Married To Roger Rabbit

My husnand has a serious problem, he likes to watch porn.

But that's the least of your troubles isn't it.

I caught him having internet sex with someone several times. When i confronted him with this he got angry.

Excuse me, he got angry? So what did you do? Say "I'm so sorry I barged in on your cyberfucking sessions, I should have knocked?"

What hurts me is I just had a miscarriage and could not have sex. I asked him why? Is it me? He then said that he would like to have sex 3 to 4 times a day. Then i told him ok i will try,

Spoken like a true disgrace to the female gender.

but i also told him i work mon-fri 8-5, we have 4 kids together, 9,6,2,1 (those are the ages),

Jesus lady, ever heard of birth-control?

when i come home i am feeding them, cleaning, washing, ironing clothes for the next day and making sure there homework is right and finished properly, while he is sitting on the couch.

Sorry. Can't feel sorry for you. Your fault for picking out a lazy bum and making so many kids with him.

I then told him that this is cheating, he then laughed at me.

Of course. He knows better than to take your weak admonition seriously.

I am hurt also cause he wants a threesome.

Cry baby.

I don't know why he does this.

It doesn't matter why. The question is are you finally going to grow some balls and kick him out or not?

I am not out of shape, i have a body like Beyonce,

and a mind like Britney Spears.

I think that is good for having 4 kids.

Stupid breeds eternal.

He Knows If You've Been Sleeping...

Not That Into You

My boyfriend smokes pot everyday throughout the day. Has no sex drive and all he wants to do is sit infront of the computer and play some dumb game or chat with online buddies from his game. He has no friends, never goes out and never wants to do anything but sit there and do nothing.

And you've met...how again?

Today he told me that he's not into me anymore and that the fire that he had for me is gone. i know that the best thing to do is for us to end this relationship but knowing that he's not into me is killing myself esteem.

So instead of walking out with at least some dignity left intact, you'll continue to glue on to him like a leech until he calls the cops.

Is it possible that pot smoking and the fact that he seems depressed is making him feel that he's not into me and is pushing me away?

So fucking what. It's not your problem to solve.

Or is it really the fact that i'm not attractive enough to have him want to make love to me?

Newsflash: You can't make everybody love you. Not even Jesus managed that.

He says he feels pressure by me. The times that we've had sex he's penis is not hard enough and he ejaculates quickly leaving me unsatisfied. I feel so terrible...this is hurting myself esteem....

Yes sweety, keep throwing quarters in that broken vending machine. God forbid, it might occur to you that there are perfectly functional vending machines right around the corner.

Can the pot be affecting his libido so much that makes him not want me?

The thought that a guy might just not want you anymore, (even if he's just one of the worlds biggest losers), must be really scary to you, huh?

He even told me i should find someone else because i deserve better...

The lights are on but nobody's home.

Christmas Shopping Fun

Christmas is coming and i wanted to get my husband the Xbox 360. I was going to go stand in line at best buy at 3 a.m. but i heard that people were already in line at 4:00 pm to camp out all night for the xbox 360...so i resorted to ebay...

Oh, oh...

i was watching the bids and i placed one. i hit pay in the heat of it and authorized my credit card to pay it..my final cost was $760.00..they sell in the store for $400.00 plus tax...omg i know...

Yes. Oh my God...but not the fucking end of the world.

Well, i mistakenly left up the ebay screen and my dh seen it and said "i see an astronomical amount of money bid on the xbox, i hope you did not do this because i would never pay that much money, you need to cancel that bid" i said i already paid for it...oh why did i do that?!

Well why shouldn't you? What do you have to fear? Unless of course your husband is an emotionally abusive control freak.

Anyway, i tried to cancel, i tried contacting the seller, no response yet.

The seller would be have to be extremely silly or exceedingly kind to return that kind of money. It's not a commendable practice but you could chargeback if you are desperate enough...

We were supose to have "family day" dinner and king kong movie w/kids, daughter 14, son 16 (on zoloft)

On anti-depressants already, ey? But then again living everyday in an atmosphere of pent up anger and fear, for years, can do that to a kid.

My husband kept saying, "I would never pay that much..did agree that we would go together and shop for a gift for eachother like a movie camera so that we can have it for christmas and vacations, (and amateur porn scenes...)?" It was totally upsetting to everyone, the kids just sat around w/no expressions on their faces...

They are clearly used to this.

I lost it and was so sick to my stomach, i threw up in the bathroom, but all my husband could do was sit there and state over and over again that I should not have made such a stupid purchase.

Lovable fellow you have there.

