch for bed and board, make sure you do tiny chores here and there and pay for triffles. When she complains you can turn around and rub it in, until she´ll actually start feeling bad about complaining in the first place.

I don't act like that when I wash all of his laundry EVERY week or when I buy ALL of the food for the house or when I pay ALL of the mortgage or when I pay 95%of the other bills which should be paid jointly.

Maybe you should.

He has a good job- He is a pyschiatrist. I am a paralegal. He makes more money than me.

Damn, another psychiatrist! What´s up with that profession?

I think his profession is why he is so good at twisting everything around on me and making me feel guilty and making me change my mind about leaving him.

There´s that glimmer of intelligence again. So when are you going to make a bonfire out of it?

I told him last night that I don't deserve to be treated this way and that I am so sad because he is a great guy when he doesn't act like this and I wish he would talk to someone or somehow see what he is doing. His response was "YOU'RE THE QUEEN. NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. YOU'RE THE QUEEN".

Mindfucking Rule #5:

If everything else fails, tell her how demanding and ungrateful she is and how glad she ought to be that she has found a man to put up with her attitude.

The Other Woman At Work

2005-07-26T00:20:00.001+02:00

I know that being with someone who's involved is asking for trouble but, the truth is that I recently left a ten year relationship. I just want to have fun right now and let my hair down, doing whatever I feel like...

And fuck with the consequences and the people you´re hurting in the process.

What happened with this guy is that he's been wooing (chasing) me for the last 4 Months. We work together so we see each other all the time.

Just another bawdy work affair.

It started with him always grabbing my waist everytime I walked by or marking my hand with a marker.

At least he didn´t piss on your foot.

Then he would ask me to accompany him for his cigarette breaks and from that it went to hugs. Presently, we watch movies together, we kiss and had sex a few times.

ie. you´re a couple of dawgs lickin´ a bone.

The problem is that one day he'll be cozy, tickly, kissy with me then other days he'll be cold. He always refers to his girlfriend as his "EX" but she's not..... I just let him be, I don't chase him or call him, I basically live my life and when he comes around he does....

I still can´t see the problem.

It does get confusing at times because he's always text messaging with cute messages.... At the end of every message he always adds xoxoxoxox sometimes in capitals.

And that must mean he must "love" you...how?

I do know from the beginning we both felt serious "chemistry".

So? Since when was pure lust and selfishness a prerequisite for a "happily ever after"?

I would really appricate some advise... Thank you.

Huh? Ok. I´ll guess. You talk like all you want is some fun and sex, but you don´t walk that talk. Or you wouldn´t be asking for advice.

You´re secretly hoping he´ll dump her and commit to you, the most typical and biggest mistake an adultress makes.

Well stop it. This is about hot, sweaty, no-string sex. It always ways. It never, ever leads to a proper relationship.

If you can´t deal with that, drop him, and hope it won´t have too much impact on your job.

He Doesn´t Get Turned On Anymore

2005-07-25T16:00:00.000+02:00

I moved in with my boyfriend of a year. 3 months later, the sex has stopped completely.

Moving in together does this sometimes.

Last night we had a wonderful night together. We cooked dinner, snuggled up to a movie and started fooling around. But he quickly lost his erection once we started having sex! I got fed up and made him tell me why. He told me that he's not turned-on by me anymore.

So what are you writing for? I´m sure you guys broke up civily and now you´re looking for another appartment...

He used to tell me that we would be together forever--but now he says he's not sure because he doesn't think he should have to think about other women for the rest of his life to get aroused!

One could have hoped he´d at least have the balls to make a clean break. What a blockhead.

I'm completely heartbroken! Is this really over?

I can´t believe you´re asking that.

What can I do to save this great relationship, just lack of sex?

If I only had a dollar for everytime somebody wrote that they "have a great relationship but..."

Listen up, if the guy doesn´t get turned on by you anymore, then I don´t care what you think, it´s not a great relationship. Considering what he´s told you and his weeners reactions towards you, I´d say it´s over, you hear me? OVER.

We USED to have sex a lot--4 times a week. He swears up and down there is no one else, and I believe him. I know when he works, and he always comes home right after, I trust him.

You had relationship based on lust. They often die around the one year mark. It´s the time where all the "in-love" hormones start to taper off.

There doesn´t always have to be someone else.

I'm just terrified that I am losing this man and I don't know what to do to get that "spark" back!

Thre is nothing you can do, except start looking for another appartment.

The Case Of The Disappearing Bf

2005-07-24T22:12:00.001+02:00

I had been seeing my bf for a year and half when he disappeared. It had been 8 months and he calls me out of the blue yesterday, expecting all to be fine and dandy!

Please, please tell me that you´re joking...

Before I go into that it starts like this... He had been separated from his wife a long time when we began seeing each other.

Separated, not divorced. Huge difference.

During those 18 months I admit I enjoyed my time with him and was happy. And I was good to him. I fed him, gave him money when he needed it, ran a lot of errands, just to mention few of the many things I did for him.

Honey, are you sure this was a boyfriend and not some stray you picked off the streets somewhere?

Back in November we were to meet for lunch at a local restaurant.I waited and he never showed up. In fact he did not call and cancel our date. I never heard from him again until yesterday.

Didn´t you try to contact him?

Well a week after that incident, I discovered through friends he had moved back in with his wife!

It ain´t over till it´s over.

I felt like a fool, like I was being used and heartbroken.

He didn´t use you. You used yourself, by overgiving with out any clear communication, expectations or boundaries.

I mean, at least he should have called and told me and said, "It's over. I'm going back to my wife." I think it hurt worse when he disappeared without notice. Never called once!

You didn´t actually expect a little common decency did you?

I had to get through the holidays dealing with a broken heart. By the time spring came it seemed I had recovered and started to move on.

No you didn´t.

I'd like to point out since all that time I never dated anyone else--I never felt ready and I did not want a "rebound relationship" with someone--would not be fair.

Everything´s fair if it´s spelled right out in the open beforehand.

When he called yesterday it took me by surprise! Obviusly it didn't work out with his wife--he's left her and moved in with his son. So he is separated from her yet again.

I don´t know what´s worst. The fact that he thought it was ok to call you after this incredible stunt of flakiness or that you took his call!

But...guess what? He never once mentioned he had moved back in with his wife. He said he had been hospitalized a while because of an illness. He said he was "going through" some things." I was confused and angry that he suddenly called me after all this time.

Of course you put him in his place after that. Something appropriate, like "Fuck off and die, you dick!" [Click]

Yet I spoke to him politely.

Ugh.

Well he called again this morning! Now he said he wants to come over to talk things over.
But still no mention of his wife.

Don´t act so shocked honey. You teach people how to treat you and you´ve taught this man that you´re a pushover that just needs a little sweet talking.

So I asked him what made him leave me and not tell me why. He said, "i was just was going through rough times." (yeah,right!) he must think i'm a fool...

I wonder where he got that idea....

He SHOULD know what he did, even if I had not seen him in close to a year.

He knows, trust me. Do you?

Another thing...it is unreasonable to think he could come back to me and he can resume a relationship with me like nothing has never happened!!

If you have to ask...yes.

I must say things are NOT like they were before though I still care for him.

Hello? Hello Mcfly?!

Honestly i can never trust him again after he did what he did. I felt so betrayed.

No. Just outraged and ready to be placated with some sorry excuse.

My questions: Should I confront him about the fact he had moved back in with his wife? Obviously he thinks I don't know about that.

So when are you planning to tell him?

I have learned never to get involved with a married man until he is divorced and I will not repeat that mistake again.

At least. Something.

He says he still loves me. He even asked if I was mad at him! I am, but I didn't tell me that.
What would you do if you were in this situation? What should I say to him? Tell him to take a hike?

How can you even think of asking that you sorry excuse of a female? Take him back in and make him something to eat. He must be starving, that poor dawg.

I am an adult and want to handle this situation like one.

Yes. I can tell all the way from here.

Insecure Sadist

2005-07-24T15:00:00.000+02:00

Ive been in a happy relationship up until about a month ago. At first he was like an answered prayer.

Oh oh...

I thought wow how did i catch this great guy and for the most part he is great, but in the past month it seems like we are getting out of that honeymoon stage or that hes feeling really needy and insecure.

Nothing has changed. He always was needy and insecure and hiding it.

