How To Mindfuck Yourself

i dated a guy for five months. we are both the same age (32) ....physically

i noticed he really never wanted to talk about the past.

Or about those innocent-looking skeletons lurking in his closet.

he was set to think of the future; which i liked. he was doing well with his job and had just bought a condo.

Job+Condo = he must be marriage-minded.

i am my career as a teacher, but was going to film school at the time we started daing.
we were busy, but we made time for eachother.

Like any two people who have the hots for each other.

suddenly he began to get jealous, not trust me and question me.

And you realized that he was a psycho and gave him the slip.

i dropped out of film school and tried to prove to him that i would make time for us and think about a future together.

Huh? What did you get all that education for, if you were just going to abandon it for the first idiot who throws a hissy fit? Why even go to college, for that matter. You could have saved the money and bought some curtains for his condo.

he liked that. i became his buffer. he would complain about his job, his roommate. (what, no condo?) but he would never give me the time of day.

Of course not. You don't make time for your doormat.

i was confused.

You gave to get. You never communicated your expectations. Then realized that it doesn't work and you were simply confused?

we began having sex and i began doing little things for him. i then began questioning his love for me.

so i picked out this random dude and within record time i started making radical changes for him, so that he'll love me and be good to me forever. only i didn't tell him that. he was going to know by my huge sacrifices for him. but something went wrong....

he was never supportive and he would yell at me if i couldn't accept his busy schedule. he would make me feel bad about my body, then he said that he wanted me and only me.
i felt every time he did not want to deal with anything, we were breaking up. sometimes i felt he never wanted a girlfriend. at times i feel he manipulated me to think he wanted to be with me so he could have sex with me at his convenience.

the relationship was horrible but he said he really wanted to work things out.

I never cease to be amazed, how receptive certain broads are to mindfucking.

i had trouble trusting him, but i really loved him because things were so different at the beginning.

you see, if i only would wait long enough, that wonderful person he pretended to be in the beginning would come back.

he would just text message me. he never would talk to me. always text messages,

like"when you coming ho?" or "where are ya biatch?"

anyway, i was starting to run out of options to keep him so...

i decided to have anal sex;

i decided to give my a$$hole away and shit through my mouth.

which i was still skeptical. after that he only responded to me if i talked about sex. it was upsetting, but i wanted to have faith.

Excuse me there for a moment, while we're in the confessional mode: some guy from the newsroom heard me read your letter to the chicks from the fashion page and asked for your name, said something about wanting to meet you. I really didn't want to, but I owed favors. I'm sure you understand, eh?

he would call to check up on me, but we never did anything. never went out on dates. he would say he would make it up to me. i wanted to believe him. every time.

You poor Good Girl you. [pat, pat]

two weeks after we had anal sex, he said he felt guilty. he finally was telling me the truth about everything. how he could not make a committment and that he really didn't know what he wanted.

That's rather unusual for a mindfucker. He must have been feeling really cornered.

i screamed and told him all my anger about the entire relationship and that he would be just like his father, cheating on his wife. i told him all the horrible things i had thought and how strong i was to deal with his crap.

You weren't strong, you were stupid, and now you're blaming it on him so that you can feel better about yourself.

i told him it was crappy and that he will never know what a beautiful woman i am and how he took advantage of me.

He didn't take anything you didn't offer.

he felt guilty and then text messaged me that i will always be in his heart.

Translation: the nekkid pictures I did with my cell are making the rounds as we speak.

i hate this man. it's been two months now and my level of hating him has decreased, but i am in pain. i feel ashamed and bitter.

And as long as you're unwilling to see your role in this boring little affair, you'll continue to feel ashamed and bitter.

i've always had problems with men and now i don't think i can ever trust a man.

How can you, when you can't even trust yourself.