I said to him , "stop already, no matter what you say, it's not going to change the fact that i did it, now let me try and undo it..." Anyway, an hour passed and he was like, lets go to the movies..well, the mood was null and void...the kids did not want to go, my son said , "You are not the one that has to take medication!"

What he forgot to add was: "But you are the one who should!"

I cant' take it, it's too emotional. that was the last my husband said anything...he left a check on the table and said to pay my credit card, it was the amount of the xbox..now after everyone got upset, he says "what ever happens happens" ...ok, i was wrong, BUT, he should not have carried on to so upset the kids like that...

So what are you going to do about it? (Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you're planning to grow a spine any time soon.)

i know how he felt, he did not have to pound it in my chest..which by the way was so heavy , i could not breath...i know i'm wrong, believe me, i will never bid on ebay again...

This has nothing to do with Ebay.

Seems like there are always holidays that i can say oh yeah, that was the Helloween that husband was mad at me for someting or other or oh yeah, that was the Christmas that husband opened his presents like they meant nothing, opened up a wallet and said oh, a wallet and put it aside.

One would say a no-brainer. Simply stop buying him presents right? But you can't, can you? You need his approval to be happy and the longer he withholds it, the more expensive the gifts get...

i know he doesn't mean to blow ...i know i was wrong...he had every right to be mad at me, we did discuss not getting anything for each other that we would shop and get a camera or something...i screwed up...

Yes, you're right! I'm an awful, disgusting human being for wanting to make you happy and I realize this now, but please, PLEASE can we go back to being lovey dovey again? I can't STAND it when people are mad at me...

We are so stressed and depressed right now.

Gotta love the holidays.

Horse & Carriage

I am twenty years old and have been married for one year and 2 months.

Haven't you ever wondered why there is a law that says you can't drink unless you are 21...but any teenaged snot can get married and/or have kids?

My husband is currently out of the country, he is visiting his girlfriend, in europe. I know about this girlfriend, i talk to her on the phone, she even stayed with us for six weeks, last year, we got married at city hall while she was visiting.

A girlfriend. One that you knew about before you got married and obviously approved. So what's the problem?

She doesnt know we are married.

Huh? Didn't you just state you guys got hitched while she was staying over your place? What did you guys do, sneak off to city hall for an hour while she was visiting the museums?

Even his friends dont know we are married. I feel like things are backwards. like i am the woman he tries to hide.

Because he's already married?

Why did i marry him? Cause i am madly in love with him.

What I want to know is why did he marry YOU?

He told me he loved me, he said many things. A year later i find out that if it came down to it, he would chose her over me. Knowing this, i still stay with him. i feel like i screwed up big time.

Don't be so hard on yourself sweety. Brain damage, especially of the severe kind such as yours, cannot possibly be your fault... unless you've spent your formative years banging your head on a wall regularly.

I am the one who shares his bank account, who shares his bed, who puts up with him, who takes care of him. His friends are finally starting to figure out what is going on between us, and they wonder how i can put up with it, calling me a strong person.

I don't know how to break this to you, my dear child, but I'm afraid what they are really saying is "Lucky bastard! Why can't we find a stupid cunt like that?"

I sometimes feel like im his mistress, and hes trying to lie to about our marriage. its not supposed to be like this right?

Well if you must ask...

Im beginning to wonder what my purpose is. i dont know if he just keeps me around so he wont be lonely, and so he knows their will always be someone to sleep with.

Maybe. But he didn't have to marry you for that now, did he... So tell me. Did the guy have a green card before you two met?

Im his wife i deserve respect, dont i?

Tut tut..."respect", where did you ever hear a grown up word like that?

I want to be happy, and these days hes been gone, i have realized that maybe i have convinced myself to be happy. i would do anything for this man. he goes out with his friends, and drinks, i dont complain. when he comes in stumbling drunk, and puking, i take care of him, and do so much for him. but he just doesnt love me, i dont think he ever did. but i cant stop loving him, i have tried so hard.

Are those violins that I'm hearing?...

i dont want to be divorced at the age of 20. i meant what i said, i meant my wedding vows.

Yes, I'm sure you did, you sad twit. Did you also understand what they mean?

i do miss the fact that i did not have a wedding, but every time i think i want to leave, he does something or says something that changes my mind, i just cant leave him, i physically cant.

What? You have spinal injury too?!

Hes been gone for 15 days, and is coming back in 4 days, and i tried to pack up and leave, and every time i started, i broke down crying, and couldnt do it. i would look at our bed, and remember the times we had there. i cant even sleep at night, cause hes not with me. but, hes overseas sleeping just fine. its not fair, it really isnt.

