Dating Sites And The Bored Boyfriend

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Well about a year into our relationship I was using his computer and I accidently (my ass) hit the history button and saw all the websites he had been going to. One of them was a "dating" website.

Yawn. Was it at least a gay dating site?

When I started looking a little bit further I saw that he had been looking up girls that had profiles in our area and he even had a profile up that said he was "single and looking".

Of course. You don't go about setting profiles at dating sites if you aren't "looking" in some way or another.

I was furious and confronted him about it. He said it was just a stupid thing that he did when he was bored (?!) and he would never contact any of those girls and he would NEVER cheat on me.

And like a good, desperate girlfriend I believed that.

Of course he went off and said I had no right to be snooping.

So? Every cheater/liar says that. People, who have nothing to hide, could care less.

First, of all he is very shy and it is hard to believe that he would go out and cheat on me.

Oh really?

But the way I think of it, is why even bother putting up a profile if you are not interested. I thought he was just playing with fire. Anyways, I forgave him and told him not to do it again.

(fingerscrossing) Yes mom!

The day before yesterday he was using my computer and he left his email open. I know I should have not done it, but I looked in it really not expecting anything.

Liar.

I saw that he had registered on match.com on a night that we had an argument. Needless to say I was furious. I looked him up on that site and it said once again that he was looking for "something casual, with no strings attached."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

While I was livid I registered on the website with a fake profile that I knew would interest him, since I know what he likes. I (as my fake profile) actually even sent him a note today that I was interested in him. I don't like playing games, and now that I have cooled off I am itching to say something to him.

Ok, so you go wail to him, "Wah, I found anoooother profile. How could you do this to me after I told you not to?" and he says "So? I was bored/pissed, it didn't mean anything....Wait minute, what were you doing snooping in stuff again. What the fuck's wrong with you? You better do something about that jealousy, girl, if you keep it up you'll make me got out on you for real!"

What will you say then?

He doesn't have any clue that I saw his email and I have been acting all sweet with him and asking if he loves me and is he really into our relationship, if he is bored.

You can quit patting yourself on the back, Miss Detective. Unless that's your usual (lame) way of acting, you're being anything but subtle.

I just don't get it, we hardly ever fight and I try to give him space when I sense he needs it and we just get along well.

ie. I am such a doormat, why would he go out on me when there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. Hell, I'd even go for a threesome if he asked me sweet enough. (But only if it were with another guy)

He treats me great and is loving, helps me with everything, is always calling me and coming over

...to check his e-mail and get some free nookie.

I don't want to get into a fight with him but I just can't drop this nagging feeling.

ie. Even I, in my infinite stupidity, can't deny it any longer...

I am tempted to see if he would go through doing something with my online alter ego and at the same time I just want to confront him about the whole thing...

Of course I could kick his ass to the curb too. But nah, way too simple, not enough drama.

Oh and I forgot to mention, once I saw the new website, I went to the original one that I caught him on and his profile is still up. He even added new pictures to the site and he even had the balls to add a picture that I took of him that I just LOVED. It pisses me off that he would use that picture to pick up other girls. I am fuming!!!

Go take a cold shower. It just might stimulate your undeveloped mental facilities.

Brotherly Love

I just want to know if I am being to jealous, insecure, or just down right insane.

Or all three.

So I went away to Lake Tahoe with my boyfriend, his sister and my cousin. I had a GREAT time

...for about 5 minutes.

- except something that was a little weird going on.

Oh?

During our 16 hour drive to Lake Tahoe, I noticed that my boyfriend and his sister were talking more with each other than either of them talked to me or my cousin. So my boyfriend and his sister are close - I have always known this. To a degree, yes, I have always been a little jealous over it because I want that with him.

Yes, many other girls have a thing for unattainble or emotionally unavailable men. They can't all be obtuse can they? Maybe some are just mentally deranged.

So later on that night, we all get ready to go out. I am dressed semi-okay - just like all of us were. So my boyfriend comes up to his sister and says "WOW - YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!" I was sitting right there and he looks at me and says "WHAT, ARE YOU MAD I DIDN'T SAY IT TO YOU?!?"

Well, he does seem to have all the earmarks of a true moron. Yup, I'd say you two deserve each other.

I didn't know what to do so I just said "I could care less!"

Oh you lame duck you!...Here have some bread.

I mean he made that comment in front of everyone and I surely didn't want to start an argument or show my feelings were hurt.

He was counting on exactly that.

So as my boyfriend helped me through the snow to the car, he asked if I was mad and I said "no, I am hurt, and you know why!" He did know why.

No he didn't. He fell silent because he was busy trying to navigate your answer through the air between his ears.

We got to the casino and he pulled me aside and asked me again what was up.

So you coldly said:

"If you ask me that a third time, I'm going to kick you right between your legs."

All I said was "you know why!" (Cause I'm a nice passive-agressive chick and I don't say things like that.)

He totally apologized and said he felt super bad about it.

No he didn't. People who say things like that are either out to fuck with your mind and know exactly the effect of what they're saying or they are too inane to learn how to be considerate.

So the night was fun - we got back to the cabin - went to sleep. The next morning his sister and I made a deal where she cooks breakfast while I do the dishes from the day before that we left out. So I cleaned and she cooked my boyfriend breakfast. He was sooooooo appreciative - gave her a hug - kept thanking her over and over. She handed him a napkin and he thanked her two times - and very heartfelt thank yous. OVER A NAPKIN! Everything she said or did - he laughed - LOUDLY! Kinda like you do when you first are falling for someone. He almost seemed to be flirting with her - and she almost seemed to be flirting back.

Ok, ok. I get the drift....ugh.

My cousin even picked up on it. She pulled aside and asked if I was okay and I told her I really wasn't and she said "let me guess why...it is because your boyfriend treats his sister like his girlfriend and you like his sister?" And that was it - she hit the nail on the head!

So what are you going to do about it?

So my boyfriend and my cousin left not too long after that to go snowboarding. Of course my boyfriend didn't say bye to me - only his sister (but I was heading upstairs to the bathroom to cry because I was just feeling real low).

Wah, fuckin wah.

So my boyfriend and cousin get back from snowboarding - he comes and sits down by his sister and puts his head on her shoulder and she props his feet up on her.

How sweet.

After we all decided to go to bed he asked me what was wrong. So I told him. He came back with "you are just jealous!" Well heck yeah I am, I want my boyfriend to tell me I look beautiful, I want my boyfriend to appreciate me giving him a napkin or me cooking for him, I want my boyfriend to laugh at stupid things I say - I want that bond that he has with her - which I should be having.

