The Perfect Wedding Day

I got married a week ago. On the morning of my wedding, my "husband" and I got into a little spat over him not wanting to talk to the DJ and give him directions, so I gave him vague directions and he got lost.

Of course. Everybody knows it's much easier to pick a fight with someone else because you can't give directions.

He started yelling at me, telling me that I had no reason to be annoyed and that I was acting like a baby. I explained that I was mad because he is friends with the DJ and all he had to do was talk to him for 2 minutes and give him more detailed directions. Well, one thing led to another and he wound up screaming at me that he was going to "rip my f***ing throat out".

Nice.

I started crying and was extremely upset. He never apologized. In fact, he kept saying that he never said that. Now, this was my wedding day. He went on to call me a baby and acted like everything was normal. This was 2 hours before my hair appointment. He kept saying horrible things so I finally told him to call his mom and call it off. He did and then demanded that I call my friends and tell them it was off. I did.

This is getting better than Jerry Springer. Please, go on.

Then he started screaming that he was going to the reception and he would marry one of his many exes that were going to be there. he said "Don't be surprised if I'm married to someone else tonight or within 2 weeks. I'm getting married to someone!!!" I cried all morning and he did not comfort me at all. He just smiled a devious smile.

Because he knew you didn't have enough balls to call his bluff.

He later convinced me to go through with the reception since we spent $20,000.00 and it wasn't refundable and people from all over the country were on their way there.

Trust a dumb broad to fall for that.

We took our vows. On the way to the reception, he told me that it was all a sham. That we only went through with it so that his mom didn't look like a fool in front of everyone. He kept talking about how much money we put out and he wanted to recoup it at the reception.

Spoken like a true gambler.

I was devastated.

Apparently not devestated enough to kick him in the balls and call a lawyer to arrange an annulment.

At the reception he acted like nothing was wrong. So I thought that maybe he was just joking when he said that it was all a sham.

That's a mistake many women make.

At the end of the night he proved me wrong. he didn't come home with me. He went out with his exes and came home at 6:00 a.m. That was my wedding.

So?

Now, a couple of the envelopes w/ money from the reception are missing and he is blaming me. He thinks I stole the money. His family has been telling him that cards kept falling out of the card cage onto the floor. But he doesn't listen. If he wants to place the blame, then why can't he be suspect. He went to the casino on our wedding night. For all I know, he took the money for gambling.

And coke. Don't forget the coke.

He has hurt me to the extreme. He keeps telling me that if we stay married, its my decision. He won't take off his wedding ring. He refuses to rip up the certificate.

And I bet somewhere in your deluded, underdeveloped brain that must mean he "loves you".

It's up to me, he says. He hasn't apologized or even tried to make up for his behavoir or the horrible things he has said to me.

Why should he? He's "recouped" the wedding money now and it's not like you actually meant anything to him.

He even told me that he won't be a father figure for my daughter because her father is involved in her life and he shouldn't have to have that responsibility.

Charming fellow, isn't he?

What have I done?

Something incredibly common. You married an asshole, due to stupidity, character weakness, and an outrageous lack of self-esteem. What are you going to do about it now?

Do I deserve this?

Yes.

I told him that a man who was getting married would not act or say the things he has said to me. I told him that no other man in my life would have treated me like this and that no other man in any of my friend's relationships would act like this. Now he's mad at me and is demanding an apology.

You mean you haven't done so already? What kind of a spineless twat are you?

This is ridiculus. HE ruined my wedding day.

Unless you were getting married to yourself, like all the other amoeba do, it was not just your wedding day.

I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.

Get over it already. One would think you were a 5 y.o. in Sudan and somebody cut your clit off with a piece of dull glass.

He has never told me that he loves me.

This was the least of your clues.

I guess I should have seen it coming.

Kinda hard to do when it's stuck in your mouth.

