Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Dating Sites And The Bored Boyfriend

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Well about a year into our relationship I was using his computer and I accidently (my ass) hit the history button and saw all the websites he had been going to. One of them was a "dating" website.

Yawn. Was it at least a gay dating site?

When I started looking a little bit further I saw that he had been looking up girls that had profiles in our area and he even had a profile up that said he was "single and looking".

Of course. You don't go about setting profiles at dating sites if you aren't "looking" in some way or another.

I was furious and confronted him about it. He said it was just a stupid thing that he did when he was bored (?!) and he would never contact any of those girls and he would NEVER cheat on me.

And like a good, desperate girlfriend I believed that.

Of course he went off and said I had no right to be snooping.

So? Every cheater/liar says that. People, who have nothing to hide, could care less.

First, of all he is very shy and it is hard to believe that he would go out and cheat on me.

Oh really?

But the way I think of it, is why even bother putting up a profile if you are not interested. I thought he was just playing with fire. Anyways, I forgave him and told him not to do it again.

(fingerscrossing) Yes mom!

The day before yesterday he was using my computer and he left his email open. I know I should have not done it, but I looked in it really not expecting anything.


I saw that he had registered on match.com on a night that we had an argument. Needless to say I was furious. I looked him up on that site and it said once again that he was looking for "something casual, with no strings attached."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

While I was livid I registered on the website with a fake profile that I knew would interest him, since I know what he likes. I (as my fake profile) actually even sent him a note today that I was interested in him. I don't like playing games, and now that I have cooled off I am itching to say something to him.

Ok, so you go wail to him, "Wah, I found anoooother profile. How could you do this to me after I told you not to?" and he says "So? I was bored/pissed, it didn't mean anything....Wait minute, what were you doing snooping in stuff again. What the fuck's wrong with you? You better do something about that jealousy, girl, if you keep it up you'll make me got out on you for real!"

What will you say then?

He doesn't have any clue that I saw his email and I have been acting all sweet with him and asking if he loves me and is he really into our relationship, if he is bored.

You can quit patting yourself on the back, Miss Detective. Unless that's your usual (lame) way of acting, you're being anything but subtle.

I just don't get it, we hardly ever fight and I try to give him space when I sense he needs it and we just get along well.

ie. I am such a doormat, why would he go out on me when there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. Hell, I'd even go for a threesome if he asked me sweet enough. (But only if it were with another guy)

He treats me great and is loving, helps me with everything, is always calling me and coming over

...to check his e-mail and get some free nookie.

I don't want to get into a fight with him but I just can't drop this nagging feeling.

ie. Even I, in my infinite stupidity, can't deny it any longer...

I am tempted to see if he would go through doing something with my online alter ego and at the same time I just want to confront him about the whole thing...

Of course I could kick his ass to the curb too. But nah, way too simple, not enough drama.

Oh and I forgot to mention, once I saw the new website, I went to the original one that I caught him on and his profile is still up. He even added new pictures to the site and he even had the balls to add a picture that I took of him that I just LOVED. It pisses me off that he would use that picture to pick up other girls. I am fuming!!!

Go take a cold shower. It just might stimulate your undeveloped mental facilities.


At 8/30/2005, Blogger Grim Reaper said...

Life is too short, why do people waste their time and energy on people they can't trust????

At 8/30/2005, Blogger LuAnnBB said...

Just curious as to if dear not Abby has even been cheated on, what his/her reaction was, or if they just enjoy making sardonic comments on other people's letters?

At 8/31/2005, Blogger Vixen said...

How about you just chill and stop being such a sourpuss.

Very well said Abby. She should have gone with her intuition from the very beginning.

At 8/31/2005, Blogger (Not) Dear Abby said...

If the girl would have had any balls whatsoever, she would have left him the very moment he uttered his ludicrous excuse, of checking out other women "because he was bored".

If she would have a shred of intelligence, she wouldn't be writing for advice after finding the second profile and his updated first one...she'd be too busy moving on!