Out of curiosity: If a vending machine were out of Mars bars, would you still sit there 4 hours later and whine about it? (Probably.)

All he could admit was that he rarely complimented me and he should do it more often.

That might be an acceptable excuse from dork who truly doesn't know the ways of the polite world, but this guy knows...and you know he does.

I said "it sucks because she will always be the number one female in your life!" and he got so
mad, turned over and sat there for a while and then said how messed up that was for me to say.

The old "It ain't me, it's you."

But you know what, I mean it. I told him that too.

There might be hope for you yet.

Am I out of line for feeling the way I do?

Ok, strike off the above. If you must ask you're hopeless.

I honestly feel he'd drop ANYTHING for her, and the sad thing is...I don't think he'd do the same for me. He swears he would - but sometimes I just don't know. :(

So? If someone's actions are not congruent to their words, then you go by their actions.

Do you have any advice?!?? I feel this is such a sticky situation I am in! :(

It's only sticky because you make it so.

Other Woman's Nightmare

About a year and a half ago I met a man on-line. I found out after about a month that he was married with three kids.

So?

The problem was, I liked the attention and he said he was going to leave her.

The problem was, I was so dumb that I actually thought this would work.

After about another 3 months he did leave her and he moved in with me. I felt horrible for her, but I loved him and didn't want to lose him.

Love had nothing to do with it, more like desperation to have a man, any man, and an advanced stage of mental retardation.

He seemed like a different guy then.

It's called the honeymoon phase for a reason.

Now we have been together all this time and he still talks to his ex wife at least once a day. Sometimes several times a day. He does have kids with her, so I understand that there are times he MUST talk with her. We get the kids every single weekend for the entire weekend.

Welcome to reality.

He gave her his tax refund for a car, because he was driving her back and forth to work every day in my van (behind my back at first).

When the wife becomes the Other Woman...

Now she has a car, but he still is constantly running around for her. He slept with her about 8 months ago. She ended up telling me about it (to rub it in my face). We fought about it, but decided to work past it. I can't seem to get past it.

You're long past all respectability and reason, honey.

He thinks it's normal for a guy to talk every day with the mother of his children. Is it? He thinks it's normal to take the kids every single weekend even though it means him and I can't make any plans. He sneaks off to call her sometimes. He lies to me to go do things for her so that I won't be angry.

Heh, the joke's on you now. In another couple of months you'll be back to cruising online sites, while they'll be feverishly working on their reconcilliation baby.

He is so afraid to let this woman down! He freaks out if the kids clothes gets dirty. I mean honestly gets all upset and swears and stuff. She was very controlling and it seems like she still controls.

Nobody has that power unless the other person gives it to them.

Can someone give me some insight as to how to get him to stop or even if I can get him to stop?

Stand on your head naked and cluck like a chicken 5 times during the 3rd full moon of the 4th season.

I love him like crazy but I can't stand all this drama anymore!

Oh, come on, you Jerry Springer addict, admit it you thrieve on it.

She Wants Him Back

My boyfriend hadn't been talking to me for about 3 weeks now and i didnt know why he wasnt talking to me.

So how long will you continue to wait until you get the hint?

i tried to call him he wont answer my phone calls and he wouldnt answer the phone when i called him. so i got really upset Thursday morning and sent him an email at work calling him every name in the book and i said something really bad that he's sensitive about i said "if i had known i had to put up with your bullsh*t, then im glad i got rid of your child."

I'm so proud of you for not propagating. Wait, I don't have a medal of honor but I think I have a NARAL pin here somewhere.

he was really upset when i had an abortion last year, and now i know i really f*cked it up with him, he thinks i never cared about him or loved him or loved our baby because of what i said.

Wrong. He's there thinking, oh my gawd, and I nearly had a child with this crazy-ass bitch?!

he just said right now he needs some space and time and if it was meant to be then we might get back together. im so distraught over this guys i need some advice really bad.

Uh, yes, uh, I know, voodoo can help. Stick your head in a bucket full of water for 10 minutes. Yeah, that should help.

our relationship has never gotten this bad, he used to call me everyday just to say hi he was and still is a really good boyfriend. the only problem i saw with our relationship was distance (we are both military hes in CA i got stationed in ID).

Ok. Just a slightly off-topic question: Aren't basic writing skills mandatory in the military anymore? Have they really gotten that desperate?

we were planning to get married in april even though we are both 19.

so that we can divorce at 21 like all of our friends at the base.

i just got upset was because his behavior was all so sudden with the no-phone calls and no-calling back.

So? Since when was that an acceptable excuse to spew out filth and hurt people?

i really still love him and i always cared about him and we were always there for each other, and i know i shouldn't have said those things, i was just so upset of why i was being ignored.

Stick a lollipop in your mouth or something and go do some growing up you whiny brat.

December Loves May

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other on and off for 3 years. I am 26 and he is 49,

What's the problem, are you too ugly to get one of your own age?

but we have lots in common and I really don't feel the age gap most of the time.

Except when we´re in bed and he has trouble getting an erection.

We didn't have a very good year as we broke up twice and in June, (we weren't together then), I went and kissed a younger guy (he's about 21) when I went on holidays.

Who happened to be my kid brother.

So now I sometimes feel I want to try to be with a guy my age, just to test the waters...

I want to find out if it's true that a young one can do it two times in a night.

it felt good that I could just walk down the street with him and kiss in the middle of the street without thinking of anything. I don't do that with bf because I don't want him to be seen as an old pervert.

I don´t want people to think I was so desperate for a guy that I settled for an old pervert.

I love my bf and he is so crazy about me. The other problem is that these few days I don't enjoy kissing anymore. I used to like it when he kissed my ear but now I just don't feel like being licked that way. I am also not really interested in sex. I don't get turned on, even when I look at some erotic images or just watch sex scenes in movies (they used to turn me on), but I think that could be something to do with the Pill.

After the 21 year old, my boyfriend suddenly started reminding me of (ugh) my dad, but I don't want to admit that I don't want him anymore so I blame my disgust on the Pill.

I am guessing that we're just suddenly being too intense. We've been seeing each other almost everyday. I feel I need to breath and just chill out at home on my own.

I wanna bet you wouldn't say that if he was a hot looking 25 year old. You'd be writing and whining to me about "ooooh why can't he commit".

I get such mixed feelings because I want to be with him yet I want to be on my own.

I want to break up with the old boy, but I don't want to look like I'm superficial, ya know what I mean?