Geographical Cure

I have been dating my Boyfriend for about 2 years now. I love my boyfriend and he is a great guy. He has treated me better then any other boyfriend but I have only been in two relationships.

After reading the letter I shudder to think what the others were like.

We both dream of moving to florida and living together. I would love to see this happen but I can't. I have graduated college, started my career and I'm ready to move on in life. He, on the other hand, quit his job about a year and a half ago and is still jobless.

Look, this isn't brain surgery, and you don't need to sleep with 20 dudes to figure it out either. If you are dating a "great...but" guy, then you get your butt off the sofa and get moving on.

He blames this on his criminal background for something he did at the age of 18 and he is now 28. He says that if we move to florida he can find a job.

Of course.

He has been filling out applications here and thats all. He shows no motivation when it comes to getting a job (he will get an interview but never follow up) and I think he really doesnt want one.

But...but... what makes you think that?

He is still living with his dad and his dad supports him. He plays Everquest online or plays cards online all day everday or watches tv. Again no motivation. He also is constantly watching and downloading exstreme amounts of porn and masterbating about twice a day.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the average woman's definition of a "great guy."

I wouldnt mind this but sometimes it makes me uninterested in having sex.

Having a non-starter for a boyfriend was never exactly conductive to the female libido.

And there are even times when he does not get aroused, cause he was masturbating too much already that day.

Pass the tissues.

So the fact that he has no job and does not show a want for one makes it hard to believe he will change if we move to florida together. Also his lack of motavation and want to do nothing but watch tv, play games, watch porn, and go out with his friends is starting to make me loose interest.

Well, obviously a part of your deductive reasoning is still operational, but...

I would love to see my dream come true "him with a job and me still in my career living happily in florida"

...I'd say the majority of the damage is permanent.

Is this possible?

I hear they do great things with voodoo these days.

What do I do...part of me wants to stay but part of me wants to go.

You are depressing me. Go away.

Cyber Love

I am 30 years old and just recently ended my marriage to be with a guy i met online 10 months ago who happens to be 5 years younger then me.

You must feel so proud of yourself.

I was not ready to end my marriage till we had met up close.

...and I could assess for myself if his dick was as big as he claimed it was.

I went to europe and met up with him about 4 months ago and when I returned I filed for a divorce.

Good girl. [pat, pat]

But he is still over protective. He reads my emails and doesnt allow me to talk with my friends online. He demands to know all the passwords to all my email accounts and my voicemail. And it annoys me because I know he checks up on me. He picks fights all the time for the littlest things, like if someone emails me or if I don't call him the minute I wake up or I log in and don't tell him.

Overprotective eh?

I told him I ended my marriage to be with him so why is he is still like this?

He figures if you did it with him you'll do it to him.

He always has something to say about what I do wrong and that I dont know how to be in a relationship.

That much is true.

He says he is more fucked up loves me more than I am i love him that is why the little things bother him more. And that he will change when I go there in a year to be with him and we are finally together but I don't believe him.

There is much to be said about the mental ability of a woman who lets some wacko fuck with her mind all the way from the other side of the pond.

I think he will still be this way.

You think? No honey, if you actualy did think you'd be dangerous.

We fight all the time and when we fight it gets nasty and he calls me bad names. Yet when I try to end things he begs me to forgive him and that he will change but nothing is changing.

I have some (slightly moldy) cheddar that would go perfectly with this whine.

And he says that I have brought him to be the way he is because I started the relationship when I was still married and now he has no trust in me. He also says I make him call me bad names because I dont admit my faults and I aggrevate him.

You know why this method is such a classic? Because it never fails.

I told him if I am so horrible then why are you still with me and he says because he loves me to much. Which to me doesn't make sense.

You need sense to make sense.

Everytime i try to end it he cries, says I dont love him and I did nothing for him and states I am just like the rest of them and begs me not to end it and I go back.

Oh yes, having a guy treat you like dirt and then beg you to stay is such a turn-on...

I dont know what to do! Please help!!