For some it may be sarcastic or even mean to point this out. To me it's telling it like it is.

At 9/01/2005, Blogger Arc said...

You're going to find more than a few who are going to make negative comments about the letters and your responses..such is the nature of blogging.

However, you will also find many, like myself, who enjoy it! You say what many think but don't have the balls to say.

That said, I agree with you 100%...if she stuck around after her discoveries and the excuses then whatever comes after she deserves.

Eagerly awaiting your next post!

At 9/02/2005, Blogger Donna said...

some people are clueless..... they need someone to hit them upside the head with a 2x4 (with nails).

At 9/20/2006, Blogger Kelly said...

i think sometimes it's the "challenge" that keeps people like this in relationships!

maybe the guy has a hard time breaking up with people??

At 1/02/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Same thing happened to me- I dumped him the day I found out -without discussing it. Just sent an e mail saying it was over & I didn't want to communicate with him again. I figure that if a guy is so dishonest as to have a profile on a dating site when he's in a long term relationship and telling his girl he loves/adores her etc - there's not a hope in hell that relationship will ever work - whatever feeble excuses he can come up with for being on the site. I can think of few better ways a guy could demonstrate that he does not want to be with a girlfriend than to do this!

At 11/13/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's funny how Abby set the mood and led the way for all of her brainless followers to attack this girl. If she had been friendly and sympathetic they all would be too. Going through this myself at the moment and I'm fairly sure I'm not "a moron". Hope everything worked out with this girl.

At 3/01/2009, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If he said he was just bored, why did he put on a picture and a profile. The jerk was looking for something It happened to me too. And the idiot asked me to marry him and tolkd me he loved me all the time. We all deserve better. You will never be able to fully trust him, he will just hide his mail somewhere else. Think about aids, stds, that should help you to figure he's not worth it!

At 1/19/2010, Blogger universityloveconnection said...

I was going to write a similar blog concerning this topic, you beat me to it. You did a nice job! Thanks and well add your RSS to come categories on our blogs. Thanks so much, Jon B.dating website

At 3/06/2010, Blogger (Not) Dear Abby said...

Going through it once doesn't make a person a moron. Going through it twice certainly does.

Any more than that and you might want to ask someone to put you out of your misery.

At 3/07/2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I myself just left a man for good, because of the same reason. I caught him on tagged.com.. He said he was just on there because he has no friends, and he can only relate to other women. I tried believing him, even though my intuition was telling me otherwise. I was making myself sick trying to force myself that I could ever trust him. I left him for a few days to think about things, and sure enough he had signed up for another dating site while I was away. You CANNOT have a relationship when you don't completely trust someone. I lost 30 pounds from feeling so sick and trying to convince myself that he was not a lying ass****. Needless to say, I left him for good last week, it's like a huge weight has been lifted. I know that I deserve so much better, and so do you. Please take my advice.. just because they are sweet to you and tell you that they love you doesn't condone them going out looking for something better. YOU are better than that. Damn right. Ditch the LOSER.I did and I feel wonderful now. :)

At 3/26/2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going through a similar thing too. We are in councelling and hoping we can get a grip on this, good luck but without help it will always be the same arguement. He's put out tons of cash out for a councellor, so I hope he's truthful when he says he'll never cheat on me , and that he would leave me first before he went for another woman.

At 9/08/2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going throught the samething, I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and I do alot for him, but anyway this past weekend thing just didnt feel just right for some reson so i started looking around on some sites and there he was right out in the open saying he was looking for a outgoing women for long term.At that point I was about to blow my top, So i sent him a text asking him about it.At first he started to say he did this to see if i was snooping then he went on to give me 5 other resons, he is out away from home alot for work so he was trying to say he was bored then it was I make him sound like other men.then he told me I was not outgoing but I am, He doesnt think outgoing is a personality type he thinks its daily activities type! He did take the ones I seen down but he keeps saying he was trying to amuse hisself!! All I can think is wow he thinks I was born last night.

