To Love And To Cherish

I am married to a man that can be the sweetest person you'd ever want to meet.

..which is just a playact to hide the mean fucker he really is.

The problem is that after we were married for a few months he began to sexually and mentally abuse me. I won't go into great detail about it. I'll just say that even when I made it very clear that I didn't want sex, he made sure that he got it.

I can only imagine how much horror lies behind that understatement.

He made me feel so horrible that I would just give in and lay there to take my medicine. It was a very demeaning and terrifying experience.

Rape usually is.

After some serious arguing, I finally got him to see that he had to stop. It slowly subsided. It has been months since it last happened.

Sweety, while the abuse is not happening in the way it use to, I'm willing to bet it's still taking place in another form. Those things just don't stop just because of an argument.

He is going to go to counseling when his insurance at his new job goes in effect. (He is bipolar, by the way.)

Councelling is not enough. Bipolar persons often need meds to control their condition, meds which many times they refuse or suddenly stop taking, because they miss the high they used to have, as their condition was on the upswing.

It's difficult to be them or to live with them at the best of times, but one should expect, even from them, a minimum adherance to the law, and the law clearly states that rape is wrong. People who don't comprehend this simple fact need to be sent to a correctional facility until they DO.

It all seems like it should be getting better now... but it isn't.

Are you kidding me? Sometimes a lifetime is not enough to get over rape.

I am trying my very best to let go of the pain but it is still there. I've lost all desire to have sex with him.

Completely normal, I would say.

He was very understanding for a while. Now it has been going on a month since we have slept together and he's getting impatient. The last two days he's been asking me how long it is going to take me to get over this.

This man has no concept of what he's done to you. If he really did, he would have been willing to do anything to make it up to you, including chopping his own dick off.

I'm very sure that I would have left by now if I didn't have a baby who is due for heart surgery in a month. I'm an emotional time bomb these days. The thing that eats at me the most is that I allow the abuse. Why would any woman knowingly allow a man to hurt her over and over again?

Because she loves her child more than anything and is so frightened out of her mind that she has convinced herself there is no way out?

A few nights ago he kept me up until around 3AM arguing about why I just don't get over what he's done. AND... why I just won't give him some. He did the very same thing the next night. He makes me feel horrible and exhausts me so much until I say "HERE! JUST TAKE IT!!!" I know he knows how to get his way. He knows that I will do that because I just can't take any more.

Yes.

How is that fun? What is such a turn on about the woman you supposedly love being turned away from you and crying because she doesn't know whether to throw up or cut your penis off?

I have no idea either, but maybe some sicko out there can explain it for us.

Once the surgery is over, I'm not sure what will happen. Will I be so stuck in the "victim" cycle that I will stay?

This is completely up to you.

I just want to run out of here screaming at the top of lungs and running over everything in my path. I couldn't do that anyway. The only time I'm allowed to leave by myself is to get groceries!

Life doesn't have to be this way unless you want it too. You do have a choice. As soon as you feel able, take some extra change with you and call here.

--

PS. This letter departs from the usual parade of dumb fucks, for the simple reason, that the person who answered this letter simply advised the woman and her husband to get councelling. "If both of you are in treatment all of this can be worked through, sorted out and forgiven. You can go forward if you choose to. It will take time, patience and work on both your parts though."

Just reading that even messed me up.

Hello Ms. Psychologist, Award Winning Author and Esteemed Guest on Radio and TV-shows?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Rape is a crime! And I don't care if the rapist is the "woman's husband", it's a CRIME. Councelling is NOT a cure it all, except maybe for the councellor's wallet.

"Get councelling" was the last thing this woman, who is clearly at the END of her rope, needed to read.