Also, the way he is so crazy about me makes me want to distance myself.

Desperation is never sexy.

I feel angry that I feel this way, maybe it is just PMS.

PMS doesn't last all month long, but denial does.

I have such mixed feelings, I don't know how to resolve them.

You don't want to.

Back-Up Girl

I met this guy almost 3 years ago. He was dating when I first met him. We were very much attracted to each other and so we started seeing each other even though he was dating this other girl.

I would love to know how you'd react if some other girl thought it was ok to sleep with your boyfriend just because she had the hots for him. But, let me guess, you don't have a boyfriend.

Then the girl broke up and he didn't ask me out right away and I completely lost it and got very very mad at him and eventually we just stopped talking to each other.

Why did you get mad? Surely you weren't that dumb to think this sordid sex-affair meant anything to him, did you?

Then he started seeing this other girl an it's been around 2 years and they are still seeing each other. Their relationship is not exactly perfect, they are having quite a bit of problems.

All relationships have problems. It's how you deal with them that counts.

We started talking to each other again and he started flirting with me and we kissed a couple of times.

So? Many assholes like to fuck around with spineless, desperate girlies.

Then I was injured and out of the picture for couple of months and now I am back at work and have started talking to him again. He told me that he likes me and he always has but he has a girlfriend and he needs to figure out what to do. Also he is living with her right now.

Isn't that like... telling you something?

According to him, the are having a lot of problems but then definitely there is something which is preventing him from breaking up with her.

She gives head that good?

I have strong feelings for this guy. During this three years, he has cheated on both of his girlfriends with me.

And, like the fool you are, you think this must be love, eh?

He wants to be friends and see what happens.

What part of "I don't want you" is so hard to understand?

I am not sure about it. I have made it clear that I wont have any intimate relations with him till he breaks up with his girlfriend and moves out.

Why should he? There is nothing you could offer that he can't find in the next cubicle. There are many, many sad women like you, my dear.

Everytime we go out, we end up flirting with each other, though I have made is clear that nothing is going to happen between us.

If that's what it takes for you to think that a guy is seriously interested you must be really in need of a lobotomy.

Is there anything I can do to make things work between us, or shall I just forget about this and move on?

No, please stick around, spend another few years flirting with him. Write back and whine some more. You wouldn't want to actually wake up, straighten out and put me out of business would ya?

Cut My Nose To Spite My Face

My boyfriend has the habit of 'vanishing' and 'not calling back' and 'not being reachable' sometimes for a whole weekend.

That's perfectly normal behavior...for another girl's boyfriend.

I watched this for 3 weeks now and I restrained myself from breaking up or having a one night stand. But I could not.

So instead of cheating to get back at him, which only the dumbest ho-bag would do, you broke-up and started a course in learning how to communicate?! (Can't be.)

One night he said he would call me and he loves me. And when I called hours after we agreed to talk his friend picked up the phone and told me my boyfriend is 'busy' talking to a male friend and can not talk to me, not even say hello. At 11 pm on a saturday?

Hey, maybe your boyfriend was trying to talk his "friend" out of jumping off from the Empire State Building because the dude grew 36D boobs overnight. Didn't you think about that?

I snapped. I didnt say much. I hung up the phone and went out with one of my male friends. What do I need to say. I ended up having sex with my male friend.
It was nice. I do not regret it.

No, you need a conscience, and some mature brain-cells for that.

I broke up with my boyfriend the next day. I did not tell him that I cheated on him.

No, of course not, you don't actually want him to think that you are a two-time strumpet or anything.

He begged me to stay with him and had a good excuse for his behaviour.
I stayed with him.

And not just because you're a sucker for a good story either.

Next weekend; same game. So I slept with another friend of mine.

If you're going to make a career out of this, you might want to consider me as your manager. I wouldn't ask for a big cut either. Just 70% or so.

And now I realised that I am HURTING MYSELF in this relationship! I end up sleeping with man I do not want to sleep with just because my boyfriend hurts, rejects and neglects me all the time.

Tone down the self-awareness crap. If you did "get it" you wouldn't be writing here.

I need to end the relationship with my boyfriend. But it is almost like an addiction. Like a drug.

Oh yes, yes, ignore me, use me, treat me like dirt I am baby!

I know he keeps on coming back to me. And I keep on taking him back. But the burden of me cheating on him gets too much.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for you now? Just wondering.

I do not really have the strength to break up. I do not want another relationship of mine to fail. Even though it is not my fault.

Yes, I can see how being a compulsively cheating psycho-slut is someone else's fault.

I can not stand this guy anymore. I fear to talk to him or to see him. I feel guilt and pain at the same time.

Awww, wanna a (slightly used) tissue?

On the other hand I am still the one calling him and trying to 'make things work'.

Consistency is never the forté of the mentally ill mind.

Please help me!

Sure, just tell me where to shoot.

Jacking Off To The Phone

I have been married all of 9 months. My husband is a great guy. Would bend over backwards to make me happy.

I am truly fascinated by some women's definitions of a "great guy". It usually turns out to be some skunk that I wouldn't want to touch with a 10-foot pole.

But here is the thing.

This oh so tiny little thing...

I have noticed that he is like addicted to porn and phone sex. He doesn't realize I know about the phone calls when I'm gone.

If you tell me that you knew about this before you married him, I'm going to thump you.

Its affecting the way I feel about myself, and makes me conserned about how he is with our 4 month old when I'm not here.

You got married because you were knocked up? Good goin' twit.

Just last night, I had to run some errands. I came home about 2 hours later to hear my baby screaming in his crib and found out that my husband was apparently masterbating to a porn flick and on the phone with some sex line.

I don't know what to do.

Ask Lorena Bobbit. I'm sure she has a couple of good ideas.

I certainly want to do whatever I can do to make this marriage work.

Can you clap with one hand too?

When I confront him with things he just acts as if I am over reacting. I dont know how to bring this up without making him sound like a terrible husband and father.

Denial becomes you.

I just feel totally lost and even more scared.

I would feel scared too if I had so little brain power.

I don't want to leave the house without my son anymore.

When I'm home he is a doting father and husband. Its like a secret double life.

I hear they have a 12-step program for that.

Anyone here have some suggestions on how to make this better?

Stick your head a little deeper in the sand and your butt a little more higher in the air. Atta girl. (Kick)

Married To A Vampire

I met this man 1yr ago and still can't understand.

You're in good company.