At 10/18/2010, Blogger Rebecca said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 7/06/2011, Anonymous Dating Sites said...

You have done very well.......!!There are lots of online dating sites, you can join any of them and can find a perfect match for you. You have done good job.........Keep it up.........!!

At 9/05/2011, Blogger sillygirl said...

Just caught my boyfriend of five months on a new dating site on his smart phone picture of him password user name. We had previously gone to two counciling sessions. He told me he wanted tonsure me was even looking at rings. Said he loved me more than anyone ever( he's been married twice) booth wives mysteriously left each in 3 yrs of marriage. Not to mention he would hold me and rub my hair and say how beautiful I was when he was married to the second wife. We even made out once. He said she was such a bitch that's why he did it. Now he's doing it to me. First and last married guy I'll ever give a minute to. Ps there separated now so he's with me. Until 2 days ago when I saw the dating site. I'm Sigurd and confused a's to why a person would lie like that.

At 10/06/2011, Blogger leading said...

to find a boyfriend

If you are looking for how to find a boyfriend just visit us and know about the tacts and ways to know how to find a boyfriend and how to satisfy your soulmate. You can find dating tips articles alongwith tips on how to find a boyfriend. Here you can know how to get him and how to make him happy with you and to keep him with you in a long term relation of pleasure.
To find a boyfriend

Bye Bye take care

At 10/24/2011, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just got out of a relationship with a man that I kept finding on dating sites. Three times actually. I wanted to believe him so badly...of course he'd tell me it wouldn't happen again, blah, .blah, blah. He continued telling me he loved me and was even talking marriage. How the hell do you trust someone like that though? I loved him, but he's completely addicted to the Internet. Dating sites, porn, online RPG...it wasn't ever going to change. If you encounter a man like this, RUN!!! FAST!!! He's 44 and has been addicted to the Internet since before most of us knew it existed!!!!

At 10/28/2011, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This has been a brilliant thread. I have been having same prob with my boyfriend. We did have a short period of separation during the summer during which he signed up to numerous dating sites and spent a fortune on webcams. But we got back together some months ago now and are just about to move into new property together but he has still not deleted his profiles which are still listed as active. I deleted all my online stuff within weeks of meeting him 2 years ago.

He also uses the excuse of "being bored" and denies now using them but wont delete the profiles "because its so difficult and hasnt got round to it yet". Yeah right its very hard to click "remove account".

Reading this thread has made me realise just how thick I have been.

He has also been "looking aftre" our moving money including mine which I now feel a total dumb idiot for giving him in the first place.

And if what he says is true then he just an insecure dumb idiot that I dont wanna be with anyway.

At 12/06/2011, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I caught my boyfriend of 6 months who just moved in with me and my kids 10 weeks ago on match.com. He claims he wasnt doing anything wrong. I so wish women would start telling the world who these men are.Mine was a 38 year old tulsa firefighter.Great looking good catch, total liar and cheater. He wasnt looking to leave me, he was looking to play women on there for sex. He wasnt expecting to get caught.

At 2/13/2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! yeah i'm going through this crap right now!
few years back i caught him on a dating site and gave him the benefit of the doubt. now after he left his e-mail on before leaving for work ive found several!!!
life will be tough but his ass is getting kicked to the kerb...hope he likes being homeless stupid bastard!!
i guess the 7 year itch really exsists!!!

At 3/06/2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see this is a common thing...a friend of mine found my bf of 2 years on adult friend finder. He used to just have pics of his junk on there, but upgraded it to his face. That was how he got caught. He had a full profile detailing what he liked to do in bed and how he was looking for single women and couples to satisfy his desire. When I confronted him, he said he was on there before I met him and I didn't have the right to tell him to get off. He had a lot of "friends" on there. We have been fighting bitterly since. I've been devastated since and can't get over it. He said he "turned" off his profile but hasn't gotten around to deleting it yet. (as another poster said...how hard is it to hit the delete button?) Recently, when he found out that I was planning to leave he told me he deleted his profile and wants to move forward. Like a moron, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. really, it is just buying me time so that I can get myself situated. I dont' believe that he has "changed" and I don't believe he ever will....although, it is good to pretend for a while...