It's not fair either, that I have to live with those overwelming urges to bitch-slap you for being the most insipid little whiner on the face of the earth. But that's life.

i talked to him last nite, and i said something along the lines of, "you havent seen me in 15 days" and he responded, " i know, thank GOD, i havent had to see you" so i told him if thats what he wanted, i could be gone before he got back, and he said he didnt want me to go.

Of course not. He has to get his green card first.

What is wrong with me?

Too much oxygen.

How To Get Promoted

I'm 23 and dating a man who is 39.

Because my father ran off when I was 2.

It is a big age gap, but he is very young looking and so far the age gap hasn't got in the way.

I wear so much make up that people think I'm 30 anyway.

He's divorced with 2 kids. This isn't a problem for me.

It's not like he ever really sees them.

However, in the beginning he told me that he doesn't believe in anything after divorce. As far as he's concerned, if a marriage fails, then he shouldn't continue with serious relationships.

This is menspeak for "I just want a fuckbuddy."

This concerns me, because it's as if he's trying to tell me that he doesn't want our relationship to go anywhere.

Let me guess. You don't comprende menspeak.

Or is he just saying that he wants to take things slow?

Please, don't overexert your brain like this, it's not used to it. Unlike womenspeak, menspeak rarely has any hidden meanings.

Things are going well but I don't want to smother him too much and make him feel like I'm getting too close, so he ends up pushing me away.

Put the musket down slowely and back off NOW. You're NOT on an expedition in Kenya. You're NOT trying to catch a rare kind of elephant for your zoo back at home. STOP wasting your time trying to make a man get serious, when he clearly says he's not.

What can I do to show how much I like him and appreciate him without pressuring him?

What you're really asking is:

How do I get a guy to commit after he's clearly told me that he's just in it for the sex?

Hon if I knew how to do this I wouldn't be sitting here laughing at you; I'd be doing readings for Madonna at 20.000$ an hour.

I really like him. He said in a phone call last week that he loves me, which was a shock.

I love you = I want to marry you NOT.

He has suggested we go away on holiday together soon, which to me suggests that he wants to move things on...

In what way does wanting to go away on a holiday with one's bone-picker suggests that one wants a commited relationship?

Any advice??

Sure. Keep living your life on the premise of such intangibles as "suggest" and "assume" and I guarantee you, it won't be just your tush that will keep getting hairy.

Back. Now With Even BIGGER Morons...

Just when you thought it was safe to procreate again...

I'M DATING A MARRIED MAN AND I WANT TO STOP!

OK, I KNOW WHAT YALL THINKING BUT ITS NOT LIKE THAT! HE'S MY BEST FRIENDS BROTHER AND HE HANGOUT WHERE I HANGOUT AT.

I USE TO SEE THIS GUY WAY BEFORE HE GOT MARRIED BUT I STOP TALKING TO HIM. I HAVENT TALK TO HIM IN OVER A YEAR, SO WHEN I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL HE WANTED TO TALK BACK TO ME BUT I DIDNT GIVING HIM THE TIME OR DAY.

SO ANYWAY I FINALLY GAVE HIM MY # AND HE WOULD CALL AN CALL BUT I WOULD NEVER GO OUT WITH HIM BECAUSE I WASNT INTERESTED IN HIM AND I STILL KNEW HE WAS MARRIED. UNTIL ONE DAY I FINALLY WENT OUT WITH HIM. IT WAS COOL AT THE BEGINNING AND THAT WAS 3MONTHS AGO AND NOW IT'S LIKE I WANT TO GET OUT THE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I'M UNHAPPPY.

OH I FORGOT TO MENTION HE HAS 3 KIDS 1 BY HIS WIFE AND ANOTHER ONE BEFORE HIS WIFE AND THE OTHER BY A GIRL HE CHEATED ON WHILE HE WAS MARRIED.

HE'S CONTENT WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT I'M NOT. I DONT KNOW IF HE STILL SEEING HIS BABYMOTHER WHO ALSO LIVE WHERE I BE. I'M KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT IM GOING TO STOP CALLING HIM AND I DID ONE TIME BUT HE CALLED AND WE TALK AND I STILL SEE HIM.

THIS IS NOT ALL BUT I DONT WANT TO TAKE TO MUCH OF YOUR TIME. WHEN I DONT CALL HIM I THINK ABOUT HIM AND WHAT HE DOING WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND WHEN WE ARE TALKING IM STILL THINKING ABOUT THE SAME STUFF.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!