I tell him how I feel about him every day and that love him, I show him affection, we have great sex and have a good time together. However hes always questioning my feelings and sincereity. In the past month we have had 2 major fights both times I end up crying and he gets this reassured look on his face as if ive proved to him that I care and love him because im crying and when I stop crying hes in a great mood and saying what a great relationship we have.

He sounds like a monster reincarnation of Pavlov.

He also will say he wants to marry me and that he loves me but then an hour later or the next day he'll say "i wonder sometimes if certain aspects to our relationship are fake" or " ive been having alot of negative thoughts about our relationship and i dont know why"

And of course that must be somehow your fault...

then i say well maybe we should take a break so you can figure stuff out he says GOD NO ID GO NUTS IF I COULDENT SEE YOU FOR EVEN A FEW DAYS.

This is a restraining order just begging to happen.

So I ask you guys what the hell is his problem???

That he forgot to take his meds?

I´d love to hear what you think and what I should do because this is becoming a pattern i cant take!

Change phone-numbers. Move. Buy a large mastif dog. Get a life, so that you´ll stop being attracted to his type.

But One Can Wait Too Long

2005-07-23T23:36:00.000+02:00

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 years, and have been living together for about 5. When we first got together, everything moved so fast.

Contrary to popular opinion, moving fast does not mean you´ve found Mr. Right.

We were big into the party scene, and are both emotional people, so at times our relationship has been turbulent.

Scenes of plates smashing, tears of jealousy and drunken make-ups flash through my mind...

I feel that I have gotten to a point in the relationship that I am no longer committed. I have been waiting very patiently for a ring to no avail.

Patience is not always a virtue.

He is a former drug addict, and is still very secretive with me.

If he´s still secretive with you, he might be clean, but he´s not in recovery.

There is no trust between us - I usually feel like I can't believe anything that he tells me. This is the root cause of most of our arguments lately. I sometimes think that if we could get past that we would be OK.

After 6 years do you really believe that you can get this man to change? You sound like you could use a few sessions of Co-Dependents Anonymous yourself.

My problem is that I don't have enough money to move out right away. I need to save enough for a security deposit. How should I go about telling him that I am ready to move on?

If you think he´d go along with you staying for a few more months until you can move out, you just tell him, as unemotionally as possible. Just be prepared for the very real possibility of him turning psycho on you and make sure you can crash in by somebody if you have to.

I also am leaving the company that I have been with for 5 years in a little over 2 weeks. Should I wait until I am settled in my new job before attempting to break up? Or is now a good a time as any???

Any time you have another place is a good time. Just don´t wait another 6 years for it.

I am so confused. I really hate men right now :-) Don't we all though??

No we don´t.

Desperate To Marry

2005-07-22T10:30:00.000+02:00

My BF and I have been dating for a little over 6 months now and its been great. I have 2 children, ages 13 and 4 and my BF and we do things together regularly (movies, waterparks, zoos, trips out of town, etc...).

Playing family already?

I'm about to be 31 yrs old in another month, my BF just turned 27, I love him totally and before our relationship, I was single for about 2 yrs.

...and working yourself up to a frenzy, I imagine.

When we met, I really didn't think that our relationship would be so wonderful, but I'm so happy to say that I truly met a 'good' man who is patient and mature enough to accept my children and what goes with that kind of responsibility.

Translation: I can´t believe my lucky stars.

Well, don´t gloat yet. All it says about him at the moment is that he wants to make a good impression. It says nothing about his ability to parent these children.

I'm ready for marriage, I'm ready to commit and settle down and be a complete family, and he knows that.

So if he knows that and is still around it means he must want to marry you.

No. Not really.

Before we hit our 3 month period of dating, I told him that I wanted a committment and if he wasn't ready to do that, to just let me know and we'd go our separate ways.

So you basically said to a guy you barely knew: "Look, you´re nice enough, but I´m looking for a husband. Don´t waste my time if you´re not planning to pop the question."

Hon, that doesn´t sound like a woman who knows what she wants. It sounds desperate.

After a couple of days of our separation, he came over and did the whole "I love you" speech and reassured me that my children complete him.

Sweet, but I don´t hear a promise to marry, only that he was in love* with you and wasn´t ready to give you up yet.

*That´s all it is the first year of dating, you can´t really love a person you don´t know.

But, now its 3 months later, and (we're both in the military) he has to take orders elsewhere in November. I don't know if I should continue dating him, give him an ultimatum or what, I'm soooo impatient, BUT at the same time know what I'm ready for.

Ask him to marry you before he leaves. Who knows, you might get lucky and he´ll say yes.

If he says no, then please, no dramas and no ultimatums, just move on, since marriage is more important to you than the person you´re marrying.

I've never been married and am feeling the pressure of marriage. What should I do?

Try to chill, because an overwelming desire to marry just any man is always a great recipe for disaster.

He Cheated But Says He Loves Me

2005-07-21T13:12:00.001+02:00

I'm stuck. I moved to the midwest from the east because I fell in love with this guy.

Not good.

Never, never move just because you feel in love with "this guy". Always ask your self, would I want to move and live there even if I wasn´t involved with this guy? What are the prospects for work there? Do I know this guy really, really well? Are we committed?

Or is your life, your work, your family and friends of so little importance, that you´re always ready to give them up for the first fool who´ll say he loves you.

This was a year ago. We started dating and things always felt a little uncomfortable. Sex was a little stifled and uneventful a lot and I would try to talk to him about it and he'd act like I was being silly. He kept saying everything was okay and he loved me.

One would think, that if you´d move for a guy, you´d at least move for a guy who´s good in bed...or at least has a lot of money.

Then I started noticing emails in his box when I walked by him from someone I knew to be his ex girlfriend. It drove me crazy and one night I KNEW he wasn't with his friends. I just KNEW he was with her. I kept wrestling with myself, doubting myself. Finally, one day I just looked in his email. Yup. He had been sleeping with her -apparantly having amazing sex judging by the emails - and even did a naked photo shoot with her.

And the reason you´re still with him is?

His automatic, unedited repsonse was that sex was hard with me and it was easy with her.

Well, send him back to her!

He also said he could be getting shallow in his old age. (I lost a great deal of weight so, even though I am a former model, I have some loose skin and slightly droopy, smaller breasts that seem to bother him.)

Old age has nothing to do with it. He´s shallow period.

He tried to lie his way out of it, then it came out that they had had an abortion at the end of their relationship and it had ended so tragically that it was never resolved.

Please tell him to spare you the tragic line. Barf.

He told me that he saw her as the end of something and me as the beginning of something.

Of what exactly? Because it doesn´t look like he´s ready to begin anything, except another relationship with her.

She knew we were dating and she even tried to help me regain his trust by sending a couple emails saying that he doesn't have those feelings for her and she was going to disappear from his life and I was supposed to "watch over him."

What are you, a friggin angel to watch over him?! She sounds like a real piece of work that one! "Ok, I´m finished with him for now, you can have his sorry ass again."

He is treating me a little differently now - being much kinder and more attentive (he had often been distant and insensistive the first time we tried). I also laid it all out - what I want and expect.

You can´t expect all you want...but he can´t give it to you.

He seems to understand and I can see he is trying very hard,

Newsflash: it shouldn´t be so hard!

but I felt like something was up again and snooped in his sent items and saw he had emailed her "take all the time you need, work through what you need to work through and when you are ready I look forward to seeing you again."

Yeah, yeah take your time, baby. Figure out if you´ll have me again, cause I really miss our hot fuck sessions!

I asked him about this and he said they were trying to see if they could be friends.

This is so wrong in so many levels, I don´t even want to get into it.

He says he is totally in love with me (and of course if he says it, it must be true...not!) and he has included me in his family - something he has done with no other girlfriend.

So? He´s still a lying cheating prick.

He also does sweet things like fix my computer and he even did my taxes. Of course, he misses the boat on other ways to show affection.

Hello?! You´re still not getting it. Of course he can´t, because he doesn´t love you, he loves her.

I think he is sincere in his feelings for me, (ha!) but he also seems to have trouble letting go of his lying and cheating ways. He even told me it was hard to change at his age - he's 40 and I'm 32 - but that it was possible.

Yeah.. the right woman, the right situation is going to cure me...and of course you instantly felt up to the task. No darling. No woman or situation can make him a decent man but himself!

I'm having trouble with my daily tasks and am getting really cluttered and unproductive because I obsess over this constantly. Why am I having a hard time letting go of this?

Because a small sane part deep inside you agonizes that you haven´t dumped him yet.

