December Loves May

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other on and off for 3 years. I am 26 and he is 49,

What's the problem, are you too ugly to get one of your own age?

but we have lots in common and I really don't feel the age gap most of the time.

Except when we´re in bed and he has trouble getting an erection.

We didn't have a very good year as we broke up twice and in June, (we weren't together then), I went and kissed a younger guy (he's about 21) when I went on holidays.

Who happened to be my kid brother.

So now I sometimes feel I want to try to be with a guy my age, just to test the waters...

I want to find out if it's true that a young one can do it two times in a night.

it felt good that I could just walk down the street with him and kiss in the middle of the street without thinking of anything. I don't do that with bf because I don't want him to be seen as an old pervert.

I don´t want people to think I was so desperate for a guy that I settled for an old pervert.

I love my bf and he is so crazy about me. The other problem is that these few days I don't enjoy kissing anymore. I used to like it when he kissed my ear but now I just don't feel like being licked that way. I am also not really interested in sex. I don't get turned on, even when I look at some erotic images or just watch sex scenes in movies (they used to turn me on), but I think that could be something to do with the Pill.

After the 21 year old, my boyfriend suddenly started reminding me of (ugh) my dad, but I don't want to admit that I don't want him anymore so I blame my disgust on the Pill.

I am guessing that we're just suddenly being too intense. We've been seeing each other almost everyday. I feel I need to breath and just chill out at home on my own.

I wanna bet you wouldn't say that if he was a hot looking 25 year old. You'd be writing and whining to me about "ooooh why can't he commit".

I get such mixed feelings because I want to be with him yet I want to be on my own.

I want to break up with the old boy, but I don't want to look like I'm superficial, ya know what I mean?

Also, the way he is so crazy about me makes me want to distance myself.

Desperation is never sexy.

I feel angry that I feel this way, maybe it is just PMS.

PMS doesn't last all month long, but denial does.

I have such mixed feelings, I don't know how to resolve them.

You don't want to.