When I met him he told me, that about 8 years ago he was with this woman awhile after his wife passed. They had a relationship but it only lasted 4 years because he asked her 3 times to marry him and she refused. So he broke the relationship but carried on a business working relationship with her hanging wallpaper.

Horizontaly?

When we got together he said one night he needed to tell her about me and that he was changing families. HMMMM.....??

Are you sure he didn't say "going to have two families"?

I thought that was strange but went on. Well she was extremely mad that she threatened to kill me if she ever seen me alone.

So you told the police and filed a restraining order, right? RIGHT?

Well he still worked for her despite all the evil things this lady has tried and 3months later he married me.

You married a guy you only knew 3 months? Why wait so long? Why not get married right away? (snort)

We have now been married almost a year. And all through this marriage he has spent nights with me days with her. Saying he is working.

Yeah, right, whatever.

She does everything to keep him from using the money she pays him (Which is only 20 % of anything they do) for this family.

Oh, she is there physically there to stop him from handing money over to you?

He would never commit adultery nor would he cheat. He knows better.

How do you know, do you have a camera watching him all day long?

Yet our time consists of 12:00 A.m to 7:00 a.m 7 days a week.

(Turns to the audience)
Haven't you ever wondered about women who go along with bullsh1t like that? What do you think goes through their mind? Do they have a mind?

He has gone on 5 long trips all over u.s with her saying all it is is work related and that he is doing it for the family.

I thought he can't spend any money on your family.

He loves me and my kids with all his heart and soul. And her well she has gone as far as spying on me all the time to calling C.P.S and making so many reports they are trying to take my kids away.

Perhaps they should.

I try to believe him but I am married to a stranger and i am very confused all the time.

Well don't be. A man can't be married to two women at the same time, so you're not married. Simple.

Please let me know your opinion. I really do love him, but if this is impossible to win then I have to go to counseling and try to end it. Don't want to.

Who told you to leave him? Keep your bloodsucker. Have a few kids with him. I hope you have a good job though.

Love And The Flakey Woman

I am with a man now, have been only for about 3 weeks. I know I shouldn't have jumped into it after an ended 2 year relationship, but sometimes you do it even though you know.

Yes, tell me about it. The fools led by their emotions today are the advice-asking whiners of tomorrow.

I've been burned so many times in the past, that I have developed weird reactions to certain things.

You have a whole bunch of baggage and instead of dealing with it like an adult you...

I haven't been able to quell these actions, but I have figured out what triggers them, so I let him know that.

... expect from other to "respect your hurty places".

And he was fine and understood and just lately he's been slipping with it. And now I don't know what to do.

What? He isn't always catering to your numerous emotional needs...Tsk, tsk, ditch the b@stard, he just doesn't deserve a high-maintenance chick like you...

I can already tell things aren't going to work out. The last time I felt that, it took a year before things ended; I can't bear hurting feelings.

No, you're too much of a wimp.

If that's not confusing enough just two days ago, a good friend of mine who up and disappeared two years ago showed up in my driveway. We were wonderful friends, real close, but he never noticed I really liked him the whole time. I gave up on it, had to for mental stability.

A normal alternative like asking the guy out to a movie and taking it up from there never occurs to wacky broads.

Well, now that he is back he says he wants to start a relationship with me and he could think of no one else he wants to be with and all this other extremely sweet things.

I'm sure that hugely appeals to the part of you, that's constantly looking for the perfect situation that will make her feel good forever.

I've never had anyone say anything like that to me, or chase me down for that. My relationships are usually with people I've known for much less than a year. Never with real close friends.

Of course not. The ones who know you well, know better than to get involved.

I don't know what to do!

Just don't do anything healthy like getting therapy or something like that.

He says I should break up with my current boyfriend because he can see how he makes me feel.

He probably hasn't gotten laid in months, remembered that you had the hots for him in the past and that all you'd need would a little sweet-talking for you to put out a few, before he'd "disappear" again.

What should I do?

What you've always done. Anything but dealing with the common denominator of your unhappiness.

Sex And The Cold Fish

I don't know where to begin. I have never, ever, been interested in sex...

Being catholic can do that to a girl.

I've often wondered if I should have ever married. I don't know if I am in love with him... or have every been.

Women like you are often more in love with the idea of being married, than the person they're marrying.

Even after 10 years together, I still don't know. I feel like I am with him just for the kids, he is a good father...but he has ignited nothing but hatred in me.... it all stems in the bedroom that I feel like I am 'obligated' to him... like that is my job...and it makes me hate it and him.

You hate your husband because he has normal sex needs? Maybe you should hate yourself instead, for making vows to a man, knowing you did not mean them.

Before getting pregnant, I would oblige, about once a week (month), sometimes longer... and that got us through,

You mean it got you through.

but with being pregnant and chasing around a potty training 3 year old... by 7pm I have not an ounce of energy left...

That is a reality for many women, but coming from you it just sounds like the excuse it is.

and I fear going to bed, because I know the dreaded question...."can we do it, or can you do somthing", such a romantic line, ya know...

The average man is only as good in bed as the woman who trains him.

most nights I'm beat, have heartburn and just dont' want to... because other than bring home a paycheck (and not even a good one at that), what has he done for me...

For your information, if he has regular work and his paycheck is enough for you to stay at home, you have more than millions of women in this world have right now.

I live my life vicariously through my favorite televsion shows and he gets angry that I have a few favorties and it cuts into 'his time'... but I need to unwind too... after 16 straight hours of noggin, nick jr. and disney channel...

That's what tires you out? Letting your kid watch TV 16 hours a day?

I need my salvation....

Where is my knight on his white horse? Where is my promised millionaire with his private jet? Why hasn't he come me? Waaaah.

Other than that I don't have a 'real life'.

I'm stuck being a housewife to this pig who wants icky, dippy sex.

Usually I will just give into his 3 year old temper tantrums at 11pm... that he stomps around like a baby, assure him it will get better... and just do it.

You're such a saint... NOT.

Last night, I couldn't, I was so tired....and I don't want to have sex with him...my bones are killing me anyway, (how old are you anyway, you sound 70 if you were a day.) but he dosen't care...... so he went on with his temper tantrum and proceeded to throw the alarm clock accross the room at the tv...

He had at least 6 years time to divorce your frigid a$$ with out any serious consequences. He deserves all the blue balls he can get.

I don't want to live like this...he is not violent.

10 years of in an out of the dog house is bound to make the sanest guy neurotic.

I would never say to him I want a divorce...

No, you "good girls" never do...

because he says that and thats his easy way to scare me... but I'm not scared ...

