He´s A Macho

We've been married for almost 5 years and I am miserable. I think that I knew in my heart that he wasn't 'the one' right before the wedding, but I went ahead and got married anyway.

You´d be surprised how many people do this.

Big mistake. We don't even spend much time together, actually he doesn't really like to have fun or socialize. I am the opposite.

How on earth did you ever meet?

I have tried to have fun with him, but it hasn't worked.

Why would you marry a guy you can´t have fun with?

From the outside, our lives seem pretty good, we have a beautiful home and a beautiful daughter and are doing well financially.

Ahhh, that´s why.

But, inside I am dying.

Money can´t buy you happiness.

I think that I somewhat resent him.

Instead of resenting yourself for marrying him. Much easier.

He has strange ideals. He is old-fashioned when it suits him. He really wanted a family and asked me constantly when we were going to have a child. I was just past 30 and a lot of my friends were having children, and I really wanted a child myself, but I knew how I felt inside. (ie. that he wasn´t the right man to make a child with. If only people would listen to themselves they wouldn´t need the likes of Dear Abby.) However, we had our daughter just about a year ago. She is beautiful and the only thing that lights up my life!

So you married a macho who wants to keep you barefoot and pregnant. Which might sound sweet to some women, but here´s the reality of it:

He barely pays attention to her and it is my 'job' to take care of all of her needs. When he comes home, he will say how much he misses her and after his dinner, he will then hold her. Sometimes, I even get a break and he will feed her, although he seems tired of it before she can finish. If she cries, he looks at me...to tell him what is wrong. Then he is off to bed. Meanwhile, I do work and while I did expect to handle most of her care, I feel like his life hasn't changed a bit. If I want/need to go out, it's like I have to ask him to 'babysit'.

Typical.

He never takes me anywhere and I can't remember the last time he took me to dinner or the movies. He always leaves his dishes in the sink and just expects me to handle that too.

You´re just the breeding mare and house-slave.

I just assume go out when he comes home. We are barely intimate, as I have no desire. I feel like I am at the point of no return. I'm not in love with him and don't think I could ever get it back. He has a suspicious nature. He annoys me constantly.

Cheer up. It will get worst in time.

It would be hard to leave, both financially (even though I have always supported myself and do have my own money) and with a child. I really don't want to be a single mother, and I would have to work more and she would be stuck in daycare.

Being a single mom is very tough, and I certainly understand why one would choose comfort vs. spine. Just be sure you know what you´ll be choosing by staying this time.

I know that I should have thought of these things before.

You should have, yes.

But I'm not sure that I can justify staying in this non-existent relationship much longer.

Then go ahead. Just don´t have any illusions about whatever you will decide.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I was with someone different.

If you don´t change in some very definite ways, you´ll just end up with the same kind of guy.