Hubby´s tuned out

I'm just not sure what to do with my husband. We have had two incidents of online infidelity (on his part) and the first one we worked through. The second one I have had a hell of a time getting past.

As you should. Once is bad enough, two is a pattern.

We started seeing a counselor and the first session was outstanding - I LOVED it. She pinned exactly what my problem was at the time - I belittled myself for feeling I had any right to still be angry with him when (in my mind) it could have been worse...

(ie. you were acting like a typical co-dependent.)

I'm giving myself permission to just feel what I feel now

which is?

and things were going good.

It helped you continue delude yourself.

And then...

That very same week while I was in the clouds...falling back into love with him like crazy...

He´s a smooth operator ain´t he?

he decides to break his word to me BIG TIME. He's always had honesty issues and integrity issues.

Cheaters always do.

His dad was in the banking business and was very smooth with words and "handling people." He definitely learned it there.

What else does that tell you... about the future for example.

And in his last marriages

marriages?! Can you say RED FLAG?!

it was "okay" because they just chose to ignore his lack of integrity.

And the reason those marriages broke up was?... (You really might want to ask...his ex-wives!!)

But it drives me NUTS. It's all or none when it comes to integrity, as far as I'm concerned - that's how I was raised.

Then why are you still with him?

We're trying to get the house ready for his kids to come visit (from a previous marriage) and I gave him a simple list of chores to do while I went to work.

I call to talk to him and he CHOSE to go into work because they called and asked if he would come in early. I was ON FIRE. We have such a limited amount of time to get things set up around here and I deserve to have his assistance with everything seeing as how they are HIS CHILDREN.

You told him, he chose not to do anything, just leave it be. You´re not his mom and you´re not his children´s mom. But no... you just can´t stand the idea of people thinking anything less than nice thoughts about you.

For some reason he feels an obligation to these people that he does not feel to me.

He figures he can always find another woman, but jobs are hard to come by.

I sit him down and we had a MAJOR talk about integrity and honesty and being one's word and I THOUGHT he got it.

All he did was nod and wonder when you´re going to shut up already.

Then I asked him to take the rent check over to the office today. The ONLY thing I asked him to do and I call him after he's gone to work and I'm AT work and he says he didn't take the check over.

Does he listen at anything you say anymore?

I'm sick of the chronic disrespect of this relationship and him thinking it's okay as long as he has a good enough excuse. I keep explaining to him the message I get when he does that stuff, but it doesn't seem to sink in.

Nagging never does.

I'm just sure what to do. Is this relationship worth staying for AT ALL?

Only you can know that.

On one hand - he is an incredible man. He is compassionate and caring and chivalrous and everything I ever wanted in a man

Where? Where? Where? All I see is a man who´s stopped caring a long time ago.

but the integrity issues are driving me up the wall.

This isn´t just about integrity honey, it´s about lack of any respect towards you.

I'm just not sure what to do.

You will as soon as you realize that you cannot change anyone, nobody can do that except themselves.