Why should you be? You'll get the kids, the paycheck and he'll get the blame.

I just don't care... I care about my kids and myself.

Truer words were never spoken...

My problem is I just can't pretend.

There were other alternatives to pretending, but you choose to ignore them.

We can't afford counceling...so that isn't even an option.

Just keep cranking out kids from a man you can't stand sweety.

How To Be An Evil Stepmom

I have been married 5 years. My husband is the custodial parent of a 7 and 8 year old with little to no help from their mom. I am 7 months pregnant and we also have a 15 month old.

You poor thing, didn't your mommy teach you anything about birth-control?

I have told DH that our lives would be so much easier if his kids did not exist. I told him this before and after we got married.

To marry a man, whose kids you don't want, is the height of stupidity. What did you think was going to happen, that the kids would disappear as soon as you said your vows? I'm surprised you had enough brain cells to sign you name at the register.

The fact that he still went ahead and married you after what you told him, speaks volumes about his intelligence as well.

Stupidity breeds eternal.

I told him I do not like the fact that he has kids, that I want him to compensate me with the $130/mo that he was supposed to get for child support (he has never gotten a dime) so that I could save the money for my kids when they got older, and that his kids drive me crazy.

You want to confiscate his childrens child-support for your own?

His kids told him a month ago that they felt like I did not like them because I said that I do not like being around them because they do not do what they are told to do. He and his kids took that to mean that I do not like them.

It took them 5 years to figure that out?! That was fast for a family of imbeciles.

And he has been upset since then. He says that I treat my baby differently than his kids and yes I do, but I am never mean to his kids. (ie. I scream at them a lot and beat them with a slick stick 3 times a day but would never let them starve or anything.)

Ever since, he has been drinking everyday (has never drank the entire time we have been together), coming home at 3,4,5 am.

Reality finally has reached his brain...

I told him that he had to get somewhere else to live if that is what he wanted to do so he left!

Why are you so shocked? Didn't you mean your sorry little ultimatum?

He says that he is depressed and hurt that he has been foolish enough to stay with me all this time knowing how I felt.

Did he at least take his kids with him? I would shudder to think that they are still with the woman who hates their guts.

I feel the same way, I married him when I was 23. I have had to stop living for myself and help him care for his kids. I will never be able to get back my 20's.

Who's fault is that you petty twat?

Now I have kids of my own that I am reposnsible for.

And he's solely at fault again...how exactly? Last time I checked you didn't need a husband to take the Pill or to get your tubes tied.

And let's not forget that he has left me home alone big and pregnant to run behind a toddler.

Keep your whine. You made your bed, now lie in it.

He will not talk to me, but has told everyone in his family that I made him leave home (not why).

Be glad. It would make you look really sh1tty.

I have been so upset with him that I am fine with him not talking to me. This has gone on now for about 2 weeks and it is driving me crazy.

Get a spine and call a lawyer. It was over before it even started anyway.

I do not want something to happen to my child and have expressed this to him because I am having difficulty force feeding myself, not to mention the stress that he has put me under is causing me to cry way too much.

You have brought all of this unhappiness onto your own self.

I am willing to do anything for him.

No, you aren't.

I have tried changing the way that I think about his kids but that gives me more anger and resentment for them.

Then you should have left this man alone. But that's what happens when you have more sh1t than brains.

We have been to counseling, me alone and together, and he refuses to go back to couseling.

He knows there is no use talking with you.

Wait Until Marriage

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, very seriously, and we plan on getting married probably Spring 2006. We are both 21 and seniors in college.

What's the big hurry? Your brains haven't even finished growing yet, barely any life-experience to speak of, and you already think you've found Mr. Right?

Anyways, when we started seeing each other, we decided to make a pact that we would wait to have intercourse until we are married, since he is a virgin and has always believed that you should wait. (I think the whole buying the cow, thing...)

You want to marry a guy whom you don't even know if share any sexual compatibility?

When you write back 2 years later, and tell me how tiny his wiener is or how frustrated you are because he only wants to have sex once every blue moon while wearing 10 in. heels and a tutu, I'm going to laugh my a$$ off.

I was fine with this at first, since I only had one sexual partner before, which was one year prior to when my current boyfriend and I got together and it hadn't been very good, but we are moving in together this summer and a year away seems so long to wait.

Starting to get a little desperate for some action, already?

I have suggested new things for us to try, but its still not enough.

Tell your hypocritical boyfriend that oral sex is sex, so you might as well finish it off and find out if his package is up to the forever-after-deal.

How can I wait till my wedding night? Any suggestions??

Buy a vibrator. Make sure it's a good one. You're going to need it for a loooong time.

The Accidental Other Woman

I met my MM (your m'n'm?) on New Years almost 2 years ago, when he threw a party at his house. Hence, I have also met his wife, who was kind and welcomed me into their homes.

Is that how you repay another woman's generosity, by fucking her husband?

He fell in love (lust) with me as soon as we met. I was smitten by his personality (gorgeous body) and hung out occasionally (5 times a week). I was totally oblivious to the love (lust) he felt for me. (ie. I knew he had the hots for me and I cock-teased him in every imaginable way.)

About two weeks ago, he dropped in for a business trip and we got ourselves really drunk. Somewhere in the midst of our alcohol induced babbling, we started making out. I don’t really know how it happened but it did.

The alcohol made us do it! (Not it didn't.)

He left the next day and we kept in touch via emails from our mobile. He called me every day. I was falling in love but was also determined to hold tight to my morals.

What morals?

Coming from a broken family (parents separated when I was four), I know all about the stigma attached to a woman who breaks up someone’s marriage and the immense amount of pain the children will go through.

So I promised myself that when I would grow up, I'd go and break another woman's home so that I can get back at the world.

One week after he left, he returned to visit me for four days. One the first night, we went out and got really drunk. (Again?) I ended up at his place, feeling terribly sick. I stripped down in the bathroom and proceeded to vomit into the toilet till I was near unconscious. (So when are you going to do something about your drinking problem?) He got worried about me and barged into the bathroom, threw me into the shower and got me clean. After that we both passed out on different beds.

Ugh.

Somehow in the middle of the night, we ended up in the same bed and made passionate love (fucked like the dawgs we are.) The next few days were wonderland for the both of us. We were in our own little world. We were in denial, he was reckless.

Lust has that effect on people.

I wrote a letter to him after he left. I wanted him to try and work out his marital problems. I told him that if he chose to get a divorce, it cannot be because of me.

