The Case Of The Disappearing Bf

I had been seeing my bf for a year and half when he disappeared. It had been 8 months and he calls me out of the blue yesterday, expecting all to be fine and dandy!

Please, please tell me that you´re joking...

Before I go into that it starts like this... He had been separated from his wife a long time when we began seeing each other.

Separated, not divorced. Huge difference.

During those 18 months I admit I enjoyed my time with him and was happy. And I was good to him. I fed him, gave him money when he needed it, ran a lot of errands, just to mention few of the many things I did for him.

Honey, are you sure this was a boyfriend and not some stray you picked off the streets somewhere?

Back in November we were to meet for lunch at a local restaurant.I waited and he never showed up. In fact he did not call and cancel our date. I never heard from him again until yesterday.

Didn´t you try to contact him?

Well a week after that incident, I discovered through friends he had moved back in with his wife!

It ain´t over till it´s over.

I felt like a fool, like I was being used and heartbroken.

He didn´t use you. You used yourself, by overgiving with out any clear communication, expectations or boundaries.

I mean, at least he should have called and told me and said, "It's over. I'm going back to my wife." I think it hurt worse when he disappeared without notice. Never called once!

You didn´t actually expect a little common decency did you?

I had to get through the holidays dealing with a broken heart. By the time spring came it seemed I had recovered and started to move on.

No you didn´t.

I'd like to point out since all that time I never dated anyone else--I never felt ready and I did not want a "rebound relationship" with someone--would not be fair.

Everything´s fair if it´s spelled right out in the open beforehand.

When he called yesterday it took me by surprise! Obviusly it didn't work out with his wife--he's left her and moved in with his son. So he is separated from her yet again.

I don´t know what´s worst. The fact that he thought it was ok to call you after this incredible stunt of flakiness or that you took his call!

But...guess what? He never once mentioned he had moved back in with his wife. He said he had been hospitalized a while because of an illness. He said he was "going through" some things." I was confused and angry that he suddenly called me after all this time.

Of course you put him in his place after that. Something appropriate, like "Fuck off and die, you dick!" [Click]

Yet I spoke to him politely.

Ugh.

Well he called again this morning! Now he said he wants to come over to talk things over.
But still no mention of his wife.

Don´t act so shocked honey. You teach people how to treat you and you´ve taught this man that you´re a pushover that just needs a little sweet talking.

So I asked him what made him leave me and not tell me why. He said, "i was just was going through rough times." (yeah,right!) he must think i'm a fool...

I wonder where he got that idea....

He SHOULD know what he did, even if I had not seen him in close to a year.

He knows, trust me. Do you?

Another thing...it is unreasonable to think he could come back to me and he can resume a relationship with me like nothing has never happened!!

If you have to ask...yes.

I must say things are NOT like they were before though I still care for him.

Hello? Hello Mcfly?!

Honestly i can never trust him again after he did what he did. I felt so betrayed.

No. Just outraged and ready to be placated with some sorry excuse.

My questions: Should I confront him about the fact he had moved back in with his wife? Obviously he thinks I don't know about that.

So when are you planning to tell him?

I have learned never to get involved with a married man until he is divorced and I will not repeat that mistake again.

At least. Something.

He says he still loves me. He even asked if I was mad at him! I am, but I didn't tell me that.
What would you do if you were in this situation? What should I say to him? Tell him to take a hike?

How can you even think of asking that you sorry excuse of a female? Take him back in and make him something to eat. He must be starving, that poor dawg.

I am an adult and want to handle this situation like one.

Yes. I can tell all the way from here.