He Badmouths My Mom

2005-07-20T15:44:00.000+02:00

I have been dating a man for a few months now. He is 48 and I am 28.

There we go again.

Everything was going well and we are now at the point where we are serious. I guess I better explain about my background first. I am a 28 year old virgin. My Mom was not some strict crazy parent but she raised me with very high morals and she also raised me to marry before sex. Also, we are VERY close to the point that we are like sisters. She was a little protective of me when growing up but nothing major and and she was not crazy.

Ok. So your upbringing was not exactly the norm, which I imagine must seriously cramp your style with today´s guys. At least you sound fine with it, but what´s with the chip on your shoulder?

Anyway, the guy I'm dating is a doctor. He is trained in many things including psychology.

Those are often the ones you really have to watch out for... They can make excellent mindfockers.

The other day he told me that my Mom and I are co-dependent and that we have an unhealthy relationship because I think everything my Mom says is right. This is not true. I do value my Mom's advice very much but I by no means think she is always right and I do have disagreements with my Mom. He keeps blaming my Mom and talking badly about her past parenting skills.

Ah. That´s where you got the chip about mom.

Even if that were true, and even if your mommy dearest was the quintessential dragon herself, there are other more superior ways of solving this sort of problem, and one would expect a dr. med. psy. would know them.

Constantly bad-mouthing a girls parents and picking on her character is bad manners of the palest sort, bordering on abusive.

I'm very hurt tonight because we were talking and I asked him very casually why he got divorce from his ex wife. I was very shocked when he said that it was none of my business and he is not going to talk about the mother of his kids to me.

Excuse me? He´s not going to talk about the mother of his kids to you? One would think you´re some two-bit whore that he picked up somewhere.

This guy went totally nuts on me. He said that because I am naive, I didn't know any better than to ask a man something like this.

Actually, because you are naive, you have no idea how how normal, even sensible it is to ask why he got divorced, and how creepy, way out of line his answer was!

He said every woman knows to never ask a man why he is divorced. Can someone tell me if this is true?

Uh...no!

This guy really got angry at me. Prior to this, he has never gotten angry like this before. I was shocked and crying.

You should have run home, digged out his ex-wife´s number and called to ask her instead. Obviously the reason can only be something that would reflect really, really bad on him.

He then said, "my daughter will never be as naive as you when she is 28".

Perhaps you should ask yourself why a man who views you with nothing but disrespect and contempt wants to be your boyfriend.

This hurt me so badly because I told him there was no need to get nasty and say something like this. He really cut me deep when he said that.

And this is just the beginning, trust me.

Should I break this off?

Yes please.

Thank you.

Nothing to it.

Am I Just Sloppy Seconds?

2005-07-19T13:00:00.000+02:00

I met this man in 1999. At the time I was 23 and he was 40.

I have a theory about why certain older men get involved with young women...

Through the course of our relationship he has dated other women but whenever he would meet someone he was really interested in he would tell me that we needed to start seeing other people and who knows down the line.

...because they´re more likely to put up with their crap!

Wheneever his relationship with the other woman ended he would either contact me or I would contact him (I never stopped staying in touch with him) and we would resume our relationship.

And of course you always used condoms and checked for STD´s regularly, right?...Right?

2 years ago he met this woman and he told me that he couldn't see me anymore because he wanted this relationship with this woman to work. He never told me he was in love with me and we never talked about me moving in with him yet this woman moved in a few weeks after meeting him.

Um, because you´re just a fack-buddy and she was True Love TM?

So about 4 months ago he broke up with this woman and I starting seeing him again.

I have to wonder what you do, what life you lead while you wait for him to break up with his girlfriends.

And here's the problem. He seemed absolutely devastated about this breakup with this woman. I have been sleeping at his house several times a week but I keep no clothes or anything there except for an alarm clock so I can get up for work.

A call-girl couldn´t get more practical than that.

Meantime he has told me it is over with this woman but he has several pictures, big pictures of her all over his office.

Sigh.

I know he has been talking to her because his friend told me and once I heard him on the phone with her and he was really nice and stayed on the phone for over and hour and a half!!! He had told her that I was staying at the house sometimes but we were just hanging out and that if they were to start dating again or got back together I would be gone, out of the house. Needless to say I was very upset.

Why? You mean to tell me that you didn´t know you were just sex for him the whole time? Are you really that stupid? Just curious.

I am the one sleeping with him several times a week not her so doesn't that mean he wants to be with me instead of her?

No. Not necessarily.

He had told me that their relationship was the most intense in his life even more than his marriage. What does that mean?

It frightens me, that you are 29 years old and you still need to have it spelled out to you.

Also the night before he had gone to the movies with her I couldn't understand why he insisted on the house being all cleaned up and now I know, he brought her over there.

And of course you cleaned it up for him.

Do I have anything to worry about? Does he still have feelings for her and does it look like he wants to find a way for them to work things out and get back together or just to be friends? Is he using me just someone to keep him company because he doesn't want to be alone?

Uh...Duh!!!!!!!!!!

It just seems like instead of moving on from her he continues to hold on yet he says he wants to be friends. I don't think I believe that. Please help me.

You are beyond help honey.

Is He Serious About Me

2005-07-18T17:40:00.000+02:00

I'm a 20 yr-old college student who recently moved and became single. I met an older guy (one of the best looking I have ever seen) who is 29 but the age difference doesn't seem to bother either of us.

...yet anyway.

I didn't have any intentions of things becoming serious because it seemed like things were going to be a simple fling.

Define fling.

We haven't had sex yet because I told him I am waiting until marriage or at least until I find the guy I am intending on marrying.

I would love to know how one can have a "simple fling" and save themselves for marriage at the same time.

His response was he would be waiting for whenever I was ready.

Sounds like he doesn´t expect it to take too long...

He hasn't pressured me into anything I don't want to do, but our relationship is very physical.

Oral sex is sex you know.

At the same time however he holds my hand and shows lots of affection to me in public.

Which you think means, what exactly?

He has also shared a lot of very personal and dramatic things about his past with me.

And of course that makes you "special"...

I've only known this guy a week

Wow, that´s like...forever!

and he hasn't really taken me out on any really "nice" dates.

You mean you haven´t had a date with him at all.

We have mostly just hung out at his place, gone to the beach, and tried going to a club, but that didn't work out.

Some one could see you...

So my question is how can I figure out if this guy is a typical jerk who only wants me in hopes of sex or if he possibly is interested in sticking around.

Fairly easy. Guys who are just after some nooky generally don´t make the effort to date you. Seem fairly content to "hang out". Even though they act like a boyfriend, they´re not really, because nothing´s (ie. exclusivity, relationship) been talked about or agreed upon.

I have trouble believing guys because of how many times I've been screwed in the past.

Shudder. I don´t think we need to know the exact number.

So when he says things like we should meet up after I'm back in Atlanta for school since his buddy lives there I don't know if he is serious or not.

"Hey, maybe we should hook up again once you´re back in Atlanta."

Yep. Sounds really serious to me.

Not Getting Over You

2005-07-17T10:42:00.000+02:00

I dated this man for a few months, we both wanted it to be sexual in the beginning, and of course, the man started to be confusing, and the relationship turned emotional and chaotic, and the rollercoaster ride was unbearable for both, and very distressing.

Woa, woa. Wait a minute. Did you say "of course"? Does something like this happen often?

We ended on a bad note, I moved away, and didn't leave a forwarding number. He can not contact me, and I could call him, but it has been 6 mos of NC, and I see no need to call, but do have the urge every now and then.

Addicted to drama, eh?

Because it has been so long since we both spoke, I still think of him, and wonder how he's doing, but know deep down inside I can't go down that painful road again, because it's taking me a long time to get over him.

A tiny voice of reason in the darkness...

So my question for the mysterious men out there, what does silence mean after a breakup?

Say what again?!

Has he forgotten about me?

Are you sure this letter wasn´t meant for Mrs. Pavlova, Astrology and Predictions Dept.?

I know he has moved on, but do you think he thinks of me sometime?

I´m sure he does...once in a while...when he´s busy digging out a particularly crispy booger.

He can't contact me, but we do have a mutual friend, I work with, and she never mentions his name, nor do I, but I'm thinking since we have a mutual friend, if he wanted to try and contact me, he would, right?

Speaking of distorted thinking.

So does his silence mean, he never wants to speak to me again?

Let me consult my crystal ball....