You just wrote that letter to ease your conscience.

There are his three young children to consider, my family, cultural divide (he’s English, I’m Chinese), age gap (he’s 37, I’m 25), etc. An affair is just the wrong way to start a relationship; it would lead to problems in the future. I wouldn’t be able to live with the scrutiny from the people around us, and worst of all, hatred from his children.

Oh please, do you have any idea how hypocritical you sound from here? If you really thought that adultery was wrong, you would have never, ever been part of it, or given yourself an excuse to be part of it.

But it was not to be. 3 days after he left, his wife goes through his phone and sees our conversations. All hell breaks loose. She even throws up. (Can you blame her?)

She finds out it’s me and she said that she knew he liked me the day we met. (A woman should always listen to her intuition.)

I am overwhelmed with guilt, shame, confusion, frustration, helplessness, anger, self hate, worry, fear. I want to curl up and die. I want to dig a hole, bury myself in it and disappear from this world forever. I am also angry at him for not being more careful with the messages. I did ask him specifically to delete my mails as soon as he reads them.

You certainly didn't feel any shame when you uncrossed your legs for him (not just once either) and come on, admit it, you don't truly regret what you've done at all, you're just ashamed because your dirty deed came out in the open.

His wife is leaving him with the kids today (back to the in-laws) so that he can think things through. He told me to forget them. He wants me to tell him if this relationship is something I want to continue. I can’t forget his situation because it is going to affect us!

All I wanted was to get drunk and fuck a little, I didn't intend to become stepmom to 3 little brats!

I am in love with him but I don’t want to be the one to break up his marriage. I think he owes it to his wife to try to work things out. I did tell him that. I told him the only way to save his marriage is to stop seeing me.

I made feeble attempts to keep him away, but I secretly hope he won't listen to me.

He loves me, he loves my boob job, he loves my messed up mind, and he doesn’t mind my bulimia.

You're right, he does love your boob job and I'm sure you're an addictive ego-booster. But he doesn't care about your fucked up personality one bit, trust me.

I love him and I do want to continue, but I don't want to break up his marriage! Things just spiraled out of control in such a short time. I can’t breathe. My conscience is suffocating me. What can I do what should I do? What should I tell him? How can I not lose him? How can I live with myself?

Easy, send him back to the wife. After a little while you will get weak and you'll start the drunken hook-ups again. With a little luck she'll catch him and this time instead of going away to let him "think it over" she'll take him to the cleaners and fed-ex his sorry remains to you. Then you can play act own sick little version of Woody Allen and Soon-Yi for ever after.

There is another alternative of course, but you don't have the decency or the courage for it.

How To Mindfuck Yourself

i dated a guy for five months. we are both the same age (32) ....physically

i noticed he really never wanted to talk about the past.

Or about those innocent-looking skeletons lurking in his closet.

he was set to think of the future; which i liked. he was doing well with his job and had just bought a condo.

Job+Condo = he must be marriage-minded.

i am my career as a teacher, but was going to film school at the time we started daing.
we were busy, but we made time for eachother.

Like any two people who have the hots for each other.

suddenly he began to get jealous, not trust me and question me.

And you realized that he was a psycho and gave him the slip.

i dropped out of film school and tried to prove to him that i would make time for us and think about a future together.

Huh? What did you get all that education for, if you were just going to abandon it for the first idiot who throws a hissy fit? Why even go to college, for that matter. You could have saved the money and bought some curtains for his condo.

he liked that. i became his buffer. he would complain about his job, his roommate. (what, no condo?) but he would never give me the time of day.

Of course not. You don't make time for your doormat.

i was confused.

You gave to get. You never communicated your expectations. Then realized that it doesn't work and you were simply confused?

we began having sex and i began doing little things for him. i then began questioning his love for me.

so i picked out this random dude and within record time i started making radical changes for him, so that he'll love me and be good to me forever. only i didn't tell him that. he was going to know by my huge sacrifices for him. but something went wrong....

he was never supportive and he would yell at me if i couldn't accept his busy schedule. he would make me feel bad about my body, then he said that he wanted me and only me.
i felt every time he did not want to deal with anything, we were breaking up. sometimes i felt he never wanted a girlfriend. at times i feel he manipulated me to think he wanted to be with me so he could have sex with me at his convenience.

the relationship was horrible but he said he really wanted to work things out.

I never cease to be amazed, how receptive certain broads are to mindfucking.

i had trouble trusting him, but i really loved him because things were so different at the beginning.

you see, if i only would wait long enough, that wonderful person he pretended to be in the beginning would come back.

he would just text message me. he never would talk to me. always text messages,

like"when you coming ho?" or "where are ya biatch?"

anyway, i was starting to run out of options to keep him so...

i decided to have anal sex;

i decided to give my a$$hole away and shit through my mouth.

which i was still skeptical. after that he only responded to me if i talked about sex. it was upsetting, but i wanted to have faith.

Excuse me there for a moment, while we're in the confessional mode: some guy from the newsroom heard me read your letter to the chicks from the fashion page and asked for your name, said something about wanting to meet you. I really didn't want to, but I owed favors. I'm sure you understand, eh?

he would call to check up on me, but we never did anything. never went out on dates. he would say he would make it up to me. i wanted to believe him. every time.

You poor Good Girl you. [pat, pat]

two weeks after we had anal sex, he said he felt guilty. he finally was telling me the truth about everything. how he could not make a committment and that he really didn't know what he wanted.

That's rather unusual for a mindfucker. He must have been feeling really cornered.

i screamed and told him all my anger about the entire relationship and that he would be just like his father, cheating on his wife. i told him all the horrible things i had thought and how strong i was to deal with his crap.

You weren't strong, you were stupid, and now you're blaming it on him so that you can feel better about yourself.

i told him it was crappy and that he will never know what a beautiful woman i am and how he took advantage of me.

He didn't take anything you didn't offer.

he felt guilty and then text messaged me that i will always be in his heart.

Translation: the nekkid pictures I did with my cell are making the rounds as we speak.

i hate this man. it's been two months now and my level of hating him has decreased, but i am in pain. i feel ashamed and bitter.

And as long as you're unwilling to see your role in this boring little affair, you'll continue to feel ashamed and bitter.

i've always had problems with men and now i don't think i can ever trust a man.

How can you, when you can't even trust yourself.

4th Date's The Charm

To make a long story short, I met a guy through the internet. We talked on the phone twice before meeting last Thursday. Things went great and he called me on the Friday then on the Sunday. We met again on Monday, he called Tuesday and we met again this Wednesday.