Well... it doesn't look good this year and the next one doesn't look good either. The waiting list for lobotomies is long.

Oral Fixation

I really need some relationship advice. I have been going out with my boyfriend for ten and a half months. We are very affectionate, he tells me he loves me all the time, calls me Amy ::insert his last name:: or wifey occasionally.

Let me guess, and you find that soooo romantic. (Barf)

We are together almost everyday, and get along great. Yet last night, he told me that he wants to take a break. He said he is confused about how he feels about me. He has been confused for about the past month. He said he knows I have my heart 100% into this relationship and I deserve someone who can do the same. He feels we are rushing into things, and doesnt know if he wants a marriage and a kid to result out of this relationship.

Oh man, she really had me going there for a while, and I said and hinted all kinds of things that maybe I shouldn't have. Now she expects the big M. Not right away, but definitely some point down the line...

Dunno. She's ok, a little boring in the sack, though. Sammy, my girl-pal, said I can do better. Looked at me weird when she said it too. And that hot-looking girl at work has been smiling a lot to me lately...

The weird thing is we both have talked about the prospect of marriage and a baby girl, we have even picked out a name and speak quite frequently about the future...this is the far future though.

No, you talked. He just said what he thought you wanted to hear.

He even has said marriage in spring of 06, a baby not before summer 08. (All the while thinking, hopefully the world will end before then.) He said he just needs some time to figure out how he truly feels.

aka. play the field.

My sister thinks that our relationship has progressed too soon too fast. We feel in love quickly, and he needs time to figure out how he really feels.

Have you noticed how this only seems to be a male problem. Most women never seem to have any trouble attaching themselves, all the way to the hilt, to the first idiot who comes along.

I am supposed to hang out with my boyfriend this coming Sunday...he still wants to hang out once a week or so.

I know, I'll put her in the back burner just in case. Alwas a good idea to have a girl, eager2please, around.

We both will not be dating anyone else. (officially) He says he wants to spend some time with me, but does not want to have penetration sex while we are sorting this out.

As he'll be getting that from somewhere else.

He has a high sex drive, loves recieving oral. I don't give it to him quite as often as he'd like. He has told me that he would like me to do it more (I do it once a week or so) as I am currently not satisfying his oral needs.

"I might stick around but you'll have to blow me every day, preferably as soon as I wake up in the morning."

So the thing is, I don't know if I should give him lots of space and try to better or sex lives through oral. We have sex quite frequently (3 times a week at least), but what is lacking from his point of view is oral.

While of course you're satisfied with any dregs he chooses to dish out to you...

I don't know how I should act when I see him on Sunday...should I dress provocativly, and attempt to turn him on? Shove him against a wall and give him the oral he desires?

Sure, go ahead, let him have some anal too while you're at it. Then write back to us and tell us how it went. And don't spare on details either.

Or, should I look nice, but let him make any moves if he chooses to do so?

Whatever. Either way smacks desperate to me.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Any advice = "only advice on how to keep him".

I truly feel that this relationship is meant to last, and he is my One True Love.

I also believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

I Was Used

To make a long story short I dated him 14 months. We seemed happy and enjoyed our time together. But several times he borrowed money from me and did not repay me.

I Love You + Lend Me Money = Loser

And he had me to run errands for him, do laundry, ect.

...which I did, because I thought it would make him realize that I'm The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Him (TM) and he would stay with me forever.

The last time I saw him he gave me $125 to take to the dealership to make the final payment on his car. ( This (one and only) time from his own money.) The dealership is only a few miles from my home. He said I could give him the receipt when we would meet for lunch the next two days. Well, I made the payment, got the receipt and went to meet him for lunch but he never showed up.

What for? His car is paid now.

Never called to cancel our date or even to tell me he was getting back with his ex. It has been 6 weeks now and I never heard from him again.

Your contract has been terminated, your services no longer needed.

