He Cheated But Says He Loves Me

I'm stuck. I moved to the midwest from the east because I fell in love with this guy.

Not good.

Never, never move just because you feel in love with "this guy". Always ask your self, would I want to move and live there even if I wasn´t involved with this guy? What are the prospects for work there? Do I know this guy really, really well? Are we committed?

Or is your life, your work, your family and friends of so little importance, that you´re always ready to give them up for the first fool who´ll say he loves you.

This was a year ago. We started dating and things always felt a little uncomfortable. Sex was a little stifled and uneventful a lot and I would try to talk to him about it and he'd act like I was being silly. He kept saying everything was okay and he loved me.

One would think, that if you´d move for a guy, you´d at least move for a guy who´s good in bed...or at least has a lot of money.

Then I started noticing emails in his box when I walked by him from someone I knew to be his ex girlfriend. It drove me crazy and one night I KNEW he wasn't with his friends. I just KNEW he was with her. I kept wrestling with myself, doubting myself. Finally, one day I just looked in his email. Yup. He had been sleeping with her -apparantly having amazing sex judging by the emails - and even did a naked photo shoot with her.

And the reason you´re still with him is?

His automatic, unedited repsonse was that sex was hard with me and it was easy with her.

Well, send him back to her!

He also said he could be getting shallow in his old age. (I lost a great deal of weight so, even though I am a former model, I have some loose skin and slightly droopy, smaller breasts that seem to bother him.)

Old age has nothing to do with it. He´s shallow period.

He tried to lie his way out of it, then it came out that they had had an abortion at the end of their relationship and it had ended so tragically that it was never resolved.

Please tell him to spare you the tragic line. Barf.

He told me that he saw her as the end of something and me as the beginning of something.

Of what exactly? Because it doesn´t look like he´s ready to begin anything, except another relationship with her.

She knew we were dating and she even tried to help me regain his trust by sending a couple emails saying that he doesn't have those feelings for her and she was going to disappear from his life and I was supposed to "watch over him."

What are you, a friggin angel to watch over him?! She sounds like a real piece of work that one! "Ok, I´m finished with him for now, you can have his sorry ass again."

He is treating me a little differently now - being much kinder and more attentive (he had often been distant and insensistive the first time we tried). I also laid it all out - what I want and expect.

You can´t expect all you want...but he can´t give it to you.

He seems to understand and I can see he is trying very hard,

Newsflash: it shouldn´t be so hard!

but I felt like something was up again and snooped in his sent items and saw he had emailed her "take all the time you need, work through what you need to work through and when you are ready I look forward to seeing you again."

Yeah, yeah take your time, baby. Figure out if you´ll have me again, cause I really miss our hot fuck sessions!

I asked him about this and he said they were trying to see if they could be friends.

This is so wrong in so many levels, I don´t even want to get into it.

He says he is totally in love with me (and of course if he says it, it must be true...not!) and he has included me in his family - something he has done with no other girlfriend.

So? He´s still a lying cheating prick.

He also does sweet things like fix my computer and he even did my taxes. Of course, he misses the boat on other ways to show affection.

Hello?! You´re still not getting it. Of course he can´t, because he doesn´t love you, he loves her.

I think he is sincere in his feelings for me, (ha!) but he also seems to have trouble letting go of his lying and cheating ways. He even told me it was hard to change at his age - he's 40 and I'm 32 - but that it was possible.

Yeah.. the right woman, the right situation is going to cure me...and of course you instantly felt up to the task. No darling. No woman or situation can make him a decent man but himself!

I'm having trouble with my daily tasks and am getting really cluttered and unproductive because I obsess over this constantly. Why am I having a hard time letting go of this?

Because a small sane part deep inside you agonizes that you haven´t dumped him yet.