He did hurt me, and alot of it was my fault, and he was to blame in alot of things too, but I would like to speak to him, and find peace with him,

You don´t need to see him/speak to him to get closure. Closure is something you give to yourself.

but I feel I have to wait until he wants to, because I tried, and it caused alot of stress on him and me.

Admit it. You just want to worm your way into his pants again.

I'm just curious, what does his silence mean, after all this time?

That he´s moving on with his life?

Knocked Up And Single

2005-07-16T13:21:00.000+02:00

My bf is very hesitant to get married, and we are expecting our first child.

Oooopsy!

He has so called agreed to grant my wishes but I think that he is bs'ing.

What, prey, is "bs´ing"? Let me guess... you think he just said yeah to shut your trap, but he´s not going to go through with it...

I have mentioned to him once already that I do not want to be a single mother and refuse for that to happen.

Well then, if that´s the case, why is there a problem? Surely a woman, as determined not to become a single mother as you are, took every conceivable precaution, and thoroughly discussed things with her boyfriend about what should take place in the event of a pregnancy.

I haven't been able to tell him that if he really does not want to go through this, I won't go through any of this all together.

What? You haven´t blackmailed him yet?!

I'm not really certain as to why he does not want to marry me

At least a thousand different reasons I can think of. So?

but I need to know,

You already know what you need to know. You are pregnant, don´t want to be a single mother and he doesn´t want to marry you. Wondering why he doesn´t want to marry and thinking up of ways to make him marry you is just a waste of valuable time.

maybe someone can help me?

Get thee to a family planning clinic.

Ex Calls Out Of The Blue

2005-07-15T14:01:00.000+02:00

About a month or so ago, my ex-boyfriend called after not having any contact with for 2 years.

Oh.

We had dated for 2 years, he was going through a divorce and broke things off because he wanted to "date" after being married so long.

That´s a common theme among divorced guys.

Anyway ... about a month ago, he called me on a Saturday night at 9:00 pm. To me and in the single world, I believe, that is "date night".

It´s also known as "desperation night". The night when calling up old girlfriends suddenly seems like a really good idea, because there is no date within a 20 mile radius and likely hasn´t been in quite a while.

He asked if I had a minute, then proceeded to tell me he had been thinking about me, etc. etc. We talked about general things (family, life, weather) for an hour. At the end of the call, he told me he thinks about me often and hopes that I think about him still too.

Ugh.

He called about 3 weeks after that on a Friday night at 8pm and we only talked for 1/2 hour and about the same general topics. I just found it odd.

It´s not odd at all to call at two nights when women are generally with friends/someone and test the waters.

What do you think? Is he interested again?

He sounds interested alright. The question should be, for what?

And if he is/was, why didn't he say anything like that?

Because he´s lonely and just looking for a fill-in?

We had a great relationship at one point in time, and when he broke things off, it took me a very long time to recover from it. Part of me feels like "Well, well, well - finally found out that the dating single world isn't what you thought it would be". haha - I know, mean.

Not mean at all. Just very realistic.

But a bigger part of me just feels like "Why are you calling me now?" It's not like we ended as friends. I was entirely too hurt to just be friends.

Another good reason to excercise caution with this man. He used you once as a crutch when he was going through a difficult divorce and basically threw you away once he was done.

If he really wants anything more than some reminiscing phone-calls he better be willing to go through some serious hoops. An invitation to come over for a movie (ie. booty call) won´t and shouldn´t be enough.

Btw, he is 52 and I am 49. So we are a bit older and it's not a game playing situation.

For your information, age does not exclude "playing games".

Part of me would not mind trying with him again,

The "I have nothing better going at the moment either" part. Work on that, please.

another part says ... better not.

Listen to it.

Why Doesn´t He Call Back

2005-07-14T21:20:00.000+02:00

I 'reconnected' with a guy from my past. But before we went back to his place (we watched a movie and had sex), he gave me his cell phone number and told me to call him anytime I wanted.

So?

He said it while we were talking during the movie, and again when I was leaving.

And in a typical female fashion you thought it....meant something!

After 3 days I got up the nerve to call him - and left my number and a message on his voice mail. I haven't heard anything...that was 5 days ago.

He said you could call him anytime, he didn´t say anything about calling back.

Tonight I tried again. Still no answer, and I didn't leave a message. I looked his home number up in the phone book and tried that one. Answering machine - I didn't leave a message. I know it's a bit stalkerish, and I wish I would have left messages - but it took me so long to get up the nerve to call again, and I didn't know exactly what to say.

Never call without knowing what exactly you want to say.

I realize that it was just sex between us - I'm perfectly okay with that -

No you´re not.

but why would he keep reenforcing the idea to call him anytime if he's not going to answer or call me back?

True, hard to say why a booty call would say all these polite things.

Is it just to keep me interested for when he calls for sex?

Possibly.

Yes - that is exactly what I think it means. Will I go to him? Hard to say.

Think about it. And think if you´d really be happy just being his bone buddy. You sound like you still in love with him.

I just wish I could stop thinking about him. There are questions from the past that I want to ask him - like why we lost contact -

Why do people usually lose contact? Why do you lose contact with somebody?

but don't know how.

What purpose would that serve?

This guy makes me so nervous, and not in the bad way. My knees shake when I'm near him.

Oh brother.

How To Catch Mr. Right

2005-07-13T09:42:00.000+02:00

But I just put on hold 12 self help relationship books at the library.

Oh, oh...

The first two books have come in. The first is called "What Men Want: Three Professional Single Men Reveal to Women What It Takes to Make a Man Yours." I've read the introduction and these things struck me:

"Knowing the reality - not the ideal - of what men want

Show up naked - bring beer?

can free women to make better decisions in their love relationships."

Sounds suspiciously like "lower your expectations" to me.

I guess I tend towards the ideal. The way things SHOULD be. I recently questioned that in myself, and whether I should give up ideal in order to get something good.

If all you´re after is a man, any man, putting their needs first and letting them get away with murder will get you a relationship, but it won´t be "good".

It will be more like: "is this as good as it gets?!"

THAT is a continuing struggle. I feel that that means giving up. Essentially it is. I don't know if I can do it.

I should hope not.

But it's very clear that I'm never going to get into a relationship the way I'm going, and that I either need to give that up, and find out what the reality of what men want or deciding to go it alone (so far I've chosen to go it alone, but damn, it can get lonely).

Focus on what you want and whether you can give it, and you´ll be just fine. You want trim, be trim, you want handsome, make sure you look good too, you want faithful, you have to know to be faithful yourself, etc.

If you truly have any unrealistic expectations, then they will automatically adjust themselves, as you can´t demand something you can´t give.

"many women also - without meaning to - ruin a good thing and end up alienating the men who do love them."

Sure, that happens, especially if said woman is a silly b1tch who doesn´t know what she wants. But it sounds like "reduce your expectations - don´t rock the boat" to me, which is the advice most books of this kind dish out.

I just know that I'm going to be at odds with most of this book. But if giving over to it really makes me able to find a good, happy relationship, is that sacrifice of myself justified?

If it´s the right relationship, you won´t even have to.

What in the end is more important?

Love yourself, strive to self-improve, see a relationship as an enrichment to an already full and happy life, rather than a necessity.

1) Has anyone ever had a positive experience with a self help book?

I can imagine one would...if it was a book on how to become a better person. But those are not very popular. People just want an easy, step-by-step recipe on how to snag the perfect mate, so that they finally can breath that big sigh of relief, kick back and let go. But it doesn´t work that way.

2) Is it more important to be right, or to get what you need?

You mean, To Be Yourself Or To Have A Boyfriend?

Those two are not mutually exclusive you know. Just stick to your guns. A relationship with the wrong guy is not better than being alone, and the many letters one reads on the subject attest to this very fact.

3) Do men ever think about what THEY can do to better their chances of getting a relationship

Oh they do, they do. But very few of them are reading and practicing sneaky ways on getting a girlfriend. (ie. Call every 4 days, stay on the phone only 15 min.) Now honest, would you really want to date such a guy?

It doesn't sit well with me if I'm the one doing all the giving up to get inline with where they are.

Then stop it. Send those books back. Forget about "snagging a man". Amazing things will happen. Promise.

I just don't hear often of men making trying to be what their women want.

Because women won´t let them. They are too busy reading Cosmo and silly "How-to-find-Mr.Right" books and molding them selves into that artificial woman they are told that men want.