A week after he did not show up for our lunch date I did some checking and discovered he moved back in with his ex! At first I was devastated. Now that much of the heartbreak is gone, it is being replaced by anger. Maybe I should not say it (Why not? Oh I forgot, "good girls" don't say things like that.) but I feel I hate him now.

You don't really hate him, you hate yourself, because you thought you had a deal. You were going to be the maid/secretary/bank and he was going to be "everything you've ever wanted". (ugh) Only you forgot to communicate this deluded little expectation to him, didn't you?

It disgusts me thinking how he made love to me often then run back to his ex. After all, I'd NEVER do that to HIM.

So? Not everybody thinks like you do, and if you had any brains you would have known that from the beginning. The clues were there.

What do you think of this: I found out he moved back in w/his ex the day after we made love(the last time I saw him)!

Sex doesn't have the same connotations attached to it for everyone. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Not only that I am angry at the fact I let him have my money several times that he never paid back. And run errands for him. I was loyal, affectionate, honest and nice to this man. This is the way I get treated for it.

He simply took what you freely offered, while you thought, "by accepting my undying adoration, you bind yourself to the following Terms Of Service."

He even once said a woman has never been as good to him as me.

That alone should have tipped you off.

He said that he never wanted to lose me. Well, he did.

No honey, he didn't lose you, you lost him.

If he ever realizes the mistake he made and wants me back, it won't work...(very easily)

Actually, I'm hoping he will call wanting me back. That would be my revenge because I'd tell him off. I'd tell the jerk to go back to his ex again! And if I ever bump into him I will sock it to him. I am bitter toward him because of the way he did me.

A pussy looks in the mirror and fancies herself a tiger. Chill. Guys like him rarely return to a mark that lent them money, and if you throw a hissy fit on the street all he's going to do is turn around and tell his new doormat, "it's the psycho-ex I was telling you about."

Is this normal to feel this way toward one you loved and cherished so much?

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

After all I feel he used me.

How did he use you exactly? Cause all I see here is a little girl who is pissed, because the loser, whom she was unskillfully trying to wrap around her little finger, got away.

Will I always feel this way?

Probably.

I'm sorry if I said anything to offend. I'm very angry right now.

Don't worry My Child. I'm sure God Will Understand. Now say 10 Hail Marys and [request for sexual act cencored].

To Love And To Cherish

I am married to a man that can be the sweetest person you'd ever want to meet.

..which is just a playact to hide the mean fucker he really is.

The problem is that after we were married for a few months he began to sexually and mentally abuse me. I won't go into great detail about it. I'll just say that even when I made it very clear that I didn't want sex, he made sure that he got it.

I can only imagine how much horror lies behind that understatement.

He made me feel so horrible that I would just give in and lay there to take my medicine. It was a very demeaning and terrifying experience.

Rape usually is.

After some serious arguing, I finally got him to see that he had to stop. It slowly subsided. It has been months since it last happened.

Sweety, while the abuse is not happening in the way it use to, I'm willing to bet it's still taking place in another form. Those things just don't stop just because of an argument.

He is going to go to counseling when his insurance at his new job goes in effect. (He is bipolar, by the way.)

Councelling is not enough. Bipolar persons often need meds to control their condition, meds which many times they refuse or suddenly stop taking, because they miss the high they used to have, as their condition was on the upswing.

It's difficult to be them or to live with them at the best of times, but one should expect, even from them, a minimum adherance to the law, and the law clearly states that rape is wrong. People who don't comprehend this simple fact need to be sent to a correctional facility until they DO.

It all seems like it should be getting better now... but it isn't.

Are you kidding me? Sometimes a lifetime is not enough to get over rape.

I am trying my very best to let go of the pain but it is still there. I've lost all desire to have sex with him.

Completely normal, I would say.

He was very understanding for a while. Now it has been going on a month since we have slept together and he's getting impatient. The last two days he's been asking me how long it is going to take me to get over this.