At 3/23/2012, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I met my guy on afroromance. He is in Chicago. He tells me he went back on the site to see if i was back on. He is lying and doesn't know that i know he is chatting with other women. His ass is out of the door. I am in kansas city its close enough for this ass to not cheat on me.

At 1/23/2013, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he i caught him on dating sites. I'm so upset, sick and depressed right now..omg. how could he do this to me. I'd been faithful and loyal to him. Well I guess I have to call it quits now. He never deserves someone like me at all.

At 1/31/2013, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going through exactly the same thing, I actually met my guy on a dating site, we hit it off from the minute we met & everything was great. He continually sent me messages telling me how amazing it is having me in his life, I make him happy, he misses me etc etc. I deleted my profile within days of meeting him & he said he would do the same, however we are now at the stage where I had a sneaky suspicion he was actively using his profile again, yip he was & I could see when he was online, I set up a fake profile & he fell hook line & sinker & even arranged to meet me, I cancelled last minute though as couldn't go through with facing him just yet, best of it was he told the fake me he was up for a meet that night yet he told the real me he was away on a business trip. He is now away again on business & whilst he's away, again he is still online but not talking to the fake me, I can eat or sleep & don't know how I'm going to confront him or what to say when he returns, please help! Why can't men just be honest, he's still away & emails saying how much he misses me, WTF! HELP, going out of my mind with worry, dont want to loose him.

At 6/10/2013, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just caught my boyfriend doing the same thing, though someone found him for me..lol. Kicked his butt to the curb too, we need a site to list men that do this!!! Anyway, he tried to lie about it, said he wasn't actually communicating with anyone yet when my friend found him on the site it said he'd been online on that site for an hour. Also he tried to tell me that the profile had been set up before we met but there was a recent pic on there that was taken after we'd gotten together. So it was bs. Not wasting my time on him. If your guy does this get rid of him unless you are into drama and torture!!

At 7/17/2013, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Addiction to dating sites is common with men who get bored easily and are narcissists.if u are in a relationship and find your partner using one finish it..he willtry and make excuses but this is just more lying..always always follow your gut feeling.

At 8/01/2013, Blogger I deserve better said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 8/01/2013, Blogger I deserve better said...

You are So right and its us codependant women who fall for these types. We want someone to love us unconditionally but the only thing these men are capable of loving is themselves!! Im sure my bf also has borderline personality disorder. Porn addiction and alcoholic...trust me im just saving money then running as fast as i can!!!

At 1/23/2014, Blogger devid mark said...

I actually enjoyed reading through this posting. Many thanks.
Free dating sites, totally free dating sites, 100% free online dating, free single dating, free online dating

At 2/17/2014, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks so much ladies, i couldnt believe how common this is for beautiful ladies with cheating scumbags.
I'm in the same boat.. Dated 3 years. Caught him last year on the app grindr and confronted him. He panicked and made up a crap excuse. He then apologised and begged for my forgiveness saying it'll never happe

At 2/21/2014, Blogger Annie R said...

I'm in he same boat! Met a guy on match com ronzone17. I have been with him for 9 months and he is still on website. My story is just like the rest! Why can't I kick him to the curb?

At 2/23/2014, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was a theraputic read! yep, I'm glad I only wasted a few months...I did the fake profile thing too---AMAZING! He wanted me to forgive him for an "innocent" mistake! INNOCENT? It was PURPOSEFUL!!
What girl puts up with being the girlfriend while their man is online, in public ADVERTISING they are single and available! There is the message--loud and clear! There are GOOD men out there and we deserve better--no need to settle! good luck to all!

At 4/15/2014, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Same here. Similar story. Mingle2 newyearnewlove. Pathetic!


Post a Comment

<< Home