Self help books seem directed at women (either to change themselves or try to change their partner).

Women spend an insane amount of time, energy and money on relationships....somewhere along they way, they pick up the belief that it´s their responsibility to make things work.

In the animal kingdom, it´s usually the male that has to impress a (usually greyish looking, fairly boring) female that he´s a great catch.

In humans, the guy doesn´t even get a chance to do so. The females are too desperate to "make it work".

4) Is this a big huge waste of time?

Yes.

5) If a person isn't going to consider you relationship material they way you are, isn't that person not worth changing for?

No person is worth that except yourself.

Or, in other words, is trying to make yourself relationship material for someone disloyal to yourself??

Yes. And depressing.

Haven´t you ever wondered why so many women are on anti-depressants?

Come - Go Away

2005-07-11T23:52:00.000+02:00

I have been involved in a 7 year long- -off again*on again- -relationship.

This isn´t a relationship, this is a light switch.

Its been so painful, & confusing that its literally crippled me from moving on with my life!

Have you sought therapy for your need to stay in "painful & confusing" situations, and if not, why not?

I was always the one that was doing the 'heart-breaking', so to say, in the relationships! Now, I guess- -its my turn- -!

Ah. That´s why you stay.

This man is a real "Jeckle & Hyde"! One minute he is loving & caring, thoughtful, & attentive. Then like another person comes in and takes over his personality! He's rude, like almost purposely avoids me, insultive, and wants to get away from me! When last week this man 'loved me'! & made love to me (now we sleep like brother & sister!)

He sounds like a Lithium perscription that hasn´t been filled yet.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster,in the this relationship, like no other in my life!

Wow. How exciting this must be for you.

I can NOT figure the sense of this!

And I won´t leave until I do...

Everything is fine, and were getting along fine, then out of the blue, he just acts like he stops caring! To me, when you 'love' someone, you are not playing a game! I take my life serious!

Your seriousness just shines through...yeah.

Its the only life I have, ya know?

Then why do you waste it?

I don't have time for games, or false lead-ons, or trying to install hurt & pain! You only live once, and I want to be happy! To give love from my heart, and to be loved in return! That doesn't cost a thing!

So when will you start to walk the talk?

I don;t know if I'm coming or going in this relationship(?)! I think I know where I stand, only to see the opposite! He's walked away from this relationship so many times I can't count! Hurt me badly, I didn't think I could go on! Then after time, he'll return, only after a few months down the road, to do it again & again, & again!!!

How about you taking him in again and again? One has to wonder who´s the real crazy here.

I have more important things to do in my life, then being PLAYED with! I feel that that's what he doing to me! I'm O.K. one minute, then the next I'm expendable! Like, another person is trying to take my place or something. Or like he's trying to have another fill my shoes!

Of course he´s trying. But the other, more clever chicks see through him right away and send him packing....back to you.

Am I wrong? What does a man think when he acts like this??

That he can do whatever he wants with you?

I'm being used, ain't I??

Yes, but by whom?

Is it that he's afraid to commit?

This is so not about him. It´s about your willingness to be dragged through the mud like this.

Or he's weaning himself away from me, trying to find another- -thinks he does have another- -thats why I get the "I'm leaving you..." treatment??? Could REALLY use a man's input on this!!

Being a man has nothing to do with this.

Please give me some advice, or a solution to curing him of this 'game' he's been getting by with for too long!!

You want to cure him? You´re more sick than I thought.

Monster-In-Law

2005-07-10T10:43:00.000+02:00

My life is a mess. My husband and I got married last September and we live in San Diego.

It would be interesting to know how long you knew each other before you married?

His dad unexpectedly died in October leaving his mom in Los Angeles. In November his mom begged to move in with us - even though she has a house in L.A.

Oh I see. She needed somebody new that she could drive nuts.

We reluctantly let her do so.... temporarily. In December my husband deployed with the military to Iraq for six months leaving me with his mom.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg. How could he? The very least he could have convinced her to go back home before he left. Unless he wanted to make sure you wouldn´t run around on him.

His mom is is a self imposed helpless person, who doesn't drive (even though she could; she has a valid license), she has no hobbies, she has no interests, she just watches TV. She doesn't have any limiting disease etc - she's overweight though and she's a hypochrondriac sp? She has some digestive problems, (she can´t even "stomach" herself) but nothing life threatening.

Tyrants tend to live long I noticed.

So.... she stayed with me - I've got a very demanding job and work a lot of hours. I would come home to a dark house with her sitting in the living room crying. It drove me nuts. I listened to her depressing stories etc and drove her up to L.A. every week to get her mail and mow her lawn - I had our lawn etc to do as well.

Oh Gawd!

She'd have a weekly list of things for me to do around her house - and she'd complain about how I did them. I took her grocery shopping etc. Eventually I got her to stay at her house every other week. Eventually she would be there for two weeks at a time.

Cudos to you for managing it.

Then I had a shoulder accident and severed my bicep. I had to have surgery and was in severe pain and recovering for a month. During that time I ordered her groceries on line or neighbors took her to the store. Whenever she wasn't here, I talked to her on the phone just about every night. If I didn't call, she would ask why. (Duh!) My parents came to help me with the surgery and they drove me up there to make sure she was ok.

Talking about a stone around one´s neck.

Then..... our Golden Retriever came down with cancer. He's still getting by, but it's been rough.
Finally.... my husband got back last month. His mom insisted at coming back down her for his homecoming. Personally, I would have preferred to have some "alone" time with my spouse but that didn't happen.

People like her haven´t even heard the word considerate, let along understand it.

She came down and I went back to work the following day. I gave her the first week with him to bond etc. (Huh?!) The following week, my husband and I planned a trip to Disney World to get reaquainted...

...His mom gave him a guilt trip. We flew out of L.A. to Orlando, so we saw her before we left. I went to the car, but I could hear her telling him that he promised to take care of her. He said "What did you want me to do mom, not go to Orlando with my wife?"

That might seem like a glimmer of hope, but alas you need to come to terms with the fact that your soldier-man is nothing but a mama´s boy.

She was on him for an hour before he finally came out to the car and left.

A man would have left right away.

This week she was back with us. I worked late and my husband spent time with her. We took her to two Fireworks shows. She wants to move in again and continues to give my huband a guilt trip. It's his mom and he feels a certain responsibility to help her, but letting her move in is different.

Note also, that he is an only son and there are no other relatives around.

So? Love and respect and a willingess of people to take care of you in your dotage is earned. She hasn´t earned it.

I said no and he doesn't like that I don't want her here.

Tell him to go back to his mama. Let her keep him warm at night.

Frankly, I think that she is very selfish and rude but I've never said one disrepectful thing to her.

Because you are much too kind.

My husband is up with her in L.A. today - I had to work - but he'll be home tomorrow. How do I handle this situation???

Easy. This is a simple case of Love Me, Love My Mom. They are a package deal. If you want to keep him you have to keep the mom.

I love my husband more than anything and I don't want to lose him, but I feel like she is driving a wedge between us.

You can confidently expect this wedge to grow much bigger in time.

Please help. I love my husband.

I´m so sorry, I really am.

Well, single girls, take heed. This painful experience could have been easily avoided if the man´s family would have been carefully scrutinized by the woman before marrying. There are always hints to be found about this sort of thing, if one pays attention...

Meet the family before marrying. Is it a big family? Are the parents nice? Do they like you and have their own life. If his mothers says blue and you say black, whoses opinion does he back up? Does he always defer to them? Do they support his life style?

I hope you get my drift.

Booty Call For Love

2005-07-09T20:39:00.000+02:00

I guess I am wondering if I am letting myself be used.

It depends on your definition. Lets agree that being used means you give without getting anything back.

I have been seeing a guy for about 7 months. We have never gone out on an official "date". Just to a bar and to his aparmtent to play cards watch tv etc..

Would that innocent sounding "etc", per chance, mean "hot, wild sex"?

I fell for him early on and told him I felt. He has told me he does not want a serious relationship and has never wavered on this.

But he did want the sex, didn´t he?

This prompted me to agree to be "friends with beneftis" as we have great sex and I did not want to give this up. We really have a great time together etc..

I still can´t see how you are being used.

I thought I could keep my emotions at bay but I have not heard from him for 2 weeks (usually I see him 2-3 times a week) and it is driving me crazy and making me realize my feelings again.

So you can´t take the heat. What are you going to do about it?

