Sir Confused

I am a 40-year old man, and have been dating a 34-year-old woman for almost a year. I have been divorced two years, no children, and I'm really looking to get married again and hopefully still have a family.

Stupidity uh, Hope breeds eternal.

Having said that, my marriage and divorce was awful and I don't intend to go through that again so I'm being careful.

Are you now?

My girlfriend is perfect in almost every way - we have a lot in common, we want the same things, and we are mutually attracted to each other.

Wait a minute. Let me take a deep breath first. Sentences like these are usually followed by a but(t) the size of Texas.

The problem is she is seriously depressed. She told me she has been on medication for depression for years. I have decided she is worth the effort, and I have bent over backwards to show her that she can count on me, that she can still have a happy life, and that I'm serious about this.

There we go again. Another Knight Wannabe.

I have been giving, expecting and receiving little in return, for almost a year now, and I'm running out of gas.

Saving the world is losing its luster already? Tsk, tsk, they just don't make knights like they used to...

She knows this, and feels terribly guilty about it, which only serves to make things worse. I want to help but I don't know what else I can do at this point. She breaks into tears many times a day, she sleeps constantly, there is little affection between us, and almost no sex life.

It never fails to amaze me what people consider to be an almost perfect mate.

She sees a counselor occasionally, and there are plans to change her medication when circumstances allow it, but obviously there is no guarantee that things will ever change. When she is not crying, things are great.

How comforting to know that blatant denial is an equal opportunity act.

The rest of her family have been very supportive of me and appreciate what I have done and how hard this has been for me.

The payoffs of being the martyr. So sweet, so uplifting, so rewarding... so short-lived.

My main question is, how long do I continue to do this, knowing to some extent time is running out for me at 40 (please, no "men can have kids when they are 80" reasoning).

People who procreate after a certain age are either pathetic or senile.

I've done this so far because I thought she was worth it, but I've been burned before seing people the way I want them to be, rather than the way they really are.

Damn, that was a deep. Imagine if you'd actually put some of that self-reflection to use. You'd be dangerous.

Do people at her age and extent of depression recover enough to have happy lives?

Facing up to this illness and taking personal responsibility for its treatment is vital. Nothing you have written indicates this woman is facing up to anything, except her mildewed pillow.

Is there hope for her (us)?

Oh yeah, lots and lots of hope. Please, no thank you's. Just don't name any of your kids after me.

Is there anything else I can do to help her?

Yes. When she starts running to jump off from that 15 story building, make sure you get out of her way.