So you had the magic 3 dates after which many guys these days expect the girl to put out. (Guess who's responsible for this sorry state of affairs.)

He insisted on coming to my place and promised we would not do anything.

You fell for that? A guy you barely know, who insists on coming over your place, is rarely interested in your photo-albums.

Well I knew better, but since I trusted him I invited him over anyway.

You can't "trust" a guy you've only met 3 times. You just want to trust him.

We watched fireworks from my balcony and talked. Then when we came back inside he was all over me.

Yup. He kept his promise alright.

Even though I really wanted to wait, we ended up having partial intercourse.

Ugh!

Afterwards, he said he was really tired and so we kissed again and he said that he would call me back the next day. Well he never called.

Then realized that you weren't going to go all the way, and since that was all he was really interested in the first place, he dropped off the face of the earth.

So I am really discouraged. He was my third sexual partner and I seriously never would have done it with him if I felt he was insincere.

Well, you have a long way to go before you start relying on your "feelings". Until then, don't let strangers into your appartment and in your pants.

What should I do if he calls again?

Spare yourself the agony. He won't call.

I feel like I should end this relationship because he did not respect my wishes and he kept pushing me for sex that night.

First: 3 dates do NOT constitute a relationship.

Second: Be glad he gave up and left and didn't beat you/rape you instead.

You have no idea how close you were to becoming another statistic.

On the other hand, we hit off so well. We enjoy doing the same things, he is fun, and he seems to be a good guy.

I can't believe you're still actually considering him. What the f@ck is wrong with you?!

Want To Meet His Kid

I am currently dating a 26 year old man for a month but we are getting along great, let me mention though that we are already having sex. My problem is that he has not said anything to his 4 year old son about us dating.

Why should he? You have only known each other for a month. In fact it's a relief to read that there are single parents out there, who don't introduce their kids to every Tom, Dick and Harry that crosses their path.

I know that Gavin is only four but it makes me worried that he hasn't told him because he attends a daycare where I am a teacher and see him everyday so I don't know what the big deal would be.

Are you always this short-sighted, or has your insecurity rendered you completely witless?

Should this relationship run its course, you're going to have enough trouble looking each other in the eye, without having a troubled kid in your hands and everybody at work gossiping about it.

The thing that bothers me is that he will invote me over to his apartment on weekends that he has Gavin only after he goes to sleep.

Well stop being in a hurry to play mama. The honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. You'll get to deal with the angry tyke and his jealous mom soon enough.

Do you think he could be holding off on telling Gavin because then his ex girlfriend who he dated for four years would find out and then there would be questions?

You still don't get it.

Why don't you ask the kid's dad? I'm sure he'll be happy to clue you in.

Overtime Or Over Heels?

Hi there.. I have a very big question... I don't understand why my fiance turn to stay at work longer and longer hours...

[Long suffering sigh]

I can tell already it's going to be one of those no-brainers.

It has been about a month now that he (my fiance) is staying at work for so long.. he usually come home either by 5 or 5.30 to have dinner with me.. lately he did not call to tell me that he will be home late and he is still at work until 7 or 8 pm.

So what was his excuse? I mean, you did ask him "hey, what's the deal with the overtime? "

What? You didn't?

When i picked him up after work as he didn't take the car. He didn't react like before.. before everytime i drop by as a surprise to pick him up from work he will be more than happy .. these days he looks worry and nervous and this morning he told me that if I gonna pick him up again on my way back please call the office first to let him know...

Why? So that you don't accidentally run into him getting a blow-job from the perky-breasted brunette with the tongue-piercing?

(the office number because he lost his mobile phone)

Are you sure he lost it and didn't just, erm, lend it to somebody?

He has been working very hard.. (heh) when he comes home sometime he didn't even want dinner he said that he has already eaten some pizza from work or something like that.. he will be too tired to even talk to me.. (and of course much too tired to screw) he just want to watch tv then go to sleep and get up to go to work..

however, i feel that lately he has been having a very angry feeling toward me with everything i do.. everything i do seems to be wrong for him or not rights... he is very grumpy

If that man was really doing overtime, he'd be angry about his workload, not you.

Like last weekend.. we had a big fight about the wedding planning.. he went to check out few places for our venues with me and on Sunday's evening, he screamed at me that he can't handle it anymore..

And you sat there, head bowed in shame instead of imperiously calling off the wedding (until you get a grip, asshole).

He said that i supposed to do all the wedding things by myself

Why should you? It's not like you're getting married by yourself.

he said that i have been slow and wait for him while he got so much on his hands like work and stuff...

"and stuff"

That's a novel way of putting it.

i was waiting for him to see with me because i thought that we could make a decision together.. I just never see he so angry at me like this so I feel nervous...

Be nervous. Be very nervous.

Anyway, i wonder if he likes someone else at work (Oh my god, I'm blinded! A ray of intuition!) or he just work harder (he is a principle of a school).

Oh oh.

Should i just calm down and act as normal? ...while I spend some of that wedding budget on a detective?

Sure!

By the way this weekend is his Birthday and he needs a break from the city so we are going away for the beach.. should i say anything and if so what should i ask ?

I wouldn't but, if you really must, say:

"You've been acting like a total dickwad lately, and if you don't want me to pawn off the engagement ring for a week in Las Vegas/new appartment/whatever, you better start talking. Be very convincing."

Cart Before The Horse

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and we were just blessed with a baby boy 6 months ago. Although I am the only one in my relationship who considers it to be a blessing.

Yes I admit that I lied to him in the beginning of my pregnancy. I told him that I was not going to keep the baby and that I would go take care of it before school started in August, but I didn't.
I didn't tell him the truth because I was pregnant the year before and had a miscarriage. When I told him I was preg. the first time he became distant. Not talking to me or anything.

There is no shame in getting knocked-up accidently and deciding to keep it, fully knowing that you´ll probably have to raise this child alone. But getting pregnant twice in twelve months means that at least one of you is either plain ol' sloppy with birth-control or completely out of touch with reality.

He never asked about it until after we returned to school and by that time I was afraid to tell him that I didn't.

You knew damn well by his reaction to the first pregnancy, that this guy didn't want a child at this point of his life and that another pregnancy would mean the end of your relationship.

Instead I went along with trying to get rid of the baby on my own (WTF?!) and decided I would tell him when it was over. Eventually I broke down and told him and we tried some abortion clinics but I was already too far along so that was no longer an option. We were having a baby and it was nothing we could have done about it.