I know it seems pretty clear looking at this that I am a fool.

Mildy so, yes.

The problem is when I am with him he makes comments that elude to the future or at least that make it sound like one day he wants to be with me in a more serious way.

He´s just dangling a carrot in front of you. If a man does decide to get serious, the last person he´d choose would be his bone-buddy.

Does it sound like I am just holding out hope for something that will never be?

Yes.

I should mention that when I do see him it is usually a 1000pm or 1100pm text message..(booty call).

We established that already.

This relationship is killing me...I cannot seem to get him out of my system!

Then I´ll guess you´ll just have to stick around until he´s through with you.

I keep giving him leeway because he has 3 children and an ex wife who left him and I just think he needs time.

Time for what? To win her back? You might want to ask her why she left him.

Obssesed with his Ex

2005-07-08T22:52:00.000+02:00

This is my first serious relationship, and his second. He was previously with Becky for 2 years while in university. From what he's told me, they grew apart, she cheated on him, he found out, and they had a bad breakup. They did not stay friends after this, they don't have any mutual friends, and she moved to a city 6 hours away, so they didn't see each other anymore.

Sounds like your average relationship breakup.

My problem is, I don't feel like he's over her.

Whatever gave you that idea...

Throughout our relationship, he's talked about her all the time. He's told me cute stories about her, talked about great things she's done. He's even just referred to her as a bitch sometimes and seemed bitter over what she did to him, and then goes right back to reminiscing about her.

How would a woman stay over a year with a guy who always talks about his ex is beyond me. Isn´t it common knowledge that anybody who constantly talks about his ex to his new flame just has to be bad news. And if it isn´t, why not?!

She used to love cooking, so whenever I cook something for him, he outwardly compares it to something she made. Like when I made a stir fry, he didn't stop talking about the sauce she would make from scratch for her stir frys. I tried to interrupt and talk about what I put in my sauce, but he just kept going on about hers.

And who compares his Ex´s cooking to hers!

I have told him that hearing about her bothers me, and I don't like being so blatantly compared, and I've asked him to stop. He's apologized, said he'd stop. But after a little while of not mentioning her, he starts again, and we end up having the same fight repeatedly.

There are meds for this.

He's also called me Becky 3 times. Including in front of my friends, and in front of someone who was friends with his ex.

That´s beyond the pale.

Recently, he started a new job and we moved to a new city and a new apartment. He's been bringing his stuff from his parents house to the new place for the past 2 months. I kept wondering why he felt the need to bring her pictures, why they were packed with the rest of his stuff, why he had a whole collection of pictures of her together, like a small shrine.

Because he has a mental condition?

So would it be wrong for me to tell him to pack up his memories of her, including the pictures, and the gifts?

Your question should be, why do I even feel the need to ask such a question.

And am I just overreacing in general about this whole thing?

I give up. Yes, yes, of course, now shut up and put up with it.

I've never known another guy that seemed so hung up on his ex, I wasn't sure if what he's doing is normal?

If it were normal would that make it ok?

He Wants Space

2005-07-07T16:24:00.001+02:00

I have been dating a wonderful man for the past two years. Just last week, he decided to tell me that he needed space and time to think about things.

Ahhh. The infamous "space". There is usually only one reason why men want space and that´s...

He said that he's had a feeling that things were "off" between us for the past 5 or 6 months, but he thought it might be a phase and didn't want to say anything to alarm me.

That sounds like an intelligent thing to do... (not).

More recently, he has started spending more time with another female friend than with me.

...another woman.

He says there is no attraction, (liar, liar pants on fire) but she is more fun to hang out with because I've been so emotional.

The "it´s your fault".

My crazy emotions are due to the fact that he has said he wants space and because he's been spending so much time with another woman.

That would make any woman "crazy" I think.

In any case, I am totally lost without him. I can't call him, email him, or visit him now because it makes him push me away even more. And he certainly hasn't made any moves to contact me.

Why should he? He´s having way too much with his new "friend", while you actually pine for the lowlife.

He said he doesn't want to make a decision that he will regret (i.e. breaking up), but he's not sure what he wants right now.

Translation: He wants to make sure she´s a bigger doormat than you before he ditches you completely.

I just don't understand how, after 2 years, someone can so quickly do a 180 and avoid spending time with someone they were so excited to see everyday. He says he doesn't know what has caused this feeling.

Duh! Another woman perhaps?!

I am so confused and hurt...and find it hard to even keep breathing. (Oh, please, please spare me!) I am trying to keep myself busy. I drag myself to work...just to sit and stare at the monitor. My roommate has kept me busy several nights this week...but I still usually end up crying each time because I miss my darling so much.

If you had any self-esteem you wouldn´t be missing that slapper. You really might want to work on that.

I just don't know what I could have done to make him not be as ecstatic to see me and spend time with me anymore.

You did nothing. Fresh pussy will do that to a man. Pussy which he could have said no to if he was any decent.

I want things to work out because I love him completely. I can't imagine my life without him in it.

Barf.

He´s A Macho

2005-07-06T11:33:00.000+02:00

We've been married for almost 5 years and I am miserable. I think that I knew in my heart that he wasn't 'the one' right before the wedding, but I went ahead and got married anyway.

You´d be surprised how many people do this.

Big mistake. We don't even spend much time together, actually he doesn't really like to have fun or socialize. I am the opposite.

How on earth did you ever meet?

I have tried to have fun with him, but it hasn't worked.

Why would you marry a guy you can´t have fun with?

From the outside, our lives seem pretty good, we have a beautiful home and a beautiful daughter and are doing well financially.

Ahhh, that´s why.

But, inside I am dying.

Money can´t buy you happiness.

I think that I somewhat resent him.

Instead of resenting yourself for marrying him. Much easier.

He has strange ideals. He is old-fashioned when it suits him. He really wanted a family and asked me constantly when we were going to have a child. I was just past 30 and a lot of my friends were having children, and I really wanted a child myself, but I knew how I felt inside. (ie. that he wasn´t the right man to make a child with. If only people would listen to themselves they wouldn´t need the likes of Dear Abby.) However, we had our daughter just about a year ago. She is beautiful and the only thing that lights up my life!

So you married a macho who wants to keep you barefoot and pregnant. Which might sound sweet to some women, but here´s the reality of it:

He barely pays attention to her and it is my 'job' to take care of all of her needs. When he comes home, he will say how much he misses her and after his dinner, he will then hold her. Sometimes, I even get a break and he will feed her, although he seems tired of it before she can finish. If she cries, he looks at me...to tell him what is wrong. Then he is off to bed. Meanwhile, I do work and while I did expect to handle most of her care, I feel like his life hasn't changed a bit. If I want/need to go out, it's like I have to ask him to 'babysit'.

Typical.

He never takes me anywhere and I can't remember the last time he took me to dinner or the movies. He always leaves his dishes in the sink and just expects me to handle that too.

You´re just the breeding mare and house-slave.

I just assume go out when he comes home. We are barely intimate, as I have no desire. I feel like I am at the point of no return. I'm not in love with him and don't think I could ever get it back. He has a suspicious nature. He annoys me constantly.

Cheer up. It will get worst in time.

It would be hard to leave, both financially (even though I have always supported myself and do have my own money) and with a child. I really don't want to be a single mother, and I would have to work more and she would be stuck in daycare.

Being a single mom is very tough, and I certainly understand why one would choose comfort vs. spine. Just be sure you know what you´ll be choosing by staying this time.

I know that I should have thought of these things before.

You should have, yes.

But I'm not sure that I can justify staying in this non-existent relationship much longer.

Then go ahead. Just don´t have any illusions about whatever you will decide.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I was with someone different.

If you don´t change in some very definite ways, you´ll just end up with the same kind of guy.

It´s Too Small

2005-07-05T15:21:00.000+02:00

I feel I have met my soul mate in everyway. He's like my best friend and my lover.

Here comes the fly in the soup...

But juss last week we decided to take our relationship to a sexual level. So I went all out to make our night special but when it came down to make love I noticed that his penis was small.

Oh.

We still had sex, in fact 3 times that night.

Nice.

He trully makes the sayin its not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean come to life.

Stupid saying.

I love him so much but the small penis thing is still on my mind.

If the guy is good and the sex was great...what for?

I want to tell him

What do you expect to accomplish?

but I know how guys are real sensitive about that.

I can´t imagine a woman feeling very thrilled either to have her boyfriend tell her: "It´s a little bit too wide, but I don´t mind.")