This man has no concept of what he's done to you. If he really did, he would have been willing to do anything to make it up to you, including chopping his own dick off.

I'm very sure that I would have left by now if I didn't have a baby who is due for heart surgery in a month. I'm an emotional time bomb these days. The thing that eats at me the most is that I allow the abuse. Why would any woman knowingly allow a man to hurt her over and over again?

Because she loves her child more than anything and is so frightened out of her mind that she has convinced herself there is no way out?

A few nights ago he kept me up until around 3AM arguing about why I just don't get over what he's done. AND... why I just won't give him some. He did the very same thing the next night. He makes me feel horrible and exhausts me so much until I say "HERE! JUST TAKE IT!!!" I know he knows how to get his way. He knows that I will do that because I just can't take any more.

Yes.

How is that fun? What is such a turn on about the woman you supposedly love being turned away from you and crying because she doesn't know whether to throw up or cut your penis off?

I have no idea either, but maybe some sicko out there can explain it for us.

Once the surgery is over, I'm not sure what will happen. Will I be so stuck in the "victim" cycle that I will stay?

This is completely up to you.

I just want to run out of here screaming at the top of lungs and running over everything in my path. I couldn't do that anyway. The only time I'm allowed to leave by myself is to get groceries!

Life doesn't have to be this way unless you want it too. You do have a choice. As soon as you feel able, take some extra change with you and call here.

--

PS. This letter departs from the usual parade of dumb fucks, for the simple reason, that the person who answered this letter simply advised the woman and her husband to get councelling. "If both of you are in treatment all of this can be worked through, sorted out and forgiven. You can go forward if you choose to. It will take time, patience and work on both your parts though."

Just reading that even messed me up.

Hello Ms. Psychologist, Award Winning Author and Esteemed Guest on Radio and TV-shows?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Rape is a crime! And I don't care if the rapist is the "woman's husband", it's a CRIME. Councelling is NOT a cure it all, except maybe for the councellor's wallet.

"Get councelling" was the last thing this woman, who is clearly at the END of her rope, needed to read.

Ghost Of An Ex

I have lived with my b/f for 6 years and up until recently his ex has never been an issue.

So? Depending on the character of your partner, an ex can come back and bite you in the a$$ even as far as 20 years down the road.

She does have 2 kids with him and last week she was arrested for a dirty drug test and the state of Utah took her kids.

Nice going white trash.

We tried to get them and this I will back him all the way. But now he and his ex talk all the time and he tells her to call him if she is going to fall off the wagon call him any time day or night and he will help her.

No fear! Your enabler is here!

They talk and laugh on the phone and he tells her about things that happen here

Uh, yeah, I got a blowjob yesterday, but it wasn't as good as the one you used to give me.

he only talks about the kids very little.

What for? It's not like any of them cared for the kids in the first place.

He tell me, she needs him so she can get the kids back and that is the only reason he is nice to her, (?) when they are not on the phone together he cuts her down but you would never know that is the way he feels when she is on the other line and I have known him for 6 years.

And you're lapping it all up, because you're afraid of losing him.

I think she is back in his life and he just will not admit it cause I pay for everything he cannot work and is fighting with disability.

Honey that's not a boyfriend, that's a gigolo, and not even a very good one at that. If you're going to pay for sex, let me know, our male ho-bag from the sports section has gotten tired of writing inane articles about overpaid NBA brats.

Do you think I'm right or am I just being paranoid please help cause I am at my wits end.

Yes, you are just paranoid, go take 30 pills a pill and call me in the morning.

He even tells her he loves her and very rarely tells me that.

Whores rarely "love" their Johns.

But he keeps telling me it's only for the kids and If I do not understand that then I'm stupid.

Well, he's at least right about one thing.

But I do not understand.

Because you're stupid?

he can laugh and talk with her and be so relaxed and with me he is always on edge.

Come on, cut the working boy some slack.

Is this just the beginning of the end.

Of what?