You really believe that crappy story you're dishing to us.

Snap out of denial honey.

You wanted to keep the baby, (probably out of residual emotional baggage due to the miscarriage), and you wanted to keep the man too, so you did what many before you have done, procrastinate until it was too late for an abortion and hoped that once the baby was a certainity he'd "come around".

The nine months I was pregnant was HELL!!! He practically hated me. We got through it all and our son was born but it ruined our relationship. He feels like HE PUT ALL HIS TRUST in me and I BETRAYED HIM.

CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR FEELING THIS WAY?

Though that is not the case.

Isn't it now?

We are still together but things are not the same. I am mostly concerned about my son. Since the day he was born he has only came to visit twice. (We live in diff. states.) When we talk on the phone if he doesn't hear the baby, he won't ask about him. I mean he asks about him most of the time but he never calls and says how is my son everyday the way a father should.

That man never wanted to be a father. You forced him to become one and now you complain that he's not up to the task?

He takes great care of our son financially but that is not what makes a father.

Be thankful. Another lesser man would have left you to fend for yourself.

I am afraid that we will drift apart. And my son will be left to be an outside child. I know things happen for a reason, I believe in that but this is not a life I want for my child. I want him to grow in a loving household with both of his parents.

Newsflash: You already have drifted apart. Your son IS an "outside child". He might grow up with two parents, but it will be with another man.

He deserves that. I didn't have that and I know how it feels.

If this was really important to you, you would have given him up for adoption, instead of trying to make the wrong shoe fit.

My boyfriend has his own apartment that his parents pay for. His dad is a Doctor. So his only job is to go to medical school.

FYI, going to medical school is like having two jobs.

When I told him that I was planning on going to nursing school where he lives and get family housing he told me that I shouldn't expect us to be hanging out because if he does he will fail in school.

Which is understandable but he didn't even sound excited or say hey that's a good idea my son will be closer and I will be able to see him more. He says that he doesn't want to get married right now because he cannot provide for a family yet.

The guy is practically screaming that it's over.

But I feel like why can't we be there for each other struggle together work together as a team until we get to where we need to be.

You really don't get it, do you. A baby does not a relationship make. Especially a relationship that was never serious in the first place. (Hello? You didn't even live in the same state!)

How do I make it through this? How do I even begin to pick up the pieces and what about our son?

First, accept the facts.

1. You are a single mother now.

2. Your boyfriend doesn't want you or the baby.

Only then you'll stop trying to get him to "do the right thing" and be able to move on.

I cannot force him to be a father. I cannot make him want to be with his son.

But you would if you could.

I just don't want my son to end up being the one to suffer and hurt in the end.

He'll be just fine, unless you keep up the pity party for the next 18 years, and/or go out and desperately start hunting for replacement daddies.

Will He Ever Leave Her?

20 years ago I dated a man that was 14 years older than I. We loved each other very much and he did ask me to marry him. I said "no" at that time because of my parents. I was only 21 then and foolish enough to listen to my parents and not smart enough to listen to my heart.

Your parents did you a huge favor... what a shame you never matured enough to realized it.

He and I went on with our lives, married other individuals (yes, for all the wrong reasons).

Hindsight is always 20/20.

I've been married for 13 years and have an 11 year old child. He's been married for 18 years and has no children. About 1 year ago we ran into each other and everything came flooding back.

I was in a very unhappy marriage, hadn't had love/affection/sex in our marriage for over 5 years and we were staying together for the sake of our child.

That means, for at least 7 years, you did have a happy marriage and in time, like most marriages, you just got stuck in a rut and instead on working on the marriage you...endured. How noble of you (not)!

Bill was also in an unhappy marriage and had they had been living in separate bedrooms for over 6 years and had not had a sexual realationship with his wife for all of that time.

It doesn't take a genius to see where this is heading.

Unfortunately once we ran into each other again, the pull was so strong that we just fell back into each other's arms.

I doubt that there was any electrical magnetism at work, but I'm sure there was plenty of the animal kind, combined with the fact that both of you hadn't screwed properly for quite a while and a strong sence of "entitlement".

We were seeing each other on weekends and lying to our spouse which neither one of us was proud of. The guilt was overwhelming for both of us, but it didn't stop us (God forgive us).

This is not a friggin confessional. Stick to the facts.

We decided that it was time to break from our spouses.

Oh no, my dear. You decided.

I did. I am now getting a divorce and actually my spouse, soon to be ex, and I are very friendly and somewhat relieved . . . our son is actually doing okay with it. My ex-husband is actually going to be living with my parents for the time being until he finds a suitable place for himself. He is very close to my family and we all love him very much, (I just don't love him and he me in the husband/wife sort of way).

So you mistook lust for love and you ditched a marriage that could have been saved with good councelling and some real effort from both sides for...

Now for Bill:

He told his wife in the beginning of January that he did not love her and wanted a divorce. She took it very hard. She called me on my cellphone because he told her about me and she told me in no uncertain terms that he was staying with her. Then she made him get on the phone and say "yeah" - that was all she "allowed him" and then took the phone away.

Now there's a woman with some balls. But if she was really clever, she'd let you have his sorry old ass to wash and to wipe for the rest of his dotage.

She said I won't let you take him away from me, we've been married for 18 years. She was not crying (although I was), she was very much in control. I did not hear from him at all.

Not only because he's a coward. You see, he never forgot what this was all about; having a good time and lots of sex. And once you started making noises about getting serious, he either:

a) just went back to his wife, told her "Forgive me honey! The Jezebel made me do it!" and begged her to keep him away from your claws.

b) made a half-assed attempt to ask for a divorce and, once she reminded him what exactly he would be losing as a result, he paddled back as fast as his varicose-veined feet would let him.

When he spoke with me he said "I just can't hurt her, she has no one", and you're so beautiful and have so many friends and family, how can we be together when I know I'll be killing her? (What a bunch of crap!) He's also afraid he'll be left financially ruined. (Heh, that's more like it!)

I basically told him "I love you, I always have and I always will, just do whatever you have to do". (Tsk, tsk. I can just hear the tremulous voice, see the unshed tears in your eyes, feel the wind your cape makes, as you swirl around and rush to the door.)

I have not heard or seen from him since.

My questions are:

[snip about 15 questions, all variations of the same theme: Will he ever leave her?]

I'm not just going to disappear and make it easy for him . . .

Don't be a silly twit. All you'll do is get the law involved, and you really don't want that.

I'm really hurting like I've never before . . .

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Wait until you get back into the dating scene.