Also I think he's insecure about it b/c when we was layin together he would put the sheets between us so i couldn't feel it.

It ain´t easy being green.

I wanna say its ok.

What for? It´s not going to make him feel better. The question is: why do you need to hear it?

But I think he will get upset if i bring it up.

Crushed more like it.

What can I do?

Decide if it´s something you can live with and go about your life.

I love him too much to leave him about this lil situation.

There you go. Stop thinking about it. In time he´ll stop feeling so self-conscious.

She´s Pushing Him

2005-07-04T19:36:00.000+02:00

Things with my boyfriend of 1 year 8 months have been going pretty good lately...

Are you sure?

We have seen a counsellor once and have another appointment in the next couple of weeks, to help us communicate better ( extremely different personality styles ).

It´s easier to find a shoe that fits, than make the wrong one fit.

I live on my own in an apartment, and he lives with his Mom. (Is that so?) He is a CA student ( Chartered Accountant ) and will be done (finally!) this upcoming October ( our two year anniversary! ).

Awwwww.

He has been talking about moving out on his own into an apartment ( he has lived on his own before, but has moved back home a few times ).

I wonder why.

I asked him when he thinks he would want to live with me, and he said he didn't know, and that he wasn't ready.

True. The only thing he sounds ready for is to finally grow up.

I told him I just want to know when he thinks this would happen- and he then started to get angry ( after awhile I wouldn't give up and kept asking ) (...because you got insecure) and told me to stop "pressuring and pushing" and to "leave it alone" and "let things be, let them happen".

That doesn´t sound very good. While many guys get uncomfortable when The Subject comes up, a normal mature guy should be able to give you a clear answer (ie. I can see us getting married in 5 years/I don´t see myself getting married at all.) Getting angry, being wishy/washy about it is uncool and it implies that he does know, but doesn´t want to tell you so that you won´t leave him.

But you are not being ok, either. You should know better than to keep asking him. If he doesn´t know and doesn´t want to give a time frame, it´s up to you to decide if you´re ok with this, or you want to move on to a guy who does know what he wants and when he wants it.

And he said he refuses to jump into anything like marriage and moving in with me. The thing is, is that he used to mention this stuff before, in the beginning.

That was to get you in bed.

Now our "future talks" always end up in fights because I get upset (insecure) and he gets angry. I told him I am not ready either, that I am still young ( turning 23 in a month, he's turning 28 in two months ) but I just want to put my mind at ease and know that there is a future with him.

You want to make sure that your investment will pay off.

I know I tend to overanalyze, but do I leave this alone? We hung up the phone last night on each other on bad terms, I asked him how am I supposed to know that he won't jerk me around, and that he really wants this stuff with me- he says he doesn't know ( he was mad ).

I want you to read this quote carefully and decide which kind of a woman you are:

"Women have been taught that in order to have a place in the world, an identity, they must marry and have children. If that's the life you truly want, great.

But for many women, marriage is only about needing the world to know that someone desires them enough to say, "Here's a contract to prove that I love you and will commit to you for the rest of my life."

For these women, no contract equals no validation - and, thus, no reason for existing." - Salma Hayek

Hubby´s tuned out

2005-07-04T13:30:00.000+02:00

I'm just not sure what to do with my husband. We have had two incidents of online infidelity (on his part) and the first one we worked through. The second one I have had a hell of a time getting past.

As you should. Once is bad enough, two is a pattern.

We started seeing a counselor and the first session was outstanding - I LOVED it. She pinned exactly what my problem was at the time - I belittled myself for feeling I had any right to still be angry with him when (in my mind) it could have been worse...

(ie. you were acting like a typical co-dependent.)

I'm giving myself permission to just feel what I feel now

which is?

and things were going good.

It helped you continue delude yourself.

And then...

That very same week while I was in the clouds...falling back into love with him like crazy...

He´s a smooth operator ain´t he?

he decides to break his word to me BIG TIME. He's always had honesty issues and integrity issues.

Cheaters always do.

His dad was in the banking business and was very smooth with words and "handling people." He definitely learned it there.

What else does that tell you... about the future for example.

And in his last marriages

marriages?! Can you say RED FLAG?!

it was "okay" because they just chose to ignore his lack of integrity.

And the reason those marriages broke up was?... (You really might want to ask...his ex-wives!!)

But it drives me NUTS. It's all or none when it comes to integrity, as far as I'm concerned - that's how I was raised.

Then why are you still with him?

We're trying to get the house ready for his kids to come visit (from a previous marriage) and I gave him a simple list of chores to do while I went to work.

I call to talk to him and he CHOSE to go into work because they called and asked if he would come in early. I was ON FIRE. We have such a limited amount of time to get things set up around here and I deserve to have his assistance with everything seeing as how they are HIS CHILDREN.

You told him, he chose not to do anything, just leave it be. You´re not his mom and you´re not his children´s mom. But no... you just can´t stand the idea of people thinking anything less than nice thoughts about you.

For some reason he feels an obligation to these people that he does not feel to me.

He figures he can always find another woman, but jobs are hard to come by.

I sit him down and we had a MAJOR talk about integrity and honesty and being one's word and I THOUGHT he got it.

All he did was nod and wonder when you´re going to shut up already.

Then I asked him to take the rent check over to the office today. The ONLY thing I asked him to do and I call him after he's gone to work and I'm AT work and he says he didn't take the check over.

Does he listen at anything you say anymore?

I'm sick of the chronic disrespect of this relationship and him thinking it's okay as long as he has a good enough excuse. I keep explaining to him the message I get when he does that stuff, but it doesn't seem to sink in.

Nagging never does.

I'm just sure what to do. Is this relationship worth staying for AT ALL?

Only you can know that.

On one hand - he is an incredible man. He is compassionate and caring and chivalrous and everything I ever wanted in a man

Where? Where? Where? All I see is a man who´s stopped caring a long time ago.

but the integrity issues are driving me up the wall.

This isn´t just about integrity honey, it´s about lack of any respect towards you.

I'm just not sure what to do.

You will as soon as you realize that you cannot change anyone, nobody can do that except themselves.

The Other Woman

2005-06-30T09:40:00.000+02:00

I met my boyfriend at work, and we became friends, good friends. He can relate to me, he makes me understand things, he is always there for me no matter what he is my true best frined, I've been through things in my life, that he helped me through, I mean if it was not for him, my little girl would have not have had a christmas in 2003.

You sound perfect for each other. Knight in shining armor, damsel in distress... And the problem is?

The thing is, he's married,

Aaaaaaaaaaaah, he´s maaaaaaarried.

I asked him why he was talking to me if he was married, and he said that he got married because his younger brother got married, so he felt that he had to get married too.

And the logic of this is?

They have a house together, but he stays in one room and she stays in another room, on the other side of the house, he said its not a marriage, but its a name on a piece of paper.

Did you get that in writing?

I asked why he won't get a divorce and he said because they have a mortgage together.

Of course. There is always something.

I asked him how long have they been married, but he said he wasn't sure,

huh?

they don't talk at all, they don't go anywhere, he told me that he would feel more comfortable taking me out somewhere than she.

But of course he doesn´t...

I know about her, we (she, and I) work at the same job.

Have you talked to her and verified his story? Or do you just take everything he says as gospel.

I've tried letting him go, because I know that its not really ok to be with him, but in the back of my mind I feel like if they don't even communicate to one another and they live in the same house.

Then it must somehow make it ok... right?

Then why am I worried about it.

Becaue it´s not?

I don't want to let him go, and he has made it clear to me that he loves me and that He can't bear the thought of loosing me.

More than he can´t bear the thought of losing his house? Trust me, if push came to shove he´d drop you like a hot potato.

I don't know what to do, we have kept this a secret for 3 years.

Why? Why should his wife mind? Like he said they´re just roomates. Unless of course he... (gasp) lied.

I want to tell but I'm afraid of what people may say.

As you should. Would it come out, not only people would blame you and you´ll lose your job, you would find many unsuitable men knocking on your door, hoping to get a piece of free action.

Please Help me, I'm in a Forbidden love.

Oh how romantic. Barf.

Did I mention that Im 22 and he is 40.

Makes sence. Only the young ones and the really stupid ones would believe his story.

He´s 17 she´s 26

2005-06-30T09:30:00.000+02:00

I have been talking to this guy...I am 26 and he's 17...

Oh, oh...

We have mutual friends....

What mutual friends could you possibly have with a 17 y.o.?

I am not sure what to do....

Grow up? Ask yourself why you feel the need to have such a young toy-boy? Get therapy?!

He has been to my house a couple of times and we almost slept together...

If you must I hope you´re using every conceivable form of protection...

Is it so wrong?....

Well, would you be proud to tell your family about it? If not, then it probably is.

Doese age really matter...

Uh... yes.

I like him and he likes me...he says he has no problem with my age and the age he is...

Of course he doesn´t have a problem. He´s too young to fully grasp the situation.

He says that age doese not matter to him...

I bet it matters to his parents.

We are not really looking for a relationship right now...

I know. It´s all about hot, filthy $ex with a minor...

He is very mature for his age...

...who has a bick c0ck.

You see on tv ppl dating older and younger...

So? People kill other people on TV too. Just because something is on TV doesn´t mean it´s ok.

But doese it really matter....

Yes, it matters, now stop it before somebody finds out about it and we have to read about it on national news.

Should I leave Bf for a better model?

2005-06-30T07:29:00.000+02:00

Hi I've been in a relationship for a year an a half and I'm not happy.

Honesty is the first step.

I feel like I am being verbally and emotionally abused (we live together and he yells at me for everything: Money, chores, the fact that I haven't quit smoking etc.).

That´s not abuse honey, that´s parenting. Somebody hasn´t left home yet.

Well I recently started talikng to an old friend that I used to like but haven't talked to in a year and a half.

I see, you only have time for your buddies when you´re single... or unhappy.

He told me this whole time that we haven't talked he's been thinking of me and he wants to be with me.

A decent guy wouldn´t try to come between you and another guy. Something tells me he´s out for pu$$y.

I honestly do think that I would be happier with him than I am w/ current b/f but how do I know?

You can´t know. Have you questioned yourself about this need to only leave a relationship when you think you´re upgrading? Newsflash: You can be happy alone too.

I'm afraid that if I break up w/ current and start a new relationship w the other guy that I still won't be happy.

I´m afraid of that too. Because happiness is not found in situations or people, but you seem to think so.

I don't know wht to do and if I do break up w/ current how do I do it,

You just break up. Carefully, just in case he decides a dead girlfriend is better than an ex-girlfriend.

I don't want to hurt him.

I don´t get the reasoning of not wanting to "hurt" somebody who hurts you?

Thanks in advance for your advice

Don´t thank me, just take it.

Girlfriends Best Friend Is A Guy

2005-06-29T23:53:00.000+02:00

To start off with i've been with my girlfriend for alittle over a year and a half now (...) I love her to death and can't imagine being away from her, however right now i am. You see she has these friends that she goes out with and one of them named tyson i really don't care much for.

Tyson? Mike Tyson?

She knows this but she goes anyway, used to be twice a week, then she dropped it down some, now its once a week or so.

Practically an old married couple...

I used to be affraid she was cheating on me with him, so i'd do the stupid things like check her phone and get really annoyed when she texts him.

Instead of actually talking with her and setting some boundaries...

I gave that up because i know that she wouldn't cheat on me,

How do you know this? Because she told you? Because Madam Mim´s crystal ball said so? Because you know her well enough to judge her character and morals?

but i still get jelous of her spending time with them.

Maybe you aren´t as sure after all...

She did tell me when we started this thing that most all her friends were guys.

This doesn´t have to be a red flag, but usually it can...

Well what got me in trouble was monday when while i was at work she said she was gonna go over and see a friend (...)I asked her to call me and let me know what was goin on so i would know how to plan my day(...)Well a few hours pass with no phone call so i tried calling her. It went straight to her voice mail wich meant that she was over at Tysons place.

Do not disturb huh?

I just had to be stupid and go find out, so i drive by his house and there sets her car.

Ta da!

Oh i'm sure she had gone to see her friend before she went there,

Not that your wonderful girlfriend would ever lie to you or anything...

but it was the fact that she usually doesn't come home till late when she goes out with Tyson and the other 2 (another 2?!) that made me really mad.

Oh, you didn´t mind her lying to you, but you did mind her being late for your sex session. That makes sence...

She knew i wanted to do something with her and she still went over there.

Sounds like he´s better than you in the sack...

I blew up, no i didn't go knock on the door or anything but i did call her phone and said some harse things. Come to find out she left his house about 30 minutes latter and was on her way to see me.

Uh, in what way does that change the fact that she lied to you about going to Tyson´s?

In short i screwed up and i'm not sure what i can do to fix things.WHAT DO I DO??????

Buy flowers. Buy chocolate. Buy condoms. Invite her over to the local swinger club with Tyson and the guys.

Hate Him, Love His Family

2005-06-29T22:44:00.001+02:00

I have been with my boyfriend for over two and a half years. I knwo he is not the one. I knwo ti isn't going to work.

And the reason you´re still together is?...

His family is wonderful and i know he loves me.

A sufficient reason. *cough* I suppose.

We are heading intwo different directions and although he can be a good person he has certainly made his share of mistakes in the releationships. Mistakes we have worked through and now i wonder why.

Um, because his family is wonderful and you know he loves you?

It is not that i do not love him but it is coming to a poitn where it just isn't going to work.

Oh. You met someone who says he loves you more and has a new Porsch er, I mean he has an even nicer family and he demands that you shit or get off the pot.

Why can't i pull the trigger?

Because you´re co-dependent and believe that you´re a nobody unless you have somebody?

THere is always a reason my birthday (which eh has messed up in a big way for three years) his father's day. ALways an excuse to stay. I have unfourtantely take my bitterness to the extreme and cheated on him.

Ah. The guy with the Porsch.

I have not slept with anyoen else just kiss.

Of course.

And although they have been relatively minor infractions i should not be partaking.

Oral sex is sex.

Every time i say it is a mistake, and I manage to do it again.

I see you have a lot of self-control...

Not hundreds of time but enough,

Oh, oh...

I go out on the weekends and he doesn't like my freinds.

I wonder why.

HOw i do I gain the courage to just pull the trigger.

You don´t. Your type never does. You will marry him, have a few kids, continue to cheat on the weekends, but you´ll still be frustrated...

ANy possibility his family and he won't hate me?

Who knows, once the dust settles you guys might become friends again. It´s a risk you have to take if you want to grow a spine.

He has ben a part of my life for almost three years and i know he will write me off when i leave.

Comes with the turf.

Your Cheating Hitting Heart

2005-06-29T18:53:00.001+02:00

My fiance of 7 months has just told me he had cheated on me with his ex girlfriend.

I´d say that´s the least of your troubles right now.

Last weekend we "broke up" because he has some anger issues and hit me.

Why the quotation marks. Did you or didn´t you break up? (And if you didn´t, why not?)

I told him to leave my house and we got back together after a few days.

That must have been some crash course on anger management... Or is hitting not a deal breaker for you?

Last night he stayed out all night and I didn't know where he was. He came home and finially confessed that he was with the ex and had slept with her, not just last night, but last weekend when I "put him out" also. He told me he had to tell me the truth because he can't live a lie and loved me sooo much!

And he slept with her because he loves you sooo much too?

This OW has been a thorn in our relationship from the start, he just can't seem to let her go no matter how much he says he wants me and loves me now, she always seems to pop up in the picture too.

Because she gives good head?

I have even talked to her and she told me how my Fiance is such a dog and cheated on her so many times and she was done with him.

You didn´t hear correctly, she said that she was still done by him.

She even slept with his best friend to hurt him while he was with me, but he still chose to sleep with her again after that recently!

Because he´s... a dog?

He says he did it to hurt me like I hurt him by putting him out, but he hit me and I was truely scared!

But alas only temporarily.

What do I do?

Kick his ass to the curb? Get tested for STD´s?

I want to really believe him because he is so convincing and believable,

And of course a convincing act equals fact...

but at the same time i really don't know if he will really stop!

Whatever gave you that idea?!

am I just being a stupid idiot!

Uh, yes.

Love sometimes clouds the true view,

No, not love, just a skyscraper called stupidity.

I do love him and think he really loves me

What´s love got to do, got to do, got to do with it?

and maybe he has changed, advice,!

And maybe one day Elton John will become straight.

Why do you read this blog?
	I enjoy watching trainwrecks/automobile accidents.
	The letters remind me too much of my own life.
	It says the things I would say if I had any balls.
	Dunno...How did I get here anyway?
	